I've been diagnosed with OCD since I was 22 (I'm 25 now), but with more of a Pure-O side of the disorder. Lately, I've been through some changes that were not bad, but different, and when things in my life change, my anxiety levels skyrocket. Granted I am much happier now with the changes that have been made, I feel as though I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because my anxiety had somewhat disappeared, it of course terrified me into thinking something was wrong because my anxiety was not there anymore. Usually I will get intrusive thoughts that I can deal with, but lately it's been health concerns. I honestly don't know what to do. I was diagnosed with interstitial cystitis in August and have been managing the symptoms very well. I hardly have flare ups and have accepted that this is something I will have to manage and live with for the rest of my life (or until they find a cure). On that note, I still get terrified when I have a flare up, that the pain will never go away and I will eventually end up wanting to die or go insane. This idea terrifies me because I know I will be able to control the pain but when the pain is there, it's hard to see the sunshine at the end of the tunnel. On top of the flare ups, which are occasional, I have now been terrified of getting another chronic illness that usually accompanies IC, which is vulvodynia. This has no cure yet many women have it and live with it daily. I've been reading horror stories, and success stories for the past two days and I can not shake the feeling of having ANOTHER thing wrong with me that I have to manage daily. I worry that I will be in so much pain from some illness that I will not be able to finish college, my boyfriend will leave me, my friends and family will have to stop their lives and take care of me, I won't be able to live my life the way I want, I won't be able to have a family or children, I'll let everyone down around me and won't be able to accomplish anything I've set my mind to. I would really like some advice or kind words from someone who may be going through the same thing I am. My anxiety is really getting the best of me right now and I feel that it's ruining the time I could be happy and enjoying the amazing things in my life right now. I am seeing a psychologist (just started back this week), and I'm taking buspar and klonopin when needed (lately its been needed daily). I hate taking medicine in order to calm my nerves, but that has been the only thing helping lately. Sometimes it's nice to talk to someone who understands your worries and doesn't judge you or try to make you "just stop worrying." I need a little encouragement that things will get better and that this is just an episode but nothing I can not handle.
Thanks for reading and being there. Anxiety is not fun, but a part of who I am and I must accept this.