Appointment anxiety feels absolutely unbearable!

[myWorldofWorry]

I am so nervous about my rheumatologist’s appointment this Thursday that I cannot even begin to describe it. The saying, “paralyzed with fear” comes to mind. For years, I have been worried about scleroderma, and although I’ve seen my family doc about my concerns, I’ve never made the leap to see a rheumatologist. I’m used to my family doc telling me that my concerns are unfounded. I have absolutely no idea what to expect, though, when I see this specialist. The uncertainty is eating away at me. I realize this is a rare disease, and the form I am worried about is all the more rare. But I do have some actual diagnosed conditions that can be related to scleroderma, so that’s really making this feel very real to me. Maybe this doctor will be the one who validates my worries.

There are just so many unknowns circling in my head. Will she review my medical history and tests and assure me that I don’t have what I fear? Or will she be concerned enough to order more tests? What if she examines my blood vessels under a microscope and tells me there is damage consistent with scleroderma? I know there is no point to creating these different scenarios in my head, but I just can’t help but feel anxious about how things will go. I’m really worried about being told something that will make me fall apart. I have a young child and another on the way. I need to be OK for them. I’m scared out of my wits.

How do I make it through the next several days waiting for and anticipating my appointment? I can’t help but worry that this could be the beginning of me learning something awful. Of course my ultimate hope would be to learn that my fears truly are unfounded, but I just can’t get my hopes up. Many people think I am worrying over nothing, but I don’t feel that way.

I am sure many of you have been where I am --- waiting for an appointment with a doctor whom you worry will confirm or add fuel to your worst fears. I am in the thick of it now and not sure how to make it through.

[ceh1354]

I'm afraid I won't be able to help you, but just so you don't feel alone, I am also where you are right now. Exact feelings. Deep down, I don't really believe there is anything wrong, but there is always the famous "what if" phrase that we with HA love so much.
I have been trying to pray more, and trying to force myself to not think so many of the negative thoughts. But believe me, I so know your feeling. It's not easy. I have been waiting over 2 weeks for my appt. and it is finally here, this morning. I made it through waiting and you will too.

Best to you

[greend]

I know how you feel.  I once had to wait for a neurologist appointment, just knowing he'd find something horrible wrong with me.  I remember sitting in his office and when he walked in I thought I was going to pass out.  He said my heart was racing so fast he couldn't even count my heart beats.  I was absolutely losing it.  But, he did his tests and sent me for a series of MRI's and he couldn't find anything wrong with me.

I bet the same will happen with you.  Just think by Friday you can put this all behind you and begin to move on.  All this worry is really no good for you especially since you are pregnant.  You really must try to get your anxiety under control.  Hopefully you are seeing a therapist.  What else are you doing to alleviate your stress level?  Try reading some self help books and do deep breathing.  Envision yourself healthy.  Do this a thousand times a day if need be.  Hang in there.  Many of us have been in your place at one time or another. I have no doubt you will be fine.  Let us know how everything goes.

[myWorldofWorry]

Thank you, ladies! I wish I felt more optimistic, and agree that I need to try my best to keep my nerves in check for my baby.