The day it all startet ...
I'm not talking about the panic disorder, or the generalized anxiety, nor the OCD. Those i can live with, and have lived with the past 20 years... atleast!
No, im talking about when the motionsickness / tension started. - I've been searching for answer on this for a long time, i've never found any, probably becaused i've been looking the wrong places? I dont know. - All i know is that i NEED to find them!
All kind of anxiety disorders have a main subject to it, some people know the subject, others don't. - I know what i would call the main subject to my anxiety - I'm deadly anxious of thowing up, getting nausea, or in general stomach flu's. - Despite that i haven't been throwing up the past atleast 12 years, doesn't affect the continueousness of my anxiety to do so. - It actually has gotten worse! - Funny right?
Anyway, i stopped smoking 4 years ago, the same time period as to where i was in the states on a trip that lasted 3 months. - I had absolutely no issues driving, flying or anything, ofc. I was afraid if i was gonna feel motionsick at some point, but i never did, and if i did it was back then a complete mental conviction! - I can tell that now.
When i got home again, lived some months back in cold Denmark, i realized the day before -The- day was the moment of my life. (Hopefully i will get that back!) - The day it all happened... I was out driving with a woman, i was going to visit my dad. A drive that would take around 25 minutes in car - Not bad really. - But i was SO convienced i was gonna get motionsick, that i was sitting there tension up more and more and suddenly i DID get motionsick, i was feeling SO bad, tensed up, dizzy and motionsick i was raddling back to my house, after finally completing my visit, crawled into bed - Wasn't able to watch tv or play games or anything else that moved and was out of my control!
...It lasted a week where i was not able to do anything, not even going to the bathroom to pee - I think 60% of it was probably caused by the fear of anxiety the lasting days, because i had the feeling of motionsickness my anxiety would take it onto consideration, and use it against me to make me feel even worse. - That i understand. - But i WAS motionsick!
The weeks passed, months, now years. - Its been getting worse and worse, now i can't get on a train anymore, watch a movie where stuff moves weird, or where the entire screen rumbles. - I can't play the games i used to play due to the head bopping, or general screen rumble.
4 Years ago, i never had issues with any games, never had issues with motionsickness other than me being afraid of suffering from it. - Never had any issues with trains, cars or busses - I enjouyed it actually, back then it was a relief driving in a train, i could relax and just listen to the bump on the road, feeling the motions of the train moving and turning. - Now i can't even look at a train moving without first of all feeling nauseas, then dizzy and then i feel tension in my neck down to my shoulders.
I've been visiting an ear doctor, he said it wasn't vertigo, he would clasify it as ''something pshycological'' - I've startet wearing glasses after a few years of this issue, when the doctor examined my eyes, he didn't find anything odd outside of me having to use glasses, probably cause of my over usage of computer! - But when he was using light to examine, i got instantly nausea aswell, since he was turning on/off the light and making weird movements with it.
Now im sitting here, wishing for my life to get back as it was - Cause it can't be like this? I can't do anything? Tell me to swing my head from 1 side to another or look down and up and i feel dizzy as hell and then motionsick. - This cannot be right? - Please give me the answers im looking for, and a solution to it?
I read somewhere about a girl having same issues, she took sleeping pills, that would relax her completly and she wouldnt feel motionsick or any of the other symptoms, perhaps thats a temp. Fix but i would like to make it a perm. one !
Please tell me, that i don't have to live with this, the rest of my life?
Please explain to me, what it is im experiencing and why!
Appreciate your help!
thanks for reading!
- Stina.
