Hey guys, I am new here. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder about two years ago. I was taking citalophram for about a year, but stopped because my parents were encouraging me to look at other alternatives.
I am currently a 4th year undergraduate student and I am going to graduate this May. I think most of the anxiety and depression I have been dealing with stems from the high expectations I have for myself. I am a biology student with hopes of going to graduate school and getting a PhD in biomedical sciences. The application process this year has taken a toll on my emotional health and well being and I have decided to set up another appointment this Tuesday with my therapist. I feel like I have worked very hard throughout my college years and even sacrificed hanging out with friends to the point where I rarely talk to them. I was accepted into to graduate schools, but rejected from 3 exceptional graduate schools after they invited me for an interview. I fell in love with one of the schools I visited and I really wanted to attend. I am devastated by this news. Even though I will be attending a PhD program in the fall, I am still disappointed in myself. My anxiety and depression has prevented me from accomplishing work and I have trouble sleeping at night. I also have frequent back pains from my anxiety, and this week my back has been extremely painful.
I am currently in a relationship and we have been going for 3 years strong. He has been very supportive, especially during difficult times. He is extremely successful, currently in the MD/PhD program at my school. I guess I feel stupid compared to him which makes me feel really bad about myself. I think this relationship has really brought out my inner competitiveness and is causing my anxiety and depression. I have never talked about this before, not even to my therapist because I feel extremely uncomfortable. I feel a bit selfish for feeling this way, but it is something I cannot help. Other than this, our relationship has been wonderful and he has been overfly supportive of everything I do, even giving me advice when i need it and helping me when I need him.
Overall, my depression stems from the fact that I feel like I work too hard, but I do not get the results I want. I have not been able to feel good about myself in awhile. From my anxiety and depression I have gained weight and I no longer feel good about my appearance. I have lost many friends which makes this whole situation feel even worse.
I would appreciate if anyone could give me advice on dealing with my anxiety. I am thinking of getting back on medication when I talk to my therapist this week.