Realising the need to get a grip...

[Catesykes]

I've been thinking a lot about HA. (Not surprising!) for me it's always been in the background as I've always been an anxious person by nature BUT now its been triggered and totally out of control. It's become like an addiction, that I cannot not think about the 'what ifs' and 'I must have the worst disease'. My anxiety is hereditary and I'm concerned that if this cycle continues then I will make myself really ill. I have to beat it. Somehow I will. 3 out of 4 grandparents suffered from severe anxiety. I will tell you about two. (And some history!)

My paternal grandmother lost both her parents by time she was 18. She has lots of responsibilities with her siblings. World War II broke out and she became one of the few female police officers in London during the Blitz (scary times). Anyway she was on duty the night there was a crush in the underground where 173 civilians were killed. She was in charge of identification- men, women and children. I can't imagine the trauma of this. She left the police on medical grounds a year later, reason in her discharge papers- 'anxiety state'. She never ever talked about this afterwards. Its like she blocked it from her life. She came across as strong and never anxious. Then 2 out of her 5 siblings developed Parkinson's disease. She feared this. She developed the symptoms of full blown Parkinson's in her 70s, had it for 12 years and became very poorly with it. When she died the doctor said she didn't have it. Could her mind have convinced her??? We will never know for sure. We know she feared it. Did her anxiety that she suppressed all those years manifest later?

My grandfather, her husband also had severe anxiety. This weakened his heart. Can the cycle be broken? Is it possible to get a hold? I don't want to end up the same as my relatives.

[Allochka]

Hi,
I admire your granny! She served her country in the darkest times, she was very brave! But her Parkinson symptoms without actually having the disease prove what extremely bad physical issues our anxious minds can cause. This alone should give you (and all of us) enough reasons to fight against HA.
And I'm sure the cycle can be broken. Check out some members here - Sixpack, Floridaguy, Marc. They were able to learn to keep their HA under control, to lessen it and live joyfull lives! And they share their experience here. It is all right here, please read their old posts, they are very insightful and inspiring. Check out posts of former member Pan, they are so helpful.
You know the exact reasons why your HA started. You can work it out. I am absolutely sure you' ll beat it one day. It can take a longer time, but you' ll succeed!