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Author Topic: Relationship advice please..?  (Read 1470 times)

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Offline tinam7

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #10 on: March 01, 2013, 08:29:56 AM »
Thank you Bettie for explaining myself better than I could, ha ha. In truth, I can be cryptic and am sorry. Was using a metaphor on several levels. Maybe this can help. You deserve true love (a diamond), all that love is meant to be. A key component is trust. Do you trust him to care about your well being, about a true partnership of you and him with no interference from others? I don't see that and so I say he is no diamond but sand, of no real value.

Metaphors can be handy, but also confusing. Hope I did not make it worse. 
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Offline AbnormallyAnxious

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #11 on: March 01, 2013, 03:01:58 PM »
So should I end this relationship?
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Offline Bettie

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2013, 01:26:54 PM »
You need to do what's going to make you happy. It sounds to me like this guy isn't the one for you and if anything, is making you more stressed out.

You're young and have plenty of time to live your life and meet new people. Eventually you're going to bump into 'the one'!
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If youíre going through hell, keep going - Churchill

Offline AbnormallyAnxious

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2013, 07:35:46 PM »
Yes he certainly does cause me a lot of stress but you know what they say, relationships aren't easy & perfect; they require sooo much effort and patience and holding on. And when you see 2 people that have been through soo much but are still together, then those 2 are really meant to be. Me and my bf split up like nearly 10 times. Sometimes it's a week (we had many of those), sometimes a month, sometimes 2 months, the last time it was for 4 months. But he always ends up calling me once again, and we just resume everything.

And I know he's not the only fish in the sea but I really want this guy IF it's me that he wants as well. I'm really scared of letting go of the love of my life 'cause of a false alarm. That would hurt terribly and I would be miserable.

And even if I were to let go, how? What do I tell him? I want to show him the e-mails first, but, I don't want him to know I was poking my nose around in his stuff. I planned to lie and tell him somebody (maybe one of his friends; someone who knows his e-mail l ) hacked into his account to see if he really wanted me for real (this person knows me and knew i was in a relationship with my bf ) , and wanted to save me from any danger or further trouble. So after finding those e-mails and knowing we were still together, he e-mailed them to me so I could know what I need to know. How does that sound?
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Offline Bettie

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #14 on: March 04, 2013, 07:24:45 AM »
Itís true no relationship is perfect but this seems like there are a lot of problems. And if youíre having problems now they will in all likelihood continue on in the future. Splitting up ten times or so is just not healthy.

I think everything is made worse by the fact youíre doing it long distance. Those types of relationships are really difficult to maintain (I triedÖand failed!) and usually only survive when a couple have a really strong connection and complete trust in one another.

You say you really want this guy but are you sure it isnít the attention from him youíre after instead? Getting nice emails, calls and texts from a guy feels great but until you have actually spent long periods of time in his company (doing mundane couple stuff), how do you really know heís the one? And the same applies to him too.

Re your question belowÖin my opinion I would not make a complicated story about email hacking as he is definitely going to want to question you in depth and itís easy to make a mistake when talking to him. Instead keep it simpleÖif it was me I would say that right now I donít want to be in this relationship because I feel Iím too young. Going into a long term relationship is a big decision and one I don't feel ready form. You could add that you feel trust is an issue due to the distance. But these are just my opinions! You have to do what you feel is right. And at the same time, donít be afraid to take a big step.

And if you do take that step, donít weaken in a monthís time and reply to his emails or his calls. Stay firm about it or youíll just end up back at square one.
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If youíre going through hell, keep going - Churchill

Offline tinam7

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #15 on: March 04, 2013, 07:48:25 AM »
What I am trying to piece together is this thread with another thread buy AA on the same topic, I think.

What I completely fail to get is on what basis there is this "truly, deep, mad" love per Reply No. 2 here. How long did the relationship exist? When were you actually together? I find this interesting because it seems relationships these days develop so differently than when I was young. Am trying to keep up with the times.
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Offline AbnormallyAnxious

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #16 on: March 04, 2013, 05:10:18 PM »
Telling him I don't to be in this relationship because I'm too young is pretty ridiculous. 'Cause then I'll just look like an idiot who doesn't even know what she wants. I was with him at the age of 17 years old. I'm now 19. I wanted him at 17 (and was sure), so you can't imagine how bad I want him now and am even more sure. + I know what his reaction will be to that, and I totally agree if he gets pissed off 'cause I wouldn't be making any sense. He'll tell me that's a complete lie, and that I'm just looking for excuses to leave him.
& about him questioning me about the 'person that hacked him', I'm pretty sure I can deal with that without making any mistakes that will let him know I'm the one who hacked him. I've done similar stuff before with great success.

***** tinam, the other thread is about a different person actually. The guy I'm talking about now I've known since I was 17.
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Offline Bettie

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #17 on: March 05, 2013, 03:34:41 AM »
Donít worry about looking like an idiot or whether or not he will get annoyed because this is about doing whatís best for you. Never try and please anyone to the detriment of yourself because that always ends up in tears.

If youíre really sure about him then stay with himÖ.if you genuinely feel itís not the right time to dump him then donít.

But keep in mind that youíre just 19 and what you want right now could be very different to when youíre a few years older (ask any 25 year old and I think theyíre going to 100% agree!). Donít rush into anything too soonÖ.go out and enjoy life and try not to stress over this guy too much. I do believe that everyone shows their true colours eventually and if this guy is the one for you, youíll know it.
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Offline AbnormallyAnxious

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #18 on: March 05, 2013, 01:31:59 PM »
& if I wanted to dump him and show him the e-mails... ?
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Offline Bettie

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Re: Relationship advice please..?
« Reply #19 on: March 08, 2013, 12:23:31 PM »
Sorry for slow reply....had a bad cold:(

I'm not sure that showing him the emails is the best idea. It's a big violation of his privacy and you will lose any moral high ground that you might have.

It's just my opinion but I think it would be better to approach it as you want to break up with him and you don't see yourself having a long term relationship with him. Which is not lying because this is what it all boils down to.
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If youíre going through hell, keep going - Churchill

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