Hi Beth:) I know it's tough.
I wrote you a longer post yesterday of what my advice would be. To me, there simply is no other alternative. As I said yesterday, I don't have all the answers, certainly. But, what I do know about seeking out a longerterm healing path for HA involves moving away from medical intervention, ultimately. There is likely always gonna be some doubts (some more driving than others), but we just cannot continue to embrace counterproductive measures in our overall well-being protocol. The fear isn't gonna go away, overwhelmingly, until you take a leap of faith and move away from medical intervention. It will be a leap of faith as we just will not find the ultimate reassurance we are looking for. We will not find it as it does not exist for anxiety peeps. What does exist is the hope from continuing to seek out a healing path for our mental health challenges.
Your CT scan that you just had is clean. This is wonderful. Why would your friends input dictate further action on your part? The reason is that we have HA / ADs and we feel compelled to seek out reassurances that we are gonna be OK in life and we feel compelled to seek out reassurances that what we are doing (or what we are not doing) is OK. This is why we can feel so dramatically helpless. The reassurance seeking removes our ability to feel we have some control over our lives. We feel as if we are just flailing in the wind being drifted around, aimlessly, by our HA / ADs...being taken wherever our anxiety issues wanna take us. It sucks, I know. It is widly rotten. But, there has to be a time where you feel the fear - feel the compulsions - feel as if you are 'risking' your life - feel as though you are being callous to the well-being of your loving family, but you do not fall back into repeat patterns of behavior (actions and habits). Is this a risk? Well, we sure as hell feel it is. But, so much history and so much of our own experience has shown us that it is, actually, not a risk. And, it is definitely not a risk when it is compared to the true a proven risk of keeping ourselves locked up in fear cycles.
I feel ya' Beth:) Lots have been where you are at today:)
Peace and Feel Well:)