Don't know where to turn

[destiny1]

I am so depressed about the things I do when my anxiety is up. I just cant stop hating myself. I need help. My husband doesnt  tunderstand. After being up all night worrying he calls me to chew me out about it. I just want to dissappear. I cant believe I have to function today. I'm sitting here desperate but still trying to put on make up through my tears because I have to.

[Atlas]

When I get really bad I have to separate myself from my illness instead of getting sucked into it.  My brain is sick & needs to be fixed just like if I had a cold.  I know when my brain is sick I don't think straight, I don't listen to the racing thoughts, I don't make any decisions & remind myself that it'll break...it always does.  The hard part is waiting for it.  Do you have any meds?  Work w/a dr?  You need your sleep, that's important.  Do some self soothing even if its just talking to yourself that things will get better.  Also look into grounding techniques to help w/the racing thoughts.  They bring you back to the present & help you focus even if its for a small amount of time.
When I get sick my husband heads for the hills, which always used to *iss me off & sometimes it still does.  I do understand his feeling of helplessness, not knowing what to do for me & just like a man, wants to fix it & move on.  Sometimes I do have to physically grab him & ask him to hold me & tell me things will work out.  I need that. I tell him to be my cheerleader eventhough Im so negative.  Its terribly hard on a marriage, but when you're better you have to tell him what he needs to do for you.  Otherwise men are clueless.
Now go to the nearest Redbox/Blockbuster & get a really funny movie.  A giggle can be a welcome change.
I hope this helps, its just my opinion, but hopefully you can get thru this episode.  Keep in touch!

[destiny1]

Thank you SO much. I feel your support and it means more than most people could know. I am so grateful that after my last bought my husband seemed mad and wanted to talk (I thought it was for a scolding) but he broke down and reminded me that I am the woman he always wanted to marry, and he just wants to understand how to be there for me. I am humbled right now as I had convnced myself that I must be a regret to him. First DR appointment next week. I can't wait to be on the road to managing this beast.

[Atlas]

Why is it that we feel like we're goin to b scolded? I feel that way too thinking I'm not pulling my weight 0213 home. I think it's bec we always here people say "just get over it or your just imagining it.". The last thing we need is a scolding we do it enough to ourselves.
When I've been really bad for a long time I've asked my husband to leave me. I feel like I'm dragging him down w/me. He doesn't leave though, mentally checks out but that's his way if handling it. He also has to be mom to our kids while I'm down. It's teamwork. For better or for worse. When you're better tell him exactly what you need during those bad times. Hopefully he'll jump right in.
Keep your chin up. Glad to hear you're goin to see someone for some help. I hope it works out & you're on your way to recovery. Peace

[Happy sailing]

Hey there,
I believe I am getting better... GAD, and some depression, etc.
However, I am single, never married and don't have kids.  This is hard for me, and you know how negative your thoughts and emotions can get.  Early 4th decade....
I want to find someone and now kids?  Well...
Anyway, something to be grateful for is that you both have someone that still wants to be there, even if they don't understand etc.  wow!  You guys are blessed!! 
I am finding meds are helping... Destiny1 - if you haven't started on meds, it is something o consider. I am NOT a med pusher and it took me a while to try a SSRI... However, it seems to help a good deal.. I believe I have been low on serotonin...
Just a thought you can discuss with your doctor!