Hello...

[lo]

Reposting what I posted as an introduction, because I have a feeling this section is more where it belongs. I hope this is okay.

I'm Lo and I'm 23 years old.  I've had severe anxiety since I was 12, which usually involved major panic attacks, but something that is the absolute worst for me is health anxiety. I become very hyper-aware of my own body and I begin to notice anything that feels "off", then I obsess over it and convince myself something is there when it isn't, or I make it worse until I end up with a quick ER visit. Example: I get a headache, I convince myself it's a brain tumor, suddenly the headache is more pronounced and sharp and persistent, so I'm scared to death for two days straight. Then after rushing to the hospital, I find out it's just a tension headache, and being so concerned had increased my tension.

But my most recent hospital trip was different. For a month or so now I've been having bouts of numbness on my left side. Well, not numb, but the feeling it was going numb, like the skin on that side has lost a little sensation or is being touched through several layers. I still have full control over the limb, the skin just feels.. off. By the time I finally got to the hospital last week, they couldn't tell what was wrong; It can be anything from a pinched nerve, to MS, to fibromyalgia (the latter being the most likely, as my mother and grandfather both had it and I'm seemingly in the right age for the first flare-up, and since the numbness I've been having more muscle aches and stiffness. But who's to say that's not my imagination?) But with testing they could tell me what it probably wasn't, and that's a tumor, stroke, my heart, etc.

I have an appointment with the neurologist on the 19th. It feels so far away. I've been having daily anxiety attacks when the numbness hits (it never lasts, maybe about 30 minutes, an hour if I really focus on it and stress about it, but it's not constant) that are entirely irrational. I can live with fibro. I can live with a pinched nerve. God forbid it's MS, but if it is, I can live with that too. But when my left side begins to go numb, I immediately begin to feel like I'm having a stroke. I can't help myself. The ER doctor had me on a blood pressure machine for over eight hours, it was fine. I had two CT scans (one normal one and one with contrast), no blood clots or bleeding on the brain. I had an EKG, my heart rate was a little fast but no faster than with the past EKGs I've had (Mitrol Valve Prolapse-- my heart just beats fast naturally). They took blood, nothing on the test results there either. Chances are, if I'm going to have a stroke, they'd have seen something, anything. But they ruled that out. Still, the numbness feels like a stroke. I work myself up. I begin to poke/pinch/slap my left cheek and arm to make sure I can still feel it, I make strange faces to see if the left side is drooping, I raise both arms above my head or walk in circles to see if the left side drops, and without fail everything seems to be functioning just fine and it passes.

I feel like my quality of life is declining more than ever lately. I can't do anything because I feel unwell and get these crippling moments of fear that I'm dying. The 19th feels so far off, and I honestly just want a diagnosis, so I have something to tell myself when this happens. "You're not having a stroke, it's fibromyalgia.", etc.

I'm even on an anxiety medication, so I've really no excuse at all to be like this. It seems like it's something I can't keep under control and it utterly exhausts me.

I know none of you are my doctors/neurologists/etc and you can't diagnose me. You can't even tell me with confidence I'll be okay, because we don't know. But I could just use a little emotional support as I try to get through this. The panic attacks make this so much worse than it already  is and I'm so tired of feeling this way.

[Eiri]

Hey there, friend.

I'm going through the exact same thing as you - left-sided numbness and all, but I also experience pressure/crawling around the left side of my head almost 24/7. I'm turning 23 in April, too. Funny.
I've had heart tests; EKG, holter monitor. The doctor who performed the tests said there's nothing wrong with me.
I've had blood work and a thyroid ultrasound, wisdom teeth removal because the dentist suspected that was the cause, a visit with an ENT who referred me to physical therapy, and after about six sessions there and making no progress I'm about ready to throw in the towel.

I plan on making an appointment with a neuro tomorrow, and in the meantime I will try the celexa the GP who tested my heart prescribed me for anxiety a year ago.
It's really difficult dealing with this. I feel like no one really understands what I'm going through. This numbness feels like it's deep in the head - it's nothing like the feeling of a limb falling asleep, and in my case I've had it last 10-50minutes when it occurs.

