my boyfriend is suffering from anxiety and i need to understand and help

[lilmisscrazee.x]

My boyfriend, somebody who i care very much for as both a friend
and a boyfriend, has recently developed anxiety, he often feels panicked and anxious and he acts like hes scared of himself. He constantly seems to be worried and im scared because he hasnt told anyone but me. we are both 16 and he refuses to tell his family because he doesnt want to worry them but because he is always upset, i feel our relationship isnt the same anymore. I love him very much and i find it hard to understamd what is happening with him as i have never experienced anxiety before. i want to help him because he is afraid he will never go back to normal and doesnt know what he can do to make things better for himself. i know im not the one in this situation but his sadness is affecting me too, i just want to help and understand what he is going through, please will someone share some advice with me?

[Goldenowl]

As someone who has a boyfriend but i suffer from anxiety issues, Its difficult to deal with especially at the age of 16. I'm 25 and i personally feel like my boyfriend deserves someone else and shouldnt have to deal with my issues. But yet, he does. Hes willing to be there for me and attempt to understand and just listen to me when i am mad/sad. I've been suggested to see someone to talk bout why I'm so worried all the time. Ive come here first to see if some techniques from others will help. You cant solve his problems you can only be there for him. let him know you are willing to listen to whatever he has to say when hes ready to talk. He is better off tho trying to talk to someone. His family probably cares bout him and wants to know whats going on. you will only be able to understand whats going on with him when he tells you. Its horrible to say that but its true. I wish u the best of luck tho. remember your happiness is what should matter too

[Cheesus]

I'd just like to say that its fantastic that you're so willing to be patient and helpful to your boyfriend at such a young age. I really admire that.

Also you will be a rock to him right now. At times it will become frustrating. However, you don't always have to necessarily fully understand what he is going through. Rather you just need to be there as someone he can rely on and who will listen to him impartially. You don't have to offer him advice. You're not his therapist or his doctor, and you're certainly not trained or experienced in matters of diminished mental health and wellbeing. You just need to be a shoulder to cry on and someone to help offer him strength when things get rough and he will appreciate it more than you can know.

These things can become difficult for any other half of a relationship. Don't bottle up and take his illness on yourself as your responsibility. Encourage him to speak to a professional when he can, and lend him the courage to do so. Don't blame yourself for anything. Moreover, it is important for you to talk to people and offload any pressure that this is placing on you. You need to look after your own welfare as well as his.

I obviously suffer from anxiety and my girlfriend also suffered from depression and anxiety for a while. The support that a boyfriend or girlfriend can lend is really amazing and I tell me girlfriend often how much I appreciate her and how much I am grateful for her support. However, my health is not her responsibility and I wouldn't like to put her in that position. Talk earnestly and honestly with your boyfriend.

[Cheesus]

Also, I hate to stereotype, but when I was 16 I was smoking a lot of cannabis, drinking a lot of alcohol and taking a lot of hallucinogenic drugs. This is something that is certainly not typical of or confined to 16 year olds, however you often find that people of a younger age can be a bit more reckless with their health. Whether or not this applies to you (I'm certainly not asking you to confirm or deny if it does), at this stage it might be a good idea to consider lifestyle a bit to see if there is a trigger there.

Best of luck

[lilmisscrazee.x]

thankyou everyone, i feel happy knowing that hes not alone and neither am i, i am really concerned for him and will do whatever it takes to be there for him, thankyou for the advice guys X

[lilmisscrazee.x]

well if im honest, we rarely do those things but i also get scared that maybe something ive done has possible triggered it? i mean ive hurt him before and although he says its not to do with it is it possible that could have started it? Im scared of losing him and its hard because our families are so close and all of my friends are so close to us but they dont know about his anxiety which makes it harder for me because i have no one to talk to about it. I suffered from a short bout of depression about a year ago and told nobody and hated every second of my life, i dont want him feeling the same because im the only one he has told an im not that much help?

[Cheesus]

I think its great that you want to do whatever it takes. But you MUST remember to look after yourself. Give yourself a break if you need it. This is essential to both of you as too much pressure could jeopardise your relationship.

I would say its incredibly unlikely you have triggered it. Unless you've done something significantly emotionally and physically abusive to him beyond the normal trials and tribulations of human relationship, I would says its more like due to a number of factors stemming from his current circumstances (possibly concerned about the future as he is a young man turning into an adult), his biology (perhaps he is overly sensitive to stress) and his upbringing (his parents might exhibit anxious behaviours).

I would suggest that you gently encourage him to either talk to his parents or see a doctor (preferably both, eventually). However, do not pressurise him to do this. People move at their own paces with these things and it might be too much for him at the moment. Just take it a step at a time and keep talking to us if you need support.

On the upside he can certainly feel a lot better again, and with the right support it needn't take too long :)

[coeus]

It can't be very hard helping someone ease their anxiety or being understanding especially when you can't experience the same thing. I don't think that you've done anything wrong and that you sound like you do genuinely care for his mental well-being and the state of your relationship.

There are so many people that experience anxiety day in and day out but it's a condition that can be managed effectively and can improve with the right help. You're already helping him by showing that you do certainly care.

I would suggest seeing whether he would be comfortable with seeing a counsellor or therapist to talk through his problems. Obviously it would be ideally best if you approached him in a non-threatening manner - I know that people can be very reactive towards being convinced that they may have a problem. I'm sure he's going through some tormenting thoughts and worries and really would hate having his anxieties re-validated. He can get help though and he can get his life back. It may be a new 'normal' but it will be one worth nurturing even in the midst of anxiety.

Good luck.