Having a rough time

[beth0277]

Ugh...I was doing well. My old PCP's office just called me. They somehow got forwarded a copy of my CT scan. I assume they were listed as my PCP either with the hospital or maybe with the GI doctor. They called sort of freaking out to check on me. I know on paper things don't look good. The report even says "worrisome for cancerous lesion" or something along those lines, but I was doing okay until they called. Ugh..I know this doesn't change anything, but it does bring it to the forefront of my mind.

[hamsterswheel]

Hi Beth

I'm sorry you are going through this.

I think you are not going to settle until you get the scan again.

I do also think that going for tests does come up with things that are not always easily explainable but to a ha person set them over the edge.

Ive experienced it several times. Once with my then toddler who seemed to catch colds etc constantly. Took herto several paeds. All said perfect health. I insisted on bloods.... Got urgent call to ask me to come up right away. Something was crazy numbers so had to repeat tests. This went on for five weeks in a row, plus X-rays etc. said they were looking for things lik rickets etc. long and short it was a virus in her system that by the fifth week of bloods showed normal numbers. If only I had listened when docs told me no tests needed.

Then for me I went to Gp with pain under right breast. I realise in hindsight it was anxiety. She sent e for straightforward gallstones ultrasound. Next thing consultant is being called into the room and medical chat between radiologist nd consultant whilst scanning me. Radiology said 'possible filling defect' on my vena cava vein. Consultant said, no its a mass on liver. MRI ordered 3 weeks later. Vena cava fine. Complex cyst on liver. Never been seen specifically lik this before. Discussed with various consultants before giving me results that t was almost certainly benign. Strange looking but benign. I agonised for weeks and months. Hated the fact they hadn't one across similar before. Had repeat scan 6 months later. No change. That was 2.5 years ago. I've had no issues so if it was ca I'm sure I'd knw by now. But that's what going for a med test I in really need in the first place did to me.

Then I also freaked bout. Blood result the was slightly off. Even though Gp assured me it was fine. Had bloods and that one was now fine but two others off!!!!!! I had thm redone an tiny bit lower. Gp said normal for me but old look into it.  One was a liver function. So it led her to het in touch with a liver consultant who ordered. Liver blood test  that shows most liver cancers. That came back completely clear. I was told the earlier results were just 'normal for me'. That was two years ago.

Since then I avoid tests f I don't need them. I have a good relationship with Gp and if she thins I need further tests I go. If not I trust what she tells me. With ha, we look for perfection. But as you have found out and looking at my examples, things that are not 'normal' show up all the time. There isn't always an explanation. But it doesn't always mean sinister.

You need to make a decision that will give you race from this situation. I do think ha aside, If an average person had experienced what you have, they may want a repeat scan to be absolutely sure that what was picked up on that ct scan is definitely no longer there. Once you get this, you can make peace with it. Learn the lesson and no more tests for tests sake. That's my motto for myself coz I truly believe if we seek hard enough we will ALWAYS fine things off and for me as a prison who battles with ha, the uncertainty kill me and so does the lack of perfection. My mind tells me 'but there MUST be a reason'...... But sometimes there is just not.

Xx

[hamsterswheel]

P.s sorry for all spelling mistakes (flipping iPad ), an long post.

[beth0277]

Thanks Hamsterwheel, I have made the decision to get the repeat scan in 3 months, I just have moments of utter panic. And then times that I am fine. My rational mind tells me that they would have seen something with the cystoscopy if it were ANYTHING at all, but you know with HA our rational mind usually doesn't win. I am scared to wait 3 months, thinking "it" will grow, but I have to tell myself that "it" wasn't there. Ugggggh. Yes, testing should only be done on most needed circumstances because otherwise when things come back wacky, it just sends us into a tailspin.

[beth0277]

To add to my last post...I think the reason this is causing me a lot of anxiety is because I am so used to people telling me not to worry about things and that I don't need tests. This has been the first time EVER that people are like "Yeah, I can totally understand your concern". That scares me!

I need to repeat in my mind "The doctor looked in the bladder, saw nothing, move on" but you know how HA runs with stuff.