A little about myself. I am a 33 year old married father of 3 little girls. I suffer terribly from anxiety, panic, phobias. I am agoraphobic and rarely leave the house other than to practice with my band. I was an computer IT guy for an engineering firm for 5 years until the anxiety of working in a big city started to affect my job and recently I was laid off (June 2012). Since then I have went to therapy but they insist on not prescribing me medication of any form and said I need to get over everything with counseling. I would like to try medication again.....but taking medicine is a phobia. Here's a list of my phobias
I only drive 20 min from home. No parkways, turnpikes, major highways etc. I can't even be a passenger. I haven't went on vacation in years because of this.
Fear of all medication other than Advil. I'm even scared to use any sort of cream
Fear of food. I'm constantly worried that I am going to get food poisoning. I will eat 4 hours after my family does so I know the food is not harmful. I know that's kind of messed up but I do it.
I think if I can start to take medicine again I would be in a better direction than I am now. I had a bad experience with Zoloft about 12 years ago. I took it for about 4 years and thought it wasn't doing anything for me so I stopped. Well I eventually noticed myself getting worse slowly. So I decided to go back on it. I took a pill and went to bed. I woke about a hour later with the worst panic attack ever. I took a Xanax to stop the panic attack which it did. From that moment on I haven't touched any sort of medication other than Advil or amoxicillin.
I've had some bad panic attacks and I even went as far as putting a Xanax under my tongue for a couple seconds then spitting it out. In my head for some reason if I start on such a low dose and see its not doing anything harmful to me I can eventually build myself up to take more.
I tend to sleep a lot during the day. I base everything around my naps. I think it's depression for the reason I am tired all the time. I feel sorry for myself and seem to give up rather quickly and fall backwards.
Any advice will greatly be appreciated.