Becoming a joke

[michael198]

I have posted before here is a recap
 

Hi All
 
Last October i went for an eye test, long story short they put the wrong lenses in and i was getting symptoms like real bad heads, blurred vision and dizzy spells. After 8 weeks of going back to spec savers complaining and going to doctors to see what was wrong, when told everything was fine i started looking and loads of stupid things on the net. I then began gettinng symptoms like pins and needles all over, tension headaches and racing thoughts. i was having kill/hurt thoughts now these have stopped im left with the below
 
After the mistake was spotted and sorted it should of really ended there, but i have just made things much worse. I began to have sleep issues sleeping only 2-3 hours a night and crying for no reason, felt as though i was in a dream and going crazy. i went to the gp and he gave me trazdone, it worked like a treat for 3 weeks and seemed to clear my head abit i was on 100mg a night
 
Then the sleeping problems began again and i started feeling alittle down. I started looking at stupid things on the net after my mum said i hope you aint got skizophrinia or somthing not the best thing to say. However damage was done i went online looking at the symptoms and now i can't get them out my head, there just spinning around trying to fit themselevs into my life.

I read they thing places are bugged, filling are tracking devices and vans are FBI people are watching them, or talking about them. Its like my mind can think oh are they talking about me, but at the same time im thinking dont be so silly. now im thinking what if things are bugged, what if my phone bugged, what if someones watching and i jut feel like im going completly crazy. i am sick of constantly saying when i hear something did you hear that to my family. Ive never heard anything. i even get panicy when them floaters go past your eyes. I read they believe aliens are after them, or they think they are the king or queen. I was reading the paper the other day and there was a story about the queen or pope and instantly in my head are they talking about me, if i lose something i think have aliens took it. I went to the gp right away and he said its just bad aniexty, but im getting scared im sick of having to tell my family every little thought that goes through my head, its like me eyes, ears and mind are on alert 24 7 incase i hear something. However the strange thing is i proberly would have not known any of this if i never googled, then im scared what happens if i did
 
I then stopped taking the trazodone as it never seemed to be helping i cut it down from 100mg to 0, bad idea i know. Im just really scared i have this illness and its driving me crazy, i mean the other day i drew a smiley face and my mind instantly thought what if it can see me, i know this is complety stupid though lol. I can lie in bed and my mind makes little stories the other night it was work realted it was like my mind was trying to act out the voices (like mind chatter)  But it feels like im awake. Then in a couple of seconds i can forget them. or i can just wake up and think did someone just call my name, or vision someone has just open my bedroom door, but dont actually see it.
 
Where am i know still no better but im trying my best not to let it get me down. Why do we google. Ive been to the gp and he still insists its anxiety, and he would be looking for alot more if i had something else wrong but would not tell me what. and keeps telling me to take the trazdone. However its still not helping me with sleep or calming me down. its like a constant fight its like my mind wants to believe all this is true and its getting hard to keep on fighting it. i start cbt on the 13th of march but can i really go in and say all this without getting carted off to the nearest hospital . My dad said its like watching a horror film, you can believe for ages after that say a murder is under your bed, and you can check everynight but it will go away.

[kconnors]

Hi,

If your doc has eliminated physical issues, then it is probably anxiety. What this means is that you are taking a fantastic step by starting CBT. And, yes, tell your therapist everything . . . .what this does is help the therapist to help you to develop management techniques that will be meaningful to you. It is not a quick fix, but a journey but you have already show your inner strength to engage in the process. Meds are not for everyone; this is an individual decision. For some, they work as a bridge to diminish symptoms. For others, they need them long term. And, yet, for others, CBT, diet, exercise, mindfulness, etc. are used effective either alone or in combination with drugs. Be open with your therapist; share your concerns; and work with the therapist by being open and disclosing your symptoms.

It is true that your mind is in a fight . . . you have reality brain telling you to focus on what is real, but then you have anxiety brain playing on fears that don't exist. Anxiety brain is very clever as it does function like your Dad says. It presents a possible situation that is * not * grounded in reality and then tries to make it into something real. Right now, your thought processes need to be rebalanced. Your reality brain is your best friend and you can support it by developing management techniques to strengthen its processing and its primary position in directing your thoughts. And, by the way, no one will cart you off to the hospital. Your symptoms are just symptoms triggered by anxiety brain trying to gain first place in your thoughts.

Please let us know how March appointment goes and remember . . . what you are doing is not an event, but a process. There might be speed bumps, but you will go forward and work through the all the challenges . . .

Take care and remember to return here as often as you like . . .KC