I won't lie, I'm a bit nervous. I have never been good at talking about myself. I'm Sara, nice to meet you. Sorry it is under these circumstances. I'm twenty-four years old, married and have an amazing child. He is the light of my life and the reason I'm actively seeking help. He's young and doesn't understand now, I need to get better so I can be the mother that I want to be.
I haven't been "officially" diagnosed with anything yet. My first doctor appointment is in twelve days and I am absolutely terrified but its a start. I was always the "shy and quiet" kid in school. I live in my head. Obsessive thoughts, wondering what other people think, trying to script out conversations that I end up never having, doubting my self-worth, I'm sure you guys understand.
I have had anxiety symptoms for as long as I can remember, eleven or twelve. Depression reared its ugly head when I was about fourteen. I self-harmed until I was eighteen. I was able to cope through escaping on the computer, in books, music. Anything that distracted me from reality. I met my husband and I was doing really well for awhile there. I still had pretty severe anxiety but I could deal with it. Then I became pregnant. I'm pretty sure I had/have untreated post-partum depression. My panic attacks have increased, I experience depersonalization and memory loss and it scares me. I do not leave my house, I'm scared to be in public by myself, I don't do anything I used to enjoy doing anymore. I have no motivation to. I'm exhausted 24/7. I get angry way too easily. I don't talk to anyone anymore. My husband works 70-80 hours a week so its me and the kiddo. I keep the curtains drawn and the deadbolt locked while I'm home. My monster-in-law ( story for another time ) is stalking us so even if I could leave the house, I won't because she is there. I am literally trapped in my own home. I don't want him to see me like this, I want to be able to take him to the park, find mom-friends so he can have play dates. This has gotten really long, sorry.
Hi, I'm Sara. I'm pretty lonely and miserable so having someone to talk to would be nice.
