Anxiety or depression

[sweetblubrry]

Well I've been hanging in there. I have been able to keep very busy lately which helps with the anxiety but it is still there. I don't have any major freak out sessions but I have an underlying dread of a lot of things. Here are some examples of what I have been doing lately:

- worrying about the future and getting some type of cancer
- worrying about my age. I'm 27 and I'm terrified of aging, I see a picture of a pretty woman and I absolutely have to find out what years the tv show or whateveraired and how old the actress would be at that time (is there a name for this? I've seen others on the forum describe it) or see a picture in a magazine and have to look up her age
- worrying about how much them I have left (analyzing how many years I have until I get to that age of a patient I have at work
- worrying about my parents getting older (they are 58 and 59) and fearing for their health even though they are fine right now
-seeing my mom as she has a lot of wrinkles for her age (never wore sunscreen) it makes her look older than she is
- worrying about the same aging thing but with my parents
- worrying about how fast time flies. For some reason I have been very attuned to passing time (is this bc I am nearing 30? i feel like i have been shocked into not having a lot of time when just a few years ago i thought i had ages and this never crossed my mind) it is really freaking me out :/ suddenly I feel old and not young anymore

With these worries at the back of my mind, I wonder if I am becoming depressed... I do have a happy life. I have 3 jobs to keep me busy and a wonderful boyfriend who I know I'll have a future with. It is all these worries that prevent me from feeling happy at my full potential. I hate my thoughts, and I don't know how to change them. I am wondering if these thoughts are sending me into a depression. I was taking buspar for awhile and I am wondering if I should go back on it now. Ugh.... I wish there was an on and off switch. I don't know what my problem is with aging.

Not sure what I need but I am venting and/or would love some advice on how to deal with this. I wish I had health insurance so I could see a therapist. It might be possible this fall when I start nursing school and if the university provides them.

[sassparella]

You're 27 that's still really young. I'd love to be 27 again, especially knowing the things I know now. Take it from one who knows, don't waste your life worrying about getting older, enjoy your time now while you have it. Everyone is going to age and get older, there is nothing we can do to stop the march of time, no matter how much we want to. We have to accept it and enjoy the now, enjoy the time we have. My fear is of dying, so it is kind of similar in so far as it's an inescapable future and I really wish I could take my own advice and enjoy whatever time I have before my death rather than wasting it worrying about dying.

Live for today, don't let your fear of the future spoil that.

[oregoncoastlady]

It seems like time flies...but then I think about the last ten years and can't believe  how much can happen in that amount of time. I'm not sure if that makes sense. You're 27. You could easily live for 50-70 more years. That is a long time. Don't waste it thinking about aging and death. Once you actually  reach middle age you will be much more accepting of it. I used to worry about getting older...now I'm 52..sometimes it shocks me! But, it is what it is. You might be getting depressed, which will cause these thoughts to be more intrusive. If the buspar worked before, talk to your doctor about getting back on it.

[Cattia]

I think I felt like that in my late twenties too. I am 36 now and I don't so much feel that way any more. I think in my thirties I have achieved a lot of the things I wanted to like getting married and having children. I think when that happens it sort of leads you naturally to the next stage in your life. I still have a lot of really bad anxieties about different things but I don't worry so much about getting older, which is sort of ironic as I am getting older! I think your late twenties is the first time on your life when you are contemplating leaving your youth behind so it's natural to feel apprehensive about the next stage, but honestly my thirties have been far better in many ways than my twenties.

[ceh1354]

Sweet, I just wanted to say that I am the same way and it makes me feel better to hear someone else is too. I joke with my husband saying it's "age obsession", but I don't know if there is a real name for it. I have to look up peoples' ages, wonder how old people are all the time, etc. BTW, I am much older than you are.  I always thought it was odd because no one I know does this! I fear getting sick also, but I know that is very common on this board. That is something that can be helped with therapy because that's just straight up a matter of changing your thinking patterns.
Oh and also, back when I was starting anti-depressants, I questioned my Dr. about why go on  A/D meds when I have anxiety. She told me the crying , etc. is all part of anxiety and crosses over into depression symptoms as well, so they go hand in hand a lot of the time.

[msgb98]

As Sassparella stated-- enjoy each day.
Do not worry about aging. Be glad that you can enjoy each day.

[sweetblubrry]

Thank you everyone. I think my biggest issue is acceptance right now. i cant accept it and want to be young forever. I am wondering if it does have to do with the next stage of life. I am not married or have any kids, still live at home. I guess I could be anxious because I know that will come soon within the next 5 years. I don't deal well with change and am wondering if that is what has been causing these thoughts lately. I still do have a prescription for buspar and think I will go back on it (I wanted to see how I would be without it after taking it 4 months) I know that buspar is supposed to quiet thoughts. I don't remember having them this strong before. Ugh, I wish I could just stop. It's so frustrating. And annoying. I am glad to know that I am not the only one. I seriously do not know where I would be without this forum.

[vanilla1969]

I understand all to well what you are talking about, I remember when I turned 25 I was kinda sad because I was 5 years away from 30. Now I'm 43 starting to get health issues dealing with not taking care of myself (diabetes and high blood) pressure and getting old is freaking me out, I saw an old woman at the beauty shop one day and she was carrying around oxygen and my thought was OMG I don't want to be like that. Then I saw another old woman at the shop in a wheel chair and and she couldn't stand and her daughter had to pick her up and put her at the shampoo bowl. I thought that same thing don't wanna be like that. I know with the diabetes not being carefully monitored and watched what will happen and in my early discoveries I am having a hard time keeping my blood sugar under where it should be so that scares me even more. I know someone close to me who died at 52 cause she didn't take care of her diabetes. Just don't like the getting old thing at all.

But you are kind of young to have this fear already. Folks around my age group usually do this. Enjoy your youth YOUNG PERSON!!! What I would give to be 27 again. Take care of your health now so when you do get old you more than likely will not have physical ailments. I think it's good to be old if you are healthy.

[msgb98]

I lived at home on and off with my parents until I got married. I was 35 when I got married. It is the first marriage for both my husband and myself. He is a yr and a few months older than I.
I am the oldest of 7 siblings and I was the 4th married.
I always thought I would be married and had children by age 30. It didn't happen so I just continued to enjoy my life as it was going on.
I have been married for 14 yrs now and I do not have children (a health issue did pop up when I had been married just 10 months).
It was traumatic at the time (actually I still have it), but you have to go past it and go about your life despite this.
I have a sister who at age 35 was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and given a 10 % chance of living. Just 10 months earlier she had given birth to a little girl who lived two hours. My sister is now 11 1/2 yrs out from her cancer bone marrow transplant. She went through very hard year and a half with the cancer and the treatment and it coming back and having to go through radiation and the transplant.
She didn't know if she would live and now she is the mother of an almost 10 yr old (adopted--since the cancer treatment she could not have her own biologically then).
It is not easy with change. It is not easy but my family figures that you are given what you can handle. I have to believe this as otherwise there would be no way to distinguish between what is happiness and sadness.
I hope things get better for you.