I feel kind of weird posting on here but I've been living with anxiety for the passed three weeks and I don't know what to do about it. It all started around three weeks ago when I was about to go on a trip to the Caribbean. I was at work when my first panic attack started. I was thinking how I'm going to be on a plane for five hours and how cramped the planes are and I started to freak out. I all of a sudden got a depressed feeling, the sudden need to puke, and the over all "Oh no something is wrong" panic took over my whole body, this has only happened to me once before when i was drinking at my friends house, I'm not a huge drinker but I have had drinks before and it never happened to me, however, i remember that one night we were all drinking when all of a sudden i got a panicky feeling and my friend calmed me down in the bathroom, eventually it went away, however that was two months ago. Anyways, Ive flown many ties before, my whole family usually goes on trips to the Caribbean every winter. I left for the trip the next day and i was fine for the whole week, however, when coming back I had a major panic attack in the airport. It was terrible, and after that I had two more following the days after. I felt really depressed and anxious all the time, not to mention scared these panic attacks will never go away and that I'm slowly going nuts. I wake up everyday asking myself how do i feel today? and then i always judge my thoughts. My thoughts even started to scare me, i started question my surroundings, like "what is the point to life?" "why am i here?" type thing. I was literally scared of everything, it took me a bit of time to get comfortable in my moms car, I even had a panic attack in the mall. I remember the doctor asking me if I'm "hallucinating" and I asked him what he meant, he said "like u were taken away by aliens or something" and i said no, i didn't think that, however, after he said that i thought to myself "abducted by aliens?" and then i got really freaked out for even thinking that thought. Like I'm nuts for even thinking it in the first place and now whenever i see something on aliens i get really scared. Just a week ago i went on another trip to the Caribbean, this time with my family. I was fine on the plane going there because i took lorazepam, however in the Caribbean i battled the anxious feeling everyday, i started getting bizarre thoughts, my head started pounding as if i had a migraine and i felt nervous and an overwhelming need to cry. And then all of a sudden id get my thoughts together and it would stop, it would also stop when i was with my friends and family, I would feel like my old self again and it felt great until i once again started questioning my feelings, "how am i feeling?." Coming back form the Caribbean I flew first class to help with my anxiety, I freaked out even though i took half of a lorazepam. Not out in the open but by myself in my head, i was literally freaking out thinking to myself, i need to get off this plane, i can't do this, but i just stayed seated and eventually the plane took off, i still feel nervous the whole flight however i made it. It's been two days now since i got back and i still feel funny but I feel more calm now, my body isn't in constant panic mode but i still get bizarre thoughts however, after reading some forums on here (they are very helpful btw lol) i just tell myself, its just a thought you can let it go because it won't hurt you. I don't know if this is self recovery because its almost as if I'm starting to accept these thoughts and be okay with them, or is this me going insane slowly? I did the worst thing possible after my first panic attack and "googled" my symptoms and a bunch of stuff popped up like schizophrenia and what not, so now I'm terrified I have that so i constantly question my thoughts. The passed 3 weeks have been pretty much hell for me, couldn't even fully enjoy my vacation. I would really like some insight on whats happening to me, as I'm writing this i feel calm however my head is racing with thoughts and i have a headache. I just want to be my old self again. I do have an appointment with a councillor however, its in two weeks. Hopefully this site can substitute for now.