Difficult situation- advice needed

[Sidhe]

So I'm 21 and have been single my entire life.  I'm straight, but really haven't wanted to date until about a year and a half ago.

Last year I met a really great guy that I'm now friends with.  Unfortunately, almost immediately after we met, the entire dorm decided we should start dating, and those sentiments escalated out of control.  Some drunk guy cornered my friend in the bathroom demanding to know why he hadn't asked me out yet, we were given a shipping name, and the RHs thought we actually were dating.  Oh, and then his roommate thought that creeping on me would be a great way to piss him off.  (They hated each other.)

Without my knowledge or consent, they got a mutual guy friend of ours to ask my friend why he hadn't asked me out yet.  He said that my friend apparently did want to ask me out, but was worried I'd say no.  I would actually like to go out with this guy, but my friends were putting so much freaking pressure on me that I had a panic attack when they told me what he'd said.  (They'd even told my mother, for crying out loud.  My mother, who routinely tells me she wants grandchildren from me because I'm the "smart" one and she didn't raise me to be a genetic dead end.  Who also tried to set me up with a 23 year old repair man when I was 19 because we liked the same kind of cookies.)

Anyway, eventually I got over my anxiety enough to ask him if he wanted to grab dinner with me on a night when the dining hall was closed.  He asked me if I wanted to make it "formal," and I said no because it was cold, and the week before finals so I didn't have any dresses.  Dinner was fun, he paid, we went back and then we didn't really talk all summer.  But we've hung since school started again, which has been great.

Recently, I found out that asking somebody if they want to make dinner "formal" is like checking if something's a date.  So he asked me out, and I accidentally shot him down.  And I really want to tell him and apologize, because he deserves that.  But that's the kind of conversation you need to have in person, privately.  Right now, I've invited him over to my apartment because we get no privacy in the dorm, but I don't know if that's happening because it's close to finals again and he doesn't know if he has free time this weekend.

I could just invite him over again if he doesn't have time, but I'm usually the one who invites him to do things with me.  Which I chalk up to his being incredibly shy, catholic, and too polite to ask me to bring my lightsabers over for a duel.  And my mother is not okay with this.  According to her, if he doesn't give me an answer or bails on this, I'm supposed to text my apology to him and then "move on" with my life.  I don't know what to do about her.  I'm okay with not dating the guy.  I'm really good at being single and I can completely shut down the romantic part of my brain at will.  But I don't think she's right about this, and there's no way to go behind her back about this because if I actually do wind up dating this guy I'm going to have to tell her, and all of this has made my anxiety just shoot through the roof.

So yeah, any help here would be more than welcome.

[Cuchculan]

The choice has to be yours. Just the two of you. Not what everybody else might want. I do think that is what might have put you off saying yes to him when he did ask. You probably wondered was him asking you for himself. Or was it him been pushed in to asking you out. It is time to have a chat with him. Be honest. Let him know that people are talking. I am sure he will already know this. But let him know that you do like because you want to like him. Not because others want you to like him. That you were just a bit confused. Weren't sure if others had put him up to asking you out. That that is not what you want. You want him to want you for himself. Not for others. I am sure you understand what I am saying. It has to be something you both want for yourselves.