So frustrated...can't stop worrying!

[mustang65]

I'm so frustrated with my anxiety!  I hate the roller coaster of it all.

About 6 weeks ago, I started having trouble with my right arm.  I was having all sorts of symptoms - burning sensations, pain, perceived weakness, a few tingles, stiffness, etc, etc, - from my shoulder all the way down to my hand.  Well, wouldn't you know it, the more I worried about it, the worse it got.  I became convinced that I had ALS, even though I didn't really have any true weakness.  My anxiety got so bad that I filled a prescription for Lexapro and began taking it about 3 weeks ago.  Over the first week, I began to feel significantly better mentally - the thoughts that I was surely dying from some awful disease started lessening - and the symptoms in my arm started to fade.  Last week, I was feeling pretty good.  There were times (mostly overnight and in the morning) that I still noticed some VERY mild sensations in my arm, but for the most part didn't think about it much.  I actually stopped worrying about it!

Well, on Thursday night, I had trouble sleeping.  I had had a couple of glasses of wine with dinner, so I figured that was probably the problem.  Then, Friday night, I had trouble sleeping again, but it wasn't too bad.  Last night, though, I was awake for HOURS in the middle of the night, and today my anxiety has been raging.  Of course, my arm is feeling worse.  It's very hard to describe.  It's not really painful, it just doesn't feel right - like it's always uncomfortable.  I especially have trouble finding a comfortable position when laying down.  I am still worried about ALS, but have now added cancer to my list.  I haven't been to a doctor because I feel pretty ridiculous.  "Hello, Doctor.  I'm here because my arm feels weird."  "Can you describe "weird" for me?"  "No, not really.  Just weird."  Seriously...  I even feel a bit ridiculous voicing this all out loud on here.

I just don't understand what triggered it, and why I'm so up and down all the time.  Last week, I felt so much better.  I thought that the medicine was the right decision and that it had been what I needed.  So then, why have I been panicky, depressed, obsessive, etc. all day today?

Anyway, I guess I just needed to vent.  Thanks for listening. 

[Boy_Wiz]

I can totally relate to your symptoms! I've totally dealt with the arm issues before. They can be terrifying at times! But it was always reassuring to me that depending on my level of anxiety, the symptoms changed. Really stressed out and panicky? Terrible symptoms. Relaxed and having a good time with friends? Didn't even notice it. For me, that helped to calm me down. I was able to tell myself that any legitimate health issue wouldn't wax and wane so much (especially with my anxiety level). Bad indicative of something bad tends to stick around and get worse. Of course, anxiety can latch onto that as well, but, for me, that usually helps.

I wouldn't sweat the sleeping problems much at all, especially if your anxiety has been getting worse. I've had similar issues where I wake up in the middle of night and can't get back to sleep because suddenly, in my midnight stupor, everything is a problem, and everything is deadly. Deep breathing can help. I know it can be hard. The frustration and anxiety compounds the longer you lie there sometimes. I find that if I can't get to sleep after 20-30 minutes, I'll get up, turn a (very dim) light on, and do something relaxing (e.g., read, knit, journal, meditate, etc.). If it's not too late, talking to a friend always calms me down. Or someone you live with, if there's someone around.

Also, I think you're allowed to feel a little ridiculous, but don't be hard on yourself! When I talk with my dad and eventually say, "I'm concerned I have cancer," or journal, and actually start writing down my thoughts, I sometimes find it hard not to laugh at myself. In a healing way! It's good to recognize that our brains are on overdrive and the possibility of these things happening is so slim. Anxiety does crazy, unpredictable things sometimes, and it's good to remind ourselves of that.

I think if the Lexapro is helping, continuing might be what you need. Funny you mention that, actually, since I am probably going to take Lexapro starting this week. It could help with the ups and downs of what you've been feeling lately. But, again, anxiety can be unpredictable. I sometimes find a day free of all anxiety and worry, only to be woken up the next morning gasping for air, heart racing, and on the edge of vomiting because I'm so nauseous. Take things one day at a time and keep telling yourself you will get through it. You will! It just takes time. :-)

I hope that things get better for you in the next few days!

[mustang65]

Boy_Wiz,

Thank you so much for your kind response!  It was really very reassuring.   

You are right about the symptoms waxing and waning.  I try to remind myself of this, but sometimes (especially when you are not in the right frame of mind) that can be so difficult.  Have you had issues with just one arm before?  I think that is part of what bothers me.  It just seems so random that only my right arm is affected, although I know that anxiety can cause all sorts of random things.

The not being able to sleep is just so frustrating.  I do try to get up and read after awhile, if I haven't fallen asleep, but it's hard not to worry about how it's going to affect me the next day.  I also have my husband to talk to.  He is amazing, and I am so lucky to have him.     He's very supportive and always willing to listen, but he doesn't truly understand because he has never dealt with anxiety or depression like this.  So, it's nice to be able to talk to people who DO totally understand what I am feeling.

Good luck with the Lexapro!  I hope it helps.  Even though I have had a rough few days, I believe that overall it has been very beneficial for me.

Thanks again!