Let's hope there's a resolution for us and that it really is just anxiety. My PT and the ENT both remarked that I have very tight/stiff muscles in my neck and shoulders on the left side, but nothing we've tried has provided relief.

Keep me updated and let me know if you have any questions, I'll do the same.

[trainwreck]

Welcome to the board Lo. 

I can't tell you if it is your imagination or not.  That is the thing with people with HA.  Many times the feelings are real. But what we are doing is completely misinterpreting those sensations as something far more sinister than it is.  Almost always, it is nothing.  Everyone walking the earth has these strange symptoms.  But a small minority of us react badly to them.  Once you react badly, you become hyper-vigilant and monitor that area.  If you monitor ANY area on your body, you will always feel something. 

You mentioned MVP and there is a lot of debate as to whether this can be a cause of panic disorder.  It is worth discussing with your doctor.

Anyway, the key to this is what happens after you see your doctor.  If he give you clean results, (and while I am not a doctor I can tell you with pretty good confidence that he/she will solely based on statistics), if you still feel like you are ill, you need to take getting treatment for HA as seriously as you would any other disease, or it will rob you of as much quality of life as MS would. 

Glad you found the board.  You will find many knowledgeable, helpful people. 

 

[wegngis]

...physical therapy, and after about six sessions there and making no progress I'm about ready to throw in the towel.

I just wanted to encourage you.  I've dealt with a bunch of weird stuff over the last year that has really been helped by physical therapy.  It took way longer than 6 visits.  I was in for about 22, then another round of 6 later in the year.  The real change is doing the exercises at home.  PT just gets you moving in the right direction.

[lo]

I didn't want to start a new thread, so I'll post the update in here...

I spoke to the neurologist, who was rather cold, impatient and borderline dismissive (I have no insurance and had to set up a payment plan, but I endured that feeling of being treated like I wasn't human because they don't believe they'll be getting paid for seeing me..) and brushed off any talk of anxiety, fibromyalgia, pinched nerve, etc. He arranged for me to have an MRI with contrast and an MRA to check for MS, ministroke or aneurysm (having those done was a nightmare.. the hospital wanted almost $2,000 and I had to again set up a payment plan, but they almost didn't want to do the scans) and both came back clear. I still have no idea what is wrong with me. It's still very much a struggle.

And now I've developed slight tingling in that arm, just the past day or so, probably because I strained it considering the muscle is very sore. But I have some sort of stomach virus or food poisoning and have also been nauseous off and on for about twenty-four hours now... and my HA is acting up terribly because while I can easily and rationally deduce what the cause is, the paranoid side of me is just taking the tingling arm and lingering nausea and my fight or flight reflexes are telling me I'm having a heart attack. I see my GP next week, so I just need to try and hold on until I can talk to her about everything.

Thank you so much for your replies, everyone. I hope you're doing well, Eiri-- so strange that we're both going through this and we're both 23. I was on celexa at one point as well.

[lalalorie]

Hang in there, Lo. Give yourself a break, if just for a moment, and take comfort in all then normal test results.

[Eiri]

Hey Lo, wanted to give you an update -
I had my visit with the neuro about two weeks ago and he listened to me, performed the standard tests, and said he didn't see anything wrong with me.
The celexa I've been taking has made me feel better for the past month - I've actually been myself 99% of the time and don't think about dying anymore.
The neurologist also raised the question, he asked if my symptoms were really so awful or if it was the fear that was associated with the symptom; e.g. I feel crawling in my scalp or numbness in my head and think I'm having a stroke or brain tumour, etc.

I told him that of course it was the fear of dying constantly hovering over me, and he smiled and explained that it was a classic case of anxiety. He assured me that the sensations I feel are real, but because of the state of hyper-awareness that I have put my body in, they are magnified immensely. He ordered an MRI which he expects will not reveal anything, but he said that he is willing to do it because I told him that it would put my mind at ease if it comes back clear. He said he wants me to go out and enjoy life, and after the MRI comes back clear to taper off the celexa and be content with the fact that I am young and healthy.

I had the MRI of my brain with contrast done today and am awaiting results now.

I hope you're feeling better, let me know how things are going.