Travel anxiety

[Myrobotfriend]

Ever since I was a kid I've had problems with change in environment. Whether it be something big like moving from one house to another, or something comparatively small like going on a family vacation to a new place. The vacationing turned out to be a big problem, as my parents loved to do it a lot and often. I would feel terror, anxiety and depression as travel dates approached. My parents would usually just write this off as car sickness or jet lag, but regardless I would often protest to leaving the hotel once we got there, and would continue to feel these bad feelings until we returned home.

As I got older it only became more and more difficult. A few nights before a 3 week trip to Europe, after pleading with my parents to shorten the length of the trip, I had a severe panic attack at a friend's house which lasted a few hours. When we arrived in europe, I acted withdrawn and depressed, and felt a consuming feeling of dread. My parents told me after a few days in a heated moment that I was ungrateful, and that any of my friends would have loved to come in my place.

I often still hear variations on this from people when I tell them about my problem:

Me: "I have problems with travel."

Them: "Well I LOVE travel! It's so great to be in a new place etc..."

I haven't ever really known anyone who has had this problem, and honestly I feel a lot of doubt about myself over it, and feel shame. When my parents or other people I know say "He doesn't like to travel! He just likes staying home." when explaining why I don't travel.. it just makes me feel belittled, like a simpleton, unworldly and uninteresting.

Does anyone else experience similar problems? Any coping strategies? Really I'd just like to know that I'm not alone on this... I am so used to hearing from everyone I know that I should just lighten up, suck it up, take an ativan or something.

[kconnors]

Hi,

Well, I have to disagree . . . I don't think that you "should just lighten up, suck it up, take an ativan or something" similar . . . All these things assume that you have control of your feelings, that your feelings are unreasonable, or that meds are the answer to everything . . . 

I would probably ask you whether you have sought guidance with this issue that you have . . . not because you need to prove anything to anyone, but because you may have an unresolved trigger . . . it seems as if your parents never came to grips with the issue that you, as a young person, had an issue. Instead, they used the issue to make you feel inadequate . . . all this did was force you to bury the problem deeper and deeper. There are many reasons why people have issues with travel . . . a friend of mine hates to travel because, as a child, every family vacation was riddled with her parents yelling and screaming at each other in a confined space until the time her parents divorced; another colleague hates to travel because he has to travel 95% of his time with his work and he loves to spend his vacation at home and not moving . . .another friend does not travel because he saw some movie when he was young called Airport about a plan crash or something similar and he just does not fly if he can avoid it . . . however, he does love to travel by trains.

For me, you might consider getting some professional intervention through a therapist who is not prescribing meds for you but providing you with some guidance to develop techniques to explore why you have your reactions to travel . . .perhaps when you had to move as a child, you left a comfort zone of friends or perhaps you hate traveling because your parents made you feel guilty, etc. With guidance you can explore and understand these issues and develop management techniques so if * you * want to travel, you will be able to do so.

The other thing that I would suggest is that you accept that you are an adult. If you do not want to travel or do whatever, you have the right to make that decision. If someone else loves to travel, good for them . . . . I like to eat odd combinations of food (I would kill for an onion and mustard sandwich at times --- have no idea why --- I don't make anyone else eat them but I certainly am not going to either explain my love of them, ask permission, or seek approval). In other words, if someone says I LOVE travel, you say well that it super for that person . . . they are getting to do what they want . . .

If your parents insist on speaking for you, then the issue is a bit deeper than simply not liking to travel. For some reason, your parents seem to feel that they have to explain your behaviour. You do not have to travel to be worldly and travel does not make someone interesting . . . you are who you are and when you feel as if you need to explore your reactions to travel, then you make the decision. It will help you probably to understand your relationship with your parents. But, make it your decision. I am all for discussing this with your parents and asking them not to speak for you, but if they insist on continuing to do so, then understand the problem is theirs and not yours. Your only issue is to strengthen yourself and seek some professional help so you can understand and manage your issues.

There is absolutely nothing * wrong * with you. You have a reaction that you need to explore to understand the trigger. I am pretty sure even your parents have issues. You however are showing the strength to want to become a stronger person through understanding the issues. By the way, you have to decide to deal with the travel issue and its underlying triggers, but also give yourself credit for all the positive qualities that you have. Sometimes we focus on the one troublesome thing at the expense of all the great things we are and do . . . .please keep in touch and don't allow anyone to belittle you . . . by them belittling you, they are only belittling themselves but they are not astute enough to realize it . . . keep in touch, be strong, and know that we are here to support you when you decide what process you want to take . . . .take care, kc