Another problem..

[AbnormallyAnxious]

K so I've been talking to this guy for a while now; my aunt is the one who hooked me up with him. He's looking for a serious girl ready for a long-term, maybe leading to marriage relationship. We've been talking for a month now and everything's going well. I like his personality; I've noticed he's honest and patient, and that's something I really like. However, there's still a lot I don't know about him.

Anyways, today he showed me his pictures... And, I hate to say this but I don't like his appearance at all. I know looks aren't all that matters, and I'm not trying to sound judgmental or anything but he's really, really[/i not my type. He's even bald. I can not imagine myself with someone like that. He's just not my kind of man...

Therefore I really don't see a point in continuing this long-distance relationship ... & I hope I don't sound terrible  , but I'm just not attracted to his physical side in any way..

And now I don't know what to do. I don't know how to break the ice, I don't know what to tell him... I'm embarrassed of leaving him because of his looks. And I'm embarrassed of my aunt... and many other people that he went through (that I know as well), in order to reach me.

What to do?

[Bamboo31]

I understand your feelings completely.  There has to be some sort of physical attraction in order for things to work for the long haul.   You've only known him for one month, so the sooner you are honest, the better it is for everyone involved.  He can move on without too much invested into the relationship, and find someone who is attracted to his personality and looks. 

You could say you are not as serious as he is, or, as you've gotten to know him better, you are not compatible for a long-term relationship; you'll be doing him a favor by not wasting his time.
 

   

[AbnormallyAnxious]

Thanks Bamboo. Glad someone understands.

You're right when you said I'd be doing him a favor if I end it now 'cause I won't waste his time, I totally agree on that.. & I got a little offended when you said I'm not as serious as he is, lol.. 'Cause you made me feel like I'm just messing with people and passing time, when I'm really not. I'm just as serious as he is, maybe even more serious, even though he's 27 years old and I'm only 19. Infact, that's what makes me more serious; the fact that I'm ready to be in a stable, serious, long-term and committed relationship leading to marriage at 19 (and I was ready at 17, too with my ex).

So how do I end it? I can't seem to find a way without mentioning his looks, and that would hurt terribly. Who am I to tell him he's not good looking? I'm not an actrice. I'll look like a pathetic moron. 'Sorry we can't be together because I don't like your face.' What the hell...

[Tam0630]

I honestly don't think you are ready for a serious, long term marriage relationship, actually. I felt that way too at 19 and I was sorely mistaken. Judging from your posts, current and previous, I would suggest the best thing you can do is to spend more time alone to discover more about yourself and grow before getting into a long term relationship.

There is a lot of growth that happens between 19 and 25. We learn then that we really didn't know much of anything at all, in the grand scheme of things.

Best of luck. Don't be in a hurry. Enjoy life outside of a man and you will be better for it.

[Bamboo31]

Your mindset changes drastically as you age.  There is a big difference between age 19 and 27.  I can see how someone who is 27 may be thinking about a long-term relationship, but why at 19? If I would have married the person I was with at age 19, it would have ended in disaster.  I am a very different person now than I was then. I got married in my early 30s, and I was equipped more at that point to make one of life's biggest decisions-who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I know all this sounds preachy, but it's worth thinking about.  I agree with Tam.

Anyway, back to your question.  I think saying you have discovered you are not compatible is acceptable, or to say he is more serious about a long-term relationship than you at this point is a good way to put it.  When the right person comes along, there is no doubt.  You are attracted to the whole person; therefore you are not compatible with this particular guy.  It is what it is.  It doesn't matter if someone fixed you up, or if someone will be mad.  This isn't THE one.  It is uncomfortable and feelings may be hurt, but we've all been through it.

The sooner this guy knows the truth, the more quickly he can move on.  I wasn't insinuating you are intentionally wasting his time, but if you know he's not for you, continuing on is in effect wasting his time.

[AbnormallyAnxious]

Your mindset changes drastically as you age.  There is a big difference between age 19 and 27.  I can see how someone who is 27 may be thinking about a long-term relationship, but why at 19? If I would have married the person I was with at age 19, it would have ended in disaster.  I am a very different person now than I was then. I got married in my early 30s, and I was equipped more at that point to make one of life's biggest decisions-who I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I know all this sounds preachy, but it's worth thinking about.  I agree with Tam.

Anyway, back to your question.  I think saying you have discovered you are not compatible is acceptable, or to say he is more serious about a long-term relationship than you at this point is a good way to put it.   When the right person comes along, there is no doubt.  You are attracted to the whole person; therefore you are not compatible with this particular guy.  It is what it is.  It doesn't matter if someone fixed you up, or if someone will be mad.  This isn't THE one.  It is uncomfortable and feelings may be hurt, but we've all been through it.

The sooner this guy knows the truth, the more quickly he can move on.  I wasn't insinuating you are intentionally wasting his time, but if you know he's not for you, continuing on is in effect wasting his time.

Why do you think that?

[Bamboo31]

You said you don't see a point in continuing the relationship, so I was just trying to give suggestions of things you could say to let him down easy.

[AbnormallyAnxious]

Ohhhh I'm sorry I thought you told me that he's more serious about a long-term relationship than me. & if I tell him that he'll ask me why did I accept to talk to him in the first place..