Scared

[jackmack]

Hi everyone,

I have had on & off anxiety and depression for a few years now i am 19. I have recently gone through a bad bout of depression and anxiety. And what has triggered it off is a feeling of huge discontent, sadness and fear of 0119. i mean whats really getting me down at the moment is that when i do something i really enjoy or meant to enjoy that i usually used to enjoy things like winning a bet, seeing my favourite team win, eating a nice meal, seeing freinds, sex. I find myself asking or even during the moment questioning myself like am i really enjoying this? is this feeling good enough ? is this best your ever gunna feel ? is it worth it ? its asif i am looking for something that isnt there like asif some tremedously good feeling will wash over me and it makes me feel really sad and disapointed and ruins the bit of enjoyment i did have. I have found myself worrying about doing things i enjoy now because i dont want to have the disapointment or sad feeling after by asking these questions man its scary you know i cant keep having these thoughts and feelings. I mean i do feel calmer sometimes and happier but then as soon as i realise i tell myself it isnt worth it and i feel low and panicy again. i have been seeing a therapist for 5 weeks and i would say i have slightly improved very up and down. i am using a form of mindfulness to help me aswell which can be helpul but also i keep making problems in my head with everything like any sort of thing that will make me better or slightly happier i make a problem for .i feel as i cant be helped sometimes and that ill never be happy or get rid of these thoughts or looking for something special feeling.

[kconnors]

Hi,

So pleased that you came by and shared your experience  . . . and very happy that you are working with a therapist . . . My take on your issue is that you may be putting too much pressure on yourself for a quick fix and when that does not happen, then you feel frustrated. Five weeks is not a long time in working with a therapist but you have seen that there are some positive benefits. There will be ups and downs, as you say, but this is also part of the process. You are working to re-establish a balance that has been with you for a "few years," so you need to be patient and see even the "downs" as a step forward . . . these speed bumps are indicators that you are challenging the status quo of anxiety brain to realign itself with reality so these are to be expected.

One of my challenges with anxiety was that I became "comfortable" with anxiety because I came to know what to expect, etc. When I began to work my way out of anxiety, it was uncomfortable because it was something new and I had to adjust. Anxiety is very very clever and it can make us, at least me, feel that something comfortable even if it is anxiety is better than something uncomfortable such as challenging it.

It is a process and you have seen the results, however small . . . .the more that you work with a therapist, develop management techniques, and progress, the setbacks lessen in intensity and frequency but it is work . . . . you have to believe that you will become better, but you cannot impose on yourself an elusive goal of being in that "special feeling" 24/7. As you work with your therapist, you will recover your balance so that special events will bring special feelings and the times in between will be positive with minimal or no anxiety or depression.

Have faith that you have the strength to do so . . . you already have had the courage and strength to engage with a therapist at the age of 19 . . . . you have already had insights that your life is more than anxiety and depression . . . .and you have shown that you value yourself by committing to a process which, at times is difficult, but will reap the best results in the long run . . .

Please stay with us and let us know how you are doing . . . .come here and post any time and know that whatever your mind has created for you, you are now able to dismantle it and reframe it into the life you want for yourself . . .take care, kc

[jackmack]

Hi Kconnors I just thought id leave this last post as i wont be returning to the site i as i find to much info isnt always a good thing. BUut just wanna say thanks to ya for replying. I am gradually getting over my speed bump i realised i was getting lazy not reading my positive thoughts and letting the negative mind take control but i have really pushed myself again and already feeling better starting to see the light so to speak haha. Just thought id let you know some techniques of mine i have been using that are starting to show signs of progress. Mediation twice a day ! Worry periods twice a day ! reading postive thoughts to myself 6 times a day ! Being in the present (mindfulness) !therapy ! and just tryna eat healthier going gym all that stuff it takes time but it gradually gets better. People you have been gifted life its up to you what you do with it i believe everyone can get better they just have to keep going keep plugging away. All the best guys Hope you all do well with your progression