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Author Topic: Fear of my own existence/own being.  (Read 3495 times)

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Offline Musicman400

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #15 on: September 22, 2013, 01:43:33 PM »
WOW It's the exact same thing I feel but I feel it 24/7,it's constant with me,I have it for more than a month now,I am 22 too and it's awful. Are you considering taking mediaction,antidepressant may be for anxiety?

Try 'Mindfulness meditation' x :yes:
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Offline Calamy

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #16 on: September 24, 2013, 10:27:25 AM »
Yeah, I'm getting something like this. Amazing how many people feel this fear. I feel a bit phobic about a lot of things, like stuff being around me or being touched or touching things or of the idea of eating etc. It's ever so slight and all anxiety up the wazoooo. Ultra sensitivity!

You're so not alone!!
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"Fear is such a vicious thing; it wraps me up in chains." - Tears for Fears, "The Working Hour"

Offline ArKano22

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #17 on: September 25, 2013, 01:09:51 PM »
Holy s*** ,i though i was the only one in this world that felt like that. Sefiran, the way you describe it is exactly the way i used to feel it. I do not give it much thought anymore, and it has become almost like another person´s thought, not mine.

But i remember wondering things like "why do we have two arms? why do we have eyes, why does light even exist? how does gravity work, how do i know i wont lift off the floor suddenly? why is it that i´m able to be thinking all of this? who is it thinking this stuff, is it me? what is 'me'?" Everything felt strange and alien to me, and i was surprised that no one around me seemed to notice the creepyness of everything around us, including their own existence. Like i was aware of something everyone else did not seem to be aware of. When I touched things the feeling was so....unexpected, kinda like if i was surprised to feel anything at all. I also got this weird sense of being at a very high place, some kind of constant vertigo. And how do you tell anyone about this??? They´d look at you like you are crazy. Now that you´ve defined it as "fear of existence", that´s exactly how i´d call it.

I no longer have strange thoughts. Now my anxiety manifests itself as insomnia and sudden crying bouts. Suddenly i feel like i have to cry, for absolutely no reason. But I don´t know what i did to stop that fear. It just disappeared, and other problems came to replace it :S.
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #18 on: September 25, 2013, 04:12:24 PM »
Well guys, I'm going in. I have bought a self-guide book for overcoming depersonalization and derealization using CBT. I'm curios how this will turn out.
Depersonalization is the last symptom to appear during my anxiety periods and the last one to go away.
This time around I'm gonna pay special attention to it.
Will let you know if it helps.

I agree with Musicman400. Mindfulness tends to help. But if you're really struggling with this and it interferes with your daily activities, meds are an option. Some people fear them or simply don't want to take them. Others decide to go for it and they can help them get their life back.

Take care all.
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline turbomunkey

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #19 on: September 30, 2013, 11:37:01 AM »
Several months ago I started to get really edgy with my anxiety after otherwise doing relatively well. It seemed like my mind was itching for a reason to freak out and for what ever reason I just paid it no mind.

Two months ago as of yesterday  I was on my weight lifting forum in the misc section just browsing random threads when I made the grave mistake of viewing one about death and what happens.

For what ever reason this topic was the straw that broke the camels back and I had a full on panic attack that lasted probably 10 minutes. Afterward I was in a state of mental chaos and started questioning my beliefs and everything. I would get off work and spend hours on end reading about God, life, etc. In doing so I subjected myself to more anxiety taking in all of this deep thought while in a bad state of mind. I started to questions reality as well as existence. The posts in here strongly describe how I am feeling, and I created an account just to chime in and say I am in the same boat.

Like I said it has been two months, I have had improvement and am sleeping better, but these thoughts and questions are destroying my life. I have began to feel that life is pointless and I dont care anymore. I look around me at people being happy, young couples, people doing things that I wanted to do, and I feel like I will never be able to do them because I have mentally destroyed myself and opened a pandoras box. Does anyone have updates on their status? Advice?
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #20 on: September 30, 2013, 02:58:50 PM »
Turbomonkey, I've gone through this once before. I got better. Life was beautiful and happy again ;).
These are just anxious feelings. Feelings that made some philosophers write their best work, for one.
I was ok for over 10 years but fell into some of the old thought and behavior patterns again.
I'm pretty sure we'll be right back on track soon.

Take care!
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline turbomunkey

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #21 on: September 30, 2013, 03:59:35 PM »
Turbomonkey, I've gone through this once before. I got better. Life was beautiful and happy again ;).
These are just anxious feelings. Feelings that made some philosophers write their best work, for one.
I was ok for over 10 years but fell into some of the old thought and behavior patterns again.
I'm pretty sure we'll be right back on track soon.

Take care!

I am glad to hear you achieved normalcy for a decade. That is reassuring. Like I told my mum shortly after this occurred, its like sometimes I feel almost normal and I am literally just keeping myself in this mentality and suffering, yet I can not seem to stop it.

Which book did you purchase btw? I actually got a book myself, titled "at last a life" written by a man from the UK. Unfortunately, shame on me, I have only dove in probably10 pages thus far despite having had possession of the book for a few weeks.  :/
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Offline Leo99

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2013, 02:28:27 PM »
It's a book called Overcoming depersonalization & feelings of unreality (A self-help guide using CBT). I do admit I've been putting it off recently as my depersonalization has been pretty much absent for several weeks (yay), but will bite into this apple ASAP.

