Having high expectations of myself

[anxious_student]

Hey guys, I am new here. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about two years ago. I was taking citalophram for about a year, but stopped because my parents were encouraging me to look at other alternatives.

I am currently a 4th year undergraduate student and I am going to graduate this May. I think most of the anxiety and depression I have been dealing with stems from the high expectations I have for myself. I am a biology student with hopes of going to graduate school and getting a PhD in biomedical sciences. The application process this year has taken a toll on my emotional health and well being and I have decided to set up another appointment this Tuesday with my therapist. I feel like I have worked very hard throughout my college years and even sacrificed hanging out with friends to the point where I rarely talk to them. I was accepted into to graduate schools, but rejected from 3 exceptional graduate schools after they invited me for an interview. I fell in love with one of the schools I visited and I really wanted to attend. I am devastated by this news. Even though I will be attending a PhD program in the fall, I am still disappointed in myself. My anxiety and depression has prevented me from accomplishing work and I have trouble sleeping at night. I also have frequent back pains from my anxiety, and this week my back has been extremely painful.

 I am currently in a relationship and we have been going for 3 years strong. He has been very supportive, especially during difficult times. He is extremely successful, currently in the MD/PhD program at my school. I guess I feel stupid compared to him which makes me feel really bad about myself. I think this relationship has really brought out my inner competitiveness and is causing my anxiety and depression. I have never talked about this before, not even to my therapist because I feel extremely uncomfortable. I feel a bit selfish for feeling this way, but it is something I cannot help. Other than this, our relationship has been wonderful and he has been overfly supportive of everything I do, even giving me advice when i need it and helping me when I need him.

Overall, my depression stems from the fact that I feel like I work too hard, but I do not get the results I want. I have not been able to feel good about myself in awhile. From my anxiety and depression I have gained weight and I no longer feel good about my appearance. I have lost many friends which makes this whole situation feel even worse.

I would appreciate if anyone could give me advice on dealing with my anxiety. I am thinking of getting back on medication when I talk to my therapist this week.

[Cuchculan]

Come the end of the day we can only do the best that we can. Yes. We can set our sights higher. But that is setting us up for a harder fall. I tend to set my sights on things I know I can do. If I go one better than I expected, then that is a bonus to me. It is like a win, win kind of situation. Can't fail no matter how you look at it. But the one thing we must never do is look at others and compare ourselves and standards to theirs. Again that is only setting us up for a bigger fall if we don't reach their standards. This is not about others. This about you. Try and be realistic about what you can do in life. I know you have your dreams about what you want to do in life. Which is all nice. I am sure you can still make those dreams come true. But do it for you. Not to try and beat anybody else. To be better than others. Your condition may get in the way of some things. We have to accept that fact. Maybe there is someone in college you can talk to about this. Come up with some plans about how to work around it. But remember, come the end of the day, you are doing what you are doing in life for yourself. Don't base success on others around. Base it on what you know you can do.