Can someone please lead me in a direction of help?

[tnrocks]

A little about myself. I am a 33 year old married father of 3 little girls. I suffer terribly from anxiety, panic, phobias. I am agoraphobic and rarely leave the house other than to practice with my band. I was an computer IT guy for an engineering firm for 5 years until the anxiety of working in a big city started to affect my job and recently I was laid off (June 2012). Since then I have went to therapy but they insist on not prescribing me medication of any form and said I need to get over everything with counseling. I would like to try medication again.....but taking medicine is a phobia. Here's a list of my phobias

I only drive 20 min from home. No parkways, turnpikes, major highways etc. I can't even be a passenger. I haven't went on vacation in years because of this.

Fear of all medication other than Advil. I'm even scared to use any sort of cream

Fear of food. I'm constantly worried that I am going to get food poisoning. I will eat 4 hours after my family does so I know the food is not harmful. I know that's kind of messed up but I do it.

I think if I can start to take medicine again I would be in a better direction than I am now. I had a bad experience with Zoloft about 12 years ago. I took it for about 4 years and thought it wasn't doing anything for me so I stopped. Well I eventually noticed myself getting worse slowly. So I decided to go back on it. I took a pill and went to bed. I woke about a hour later with the worst panic attack ever. I took a Xanax to stop the panic attack which it did. From that moment on I haven't touched any sort of medication other than Advil or amoxicillin.

I've had some bad panic attacks and I even went as far as putting a Xanax under my tongue for a couple seconds then spitting it out. In my head for some reason if I start on such a low dose and see its not doing anything harmful to me I can eventually build myself up to take more.

I tend to sleep a lot during the day. I base everything around my naps. I think it's depression for the reason I am tired all the time. I feel sorry for myself and seem to give up rather quickly and fall backwards.

Any advice will greatly be appreciated.

[Hijita]

Your situation sounds exhausting, but I'm glad to hear you're taking steps to make it better. Has your therapist mentioned CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy)? It sounds like it'd be helpful here.

As far as the medication, maybe try your doctor instead of your therapist.

[Jlo1019]

Oh gosh I'm so sorry about your situation. I have a fear of medicine too. Ive always tried to fight my anxiety med-free. Its a tough road to choose for sure.

Have you considered therapy? Maybe therapy can help you at least get to a point where you can start to consider meds.

I'm sorry you are struggling so much. I hope being on the board helps you realize you aren't alone.

[tnrocks]

Thanks for the replies. Therapy has never been successful for me. I am open about my problems and I dont have an issue with talking with someone about it. I found at counseling/therapy that I never take the tools home with me and practice them. I found when I feel good I tend not to think about my anxiety. When I feel bad I pretty much hide and run from everything/everyone.

I know this is a common anxiety symptom but I havent seen it talked about much on the forum. I sometimes feel a creepy, crawly sensation on the back of my head. It used to be real bad until recently. I made myself sick at first thinking it was some disease. knock on wood but I think i might have overcome it and told myself that its just anxiety and it's myself bringing it on.

I dont have health insurance so I pay for everything out of pocket. I do want to find a doctor who understands and will work with me with my medicine phobia. I think if I can take small doses of Xanax I would have some relief and more of a will to get myself better.