Is it time to dump him?

[AchromaticRainbow]

I've been dating a guy for about four months now.  I really like him - he makes me laugh and feel all gooey inside.  There's just one big problem: he's financially irresponsible.

At 26, he's living with his parents and has no plans to move out because he "doesn't have the money for it."  He spends half of his paycheck paying off his car, which is CONSIDERABLY above his means, and the other half on movies, dates that are too extravagant (but that he insists on doing), and small goodies for me.  He doesn't pay for groceries, utilities, or college.  He doesn't have a retirement plan.  He has no savings at all.  He does, though, have credit card debt.  Even with all of that, though, he says that for retirement he wants to buy a condo and travel constantly, but he doesn't seem to realize what that all costs.

He had a plan to move out in what I thought was a year, but it turns out that the plan was that he was going to move out for six months to a year using his tax refund.  He told me this, and also said that his family had warned him against it, and I'm pretty sure that they now think that I gave the thumbs up on such a terrible idea.

He keeps on saying that he WANTS to grow up because he wants to give me everything that I deserve, but he thinks that this includes chocolates and dinner out.  But he still digs his feet into the ground when finances are mentioned, which they are often because he and I talk about the future.  He gets embarrassed and says that he'll try to start saving, but the next day he's still trying to "spoil" me.

Finances are important to me.  I don't need a guy who can buy me diamonds, but I need a guy who can stand on his own two feet.

Is it time to dump him and find an adult, or should I give it one more go and tell him that this could be a breaking point for me?

[Bamboo31]

A 26-year-old man (?) who doesn't pay for his own way in the world, and seems fine living like that, would not