So pleased that you came by and shared your experience . . . and very happy that you are working with a therapist . . . My take on your issue is that you may be putting too much pressure on yourself for a quick fix and when that does not happen, then you feel frustrated. Five weeks is not a long time in working with a therapist but you have seen that there are some positive benefits. There will be ups and downs, as you say, but this is also part of the process. You are working to re-establish a balance that has been with you for a "few years," so you need to be patient and see even the "downs" as a step forward . . . these speed bumps are indicators that you are challenging the status quo of anxiety brain to realign itself with reality so these are to be expected.
One of my challenges with anxiety was that I became "comfortable" with anxiety because I came to know what to expect, etc. When I began to work my way out of anxiety, it was uncomfortable because it was something new and I had to adjust. Anxiety is very very clever and it can make us, at least me, feel that something comfortable even if it is anxiety is better than something uncomfortable such as challenging it.
It is a process and you have seen the results, however small . . . .the more that you work with a therapist, develop management techniques, and progress, the setbacks lessen in intensity and frequency but it is work . . . . you have to believe that you will become better, but you cannot impose on yourself an elusive goal of being in that "special feeling" 24/7. As you work with your therapist, you will recover your balance so that special events will bring special feelings and the times in between will be positive with minimal or no anxiety or depression.
Have faith that you have the strength to do so . . . you already have had the courage and strength to engage with a therapist at the age of 19 . . . . you have already had insights that your life is more than anxiety and depression . . . .and you have shown that you value yourself by committing to a process which, at times is difficult, but will reap the best results in the long run . . .
Please stay with us and let us know how you are doing . . . .come here and post any time and know that whatever your mind has created for you, you are now able to dismantle it and reframe it into the life you want for yourself . . .take care, kc