Seasonal Affective Disorder/anxiety disorder/flashbacks

[dannysmiles19]

I need help.

I don't usually plead for help on web sites...but so many people are going through similar things that I am going through. I find it amazing.

Ever since i graduated high school...everything has gone nutts...

at 15 years old, seasonal anxiety/depression hit me along with social angst and withdrawal.

But at 18, things really got bad. I have lived with a stutter my entire life, I'm 19 now. the scary part is....I get flashbacks that tell me I'm seriously mentally ill. I get feelings like I won't ever feel whole again or like myself.

Winter has been terrible  to me ever since i turned 18. I wasn't ever diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder so I feel like I am a hypochondriac along with being a miserable soul.

I'm tired of feeling like this. I am on 300 mg of wellbutrin and 30 mg of remeron and I'm scared.... I really am. I feel disconnected from family and friends and i feel a general mental malaise.

I'm scared and I need input. I get fears that my stutter has caused my misery but it just doesn't fit with what has gone on...I'm scared that I'm a basket case of stress and depression and anger.

[Cuchculan]

Has anybody ever suggested for you to try those light boxes? You can buy them cheap these days. They are meant to mimic sunlight. Which is what people with SAD are lacking. I have one here. I can put it on. Read a book. It is not something you sit and stare at. Just have it on to the side of you for a half an hour even. Plus you can get mood lights for wakening you up in the morning time. Again they mimic natural sunlight. The slowly get brighter over a period of a few minutes. Some even come with relaxing sounds in the background. Might be a thing to look into. You have nothing to lose at all. No matter how bad things may seem, there is always a road back. You just have to believe in yourself.

[dannysmiles19]

Thank you for the reply.

Please reply to my reply lol

I have been a victim of my own depressed/anxious feelings. My mind has gotten infected with stress, crazy thoughts, tension, worry, and I'm lonely a lot.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is a recognized illness related to lack of sunlight....I do firmly believe I do have it because my hospitalizations occur at a certain time of year....

I could not cope with the pain this time...so I fled to 3 hospitals over a period that went from November 23-January 21....I was so low and angry that I could no longer tolerate it.

That is degrading....absolutely degrading. it hurts and my being is really under attack by pain and discomfort. I'm scared. It's too late for a light box because......doesn't S A D end in April and May?...It's almost april...buying one now is...almost pointless isnt it? and I don't even know if the sun deficiency is my true mental illness....but I do know I am suffering from one.

Mental Illness sucks......because it's one of the most powerful illnesses...it's discomfort in a way that feels like a maze.....

[Cuchculan]

I think lack of natural sunlight can have an effect of people. Just look at Ireland. Were I live. Rains most of the time. We have a very high rate of depression. One of the highest in the world per capita. ( Amount of people in the country ) So to try and make up for the lack of sunlight people do use these light boxes. I see nothing to lose by trying one out. Nothing saying it has to be only used in winter. Not every day is going to be a sunny day. As for hospital. I have been in hospital as well. So I know what it can be like to be in one. First time round I was so afraid. Had no idea what it would be like. Turned out I actually liked it come the end of the day. It is all about accepting that we need help. If we ignore that fact we will always suffer. There is always a road back. No matter how bad things may seem.

[dannysmiles19]

It burns.....

Everything burns....my mind tell me sometimes I am suffering from a more severe mental condition. my mind gives me things from the past that tell me I am losing my sanity or my mind.

If this is anxiety...anxiety is an evil thing....anxiety is running rampant in me....and I'm suffering. I feel like I will never feel right.....I feel like my mind is on a track to insanity....

Either the meds I am on are exascerbating my problems........or my anxiety is rampant. because I feel like I am literally going to lose my mind....im at the mercy of my mind.

I feel like a prisoner of anxiety or whatever I am suffering from. It's painful. it's worse at night.

[Cuchculan]

You ever had any form of theraphy at all? Sounds more like PTSD to me. People with this form of anxiety can suddenly begin to get flashbacks of events that may have happened years before. It is like anxiety that was never treated when it first kicked in. We locked it away. Only when we least expect it, it comes back out and bites us hard again. Maybe you should see a therapist and get a name put on the type of anxiety you have. So you can begin to get the correct form of treatment. Nights can be worse for a lot of people. Because they are dark and silent. More time to think. Maybe put on a radio. Some light music. Just to distract the mind. I don't think you are going insane. I simply think you are confused about what is going on. If a name was put on it by a therapist it might begin to make more sense to you.

[dannysmiles19]

No....it can't be PTSD. It can't be.

Because PTSD is a disorder from traumatic events...like war, rape, violence, life threatening events, torture etc.

I was made fun of as a kid and I developed a social anxiety because of my emberassing stutter...but it really does not....feel like PTSD.

It feels more like depression and anxiety.....PTSD makes no sense...

it just doesn't fit right.....I remember distinctly that the seasons affect me.... and I also remember just having a general sense of anxiety and malaise...

That sounds a lot like depression/anxiety/ generalized anxiety....PTSD sounds wrong....