Sometimes 'normal' will turn into most (if not all) times 'normal' for u too  :winking0008:. I put 'normal' in quotes as I find this word quite funny. What IS normal? And WHO sets the norms?

Take care!
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From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
(E. A. Poe)

Offline Sean

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #23 on: October 09, 2013, 03:13:52 PM »
Same here dude. Horrible, horrible feelings. Sleep and distraction works for me. Hope ye get a grip on it soon. I know exactly how ye feel..

Best of luck man. Best advice I can give ye is to research and understand what s happening to you.

YOU'RE NOT ALONE !!!!
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Offline sunshinita

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #24 on: October 09, 2013, 03:31:32 PM »
Distraction helps sometimes.I was taking 5htp and some herb and doing my normal daily routine and it did help I was still stuck with this awareness of existence but the panic attaks stopped,till 3 days ago,all over again,back to square one.Feel very very weird and scared of my own existence and life. I am not sure it's depersonalization though. I suffered from DP last year it was a different feeling-unreal feeling and detachment,nothing like that.This one is worse but it's still anxiety.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #25 on: June 01, 2014, 05:05:30 PM »
I know that this is a really old post.. But how are you guys doing with this? I've been struggling with these thoughts for a few months and they're crippling. Any coping strategies?
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline nomoretears

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2014, 07:31:53 PM »
I can relate to much of what you're dealing with. It's just a neurotic thought that's caught hold of you and fuels your fear.

It seems you get over one of these neurotic thoughts/feelings, then a new one pops up, but that's kind of what keeps the anxiety going.. you have the thoughts because you're anxious.. It's not really the thoughts scaring you, it's that you're anxious about something else in your life so the thoughts like what you're describing are getting to you.

What on a bigger scale in life is bothering you right now? Fear of life/existence can come down to a general feeling of hopelessness and confusion of the future. You may be lost on what to do with your life, you may no know what kind of career path you wanna take, you may be struggling to make ends meet, you may be heartbroken after a breakup, the root of the anxiety can be tied to many things.

Having struggled with this horrible, ***** problem for about 4 years now, I can tell you some coping strategies I've acquired.. each panic attack you're in feels it will last forever, that's just how they go.

Crying after the attack helps immensely, it releases those nasty stress hormones, tears rid your body of those toxins, in fact, it's kind of necessary to cry after an attack if you can.

Distract yourself with a hobby, just do something, even if you don't feel like it.

Get some antidepressant to help control some anxiety symptoms, it will make a difference.

I'm still struggling with this myself, but there are good days and bad days, you just have to work through it.
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Offline Tyktak

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #27 on: June 01, 2014, 07:59:33 PM »
Thank you for this thread! I thought I was the only one with this issue. It happened to me about 5 years ago. I was scared of existing and couldn't think about anything else. Then I got help and went on antidepressants. That helped, but I think what got me out of it was challenging these thoughts. Last month, these thoughts came back. It was so disappointing because I thought I was done with it. But, I am going through a transition period in my life, so I think that may have triggered it.  But it feels so much better to know that I am not alone in this. I'm glad I found this website.
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Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #28 on: June 01, 2014, 10:27:39 PM »
Thank you for this thread! I thought I was the only one with this issue. It happened to me about 5 years ago. I was scared of existing and couldn't think about anything else. Then I got help and went on antidepressants. That helped, but I think what got me out of it was challenging these thoughts. Last month, these thoughts came back. It was so disappointing because I thought I was done with it. But, I am going through a transition period in my life, so I think that may have triggered it.  But it feels so much better to know that I am not alone in this. I'm glad I found this website.


Same here. I have always had anxiety.. And I would seem to have different episodes. When I was 5-6 years old, I was peteified of throwing up... And would roll around on the floor in a hysterical blind panic unless my parents ASSURED me that I wouldn't. When I was 10-12 I had a constant dread of life itself, much like this thread. But the thoughts weren't there, just the dread feeling. Fast foreword another 3 years, and here I am with the same dread feeling, but with crippling thoughts to go along with it. It's really disheartening to know that you thought you controlled the anxiety... But it just comes back. The BRIGHT side is, I know that I will come out of this phase, but unfortunately I may move onto the next one in a few years. The anxiety hasn't affected my schoolwork... And I guess I have quite a few friends. Never gotten into any fights or major conflict. I guess it makes me a stronger person in the end.

P.S: The thing I HATE, is that at night, I feel fine, and the thoughts don't bother me. However, no matter how fine I feel at night, no matter how okay I am with the questions, and no matter how much I tell myself that "I will feel okay tomorrow. I just need to be strong!" I still end up waking up the next morning with level 10 anxiety, and the thoughts scare the hell out of me all day long until nighttime when I'm finally at peace with them... Only to begin the cycle again the next day. Maybe I need to be stronger.
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

Offline 59Ballons

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Re: Fear of my own existence/own being.
« Reply #29 on: June 03, 2014, 03:30:52 PM »
Further evidence to back up the fact that it is most likely out thoughts:

Today in school I went through the whole day and I didn't obsess over life's meaning, why we are here, etc. not at all. And that's fantastic considering that for a week straight I was at rock bottom, afraid of life itself, depressed, obsessing over this, etc. as soon as I got home however the thoughts came back and I spent a few minutes obsessing... But preoccupying myself is the 100% cure. I just hope I can do this on my own because summer vacation is coming in three weeks and there will be nothing to distract me.
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Distraction is life's best remedy.

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