funerals

[Mr_Leyland]

tommorow im going to something i think we all hate, and that is a funeral. im extremely worried (not sure why) about going in general, and if i walk out because i often get panic attacks when im in crowded places ( and yes it's going to be crowded alot) i was thinking of sitting at the back so if i walk out it wont be so bad... has any 1 dealt with this before and have any tips? or just help in general? im extremely worried and it's making me not want to go. :'(

[tinam7]

First, I'm completely with you. Don't be worried, sit in the back, and walk out as you feel you must. I'll control myself as to what I think of funerals, but you'll get the idea when I tell you there will be none for me.

You may want to be prepared to think your own thoughts, meditating on the life (hopefully good) the person lived.

[Mr_Leyland]

yeh but do you recon it's disrespectful if i do walk out? i dno i guess my brain is just finding way's to make it 10X worse then it needs to be

[Hijita]

I just don't go. Funerals make me extremely uncomfortable. If you feel you need to be there for support, though, then I don't see a problem with sitting in the back, or even skipping the funeral and just going to the wake.

[vanilla1969]

I myself went through this 2 years ago when my anxiety first raised it's ugly head. A very, very, very dear friend of mine who was an older woman and I would often call her momma died a few days before my birthday, when I got the message through email I just broke down while I was at the hospital with my boyfriend. At that time I constantly, constantly thought about death and dying and much as I loved that woman I couldn't pull myself together enough to do it because I was afraid of walking out myself cause the pressure would be to much to deal with.

My BFF who's dad died that was just like a dad to me, I did pull it together long enough to go, if I had not gone she would not have not understand because I hadn't really expressed what I was going through to her. So don't feel bad about how you feel it's completely normal for folks like us, we fear death and in that fear we don't want to be anywhere around it.

[Mr_Leyland]

im so sorry to hear that agreed we all fear death which is just awful, but mine unfortiantly isn't about death... i just dont do well with people or thing's which i know i can't simply just evade  once again im so so sorry!

[Daisy55]

It is ok if you need to step out.  And yes staying in the back will help you not feel noticed as much.  At a funeral it is understanding.

[tinam7]

So it seems to be more the pressure of doing what is expected or perhaps disappointing or disrespecting others.

That has to be weighed. One way could result in long term regrets, another is saying to yourself, "Going is a short term matter and over soon enough." As you say, the conditioning of the brain makes it worse than it probably is.