afraid of working and scared of people

[yoyoyomonica]

I have been a sufferer for about 25 years now. I am terrified of people and Scare to work or volunteer for places because I am a perfectionist and cant seem to see any worth in what I do. I feel like I am always doing something wrong. I am a hard worker But when I am committed to anything. I MEAN ANYTHING. I choke. I dont sleep. all I do is think and think and think all night and day. it gives me great anxiety and then I feel depressed and defeated when I have to leave these positions. It just kills me and exposure hasnt helped so far. I started therapy a couple of weeks ago. My hope is to get better. But I feel like I am already defeated. Do any of you have any tips to help me to get out of my house. OH yea and agora is most of the problem for me. Is there any hope?

[jennylmb]

Hello Monica, I can relate to you as it feels as though you have just described my life in one paragraph. I've been like this all my life (probably from my childhood which is common) and find it very lonely and hard to make and keep friend's, let alone a job or even go to the shops without worrying what people think, If I'm saying the right thing or if I look weird. I am 25 and on fluoxetine (Prozac) for five years and have been in and out of counseling for years, I have found it to help me but not long term unless new thinking methods have been put in place. I have heard that Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a good method and found to be one of the best for Social Anxiety, although my doctor is from the NHS and says their isn't enough funding's for me so I feel like I'm stuck....so if you could try this or research it's benefits it may be of some change for you.

[jennylmb]

Also I used to be so bad I wouldn't leave the house but given time, help, support and determination you will get better. I have suffered with Depression  me for years which unfortunately comes hand in hand but please accept any help you are offered and don't give up. If it ever gets too hard just stop and take time out to breath. Yoga helps to calm my panic attacks as it does have a long term health benefit. Try to stay busy and keen. Also recognize and congratulate yourself when you achieve something no matter how small it may seem to anyone else it is a big deal to you , remind yourself you can and will get better, don't let it have the best of you anymore. I really feel for people who suffer as it's often gone amiss because it's not so much physical but more mental it takes over your whole life....'s only if you give up....never give up-if you need to take time out then do for a break but do not give up. Fight this and win it. I wish you all the best, just hold on in there.

[Bamboo31]

I always seem to preface my comments with, "You are not alone. "  I am comforted to know there is at least one other person somewhere who relates to what I am going through, so hopefully knowing you are not alone will be of some comfort to you.   

I am also a perfectionist.  It even makes sending e-mails and texts difficult.  I agonize over what to write, recheck for mistakes, wonder if my words sound stupid... My interactions with people are a chore.  If I choose the wrong word, or same something dumb, I can obsess over it for days.

I, like you, don't like being committed to things.  It is a huge weight-like a cloud hanging over me.  I don't even like appointments and can't wait until they are over so I can cross it off the calendar and free myself of it.

Believe it or not, I volunteer and have a job (very part-time).  I think the key is finding the right thing for you.  There must be something you are good at-anything.  Do you like animals? Do you sew? I can't really comment on your agoraphobia.  You started therapy, so you must be able to leave the house, correct? 

There is always hope.  Maybe you could start with baby steps. I started by helping out my elderly neighbors.  I cut their grass and pulled weeds.  There is no "perfect" when doing chores like those-just good, honest work.  Maybe someone could use your help cleaning.  You need to be productive and take the focus off you, and put your energy toward helping other people.  You build your confidence slowly, then branch out to other areas.  It is very likely the previous positions you held were not the right fit for you. 

Do you have friends or family members that are supportive? Are you on any medication? There are tools available to help you, but you have to put forth the effort to make things better.  There is nothing wrong with failing.  That will get you one step closer to finding the right path for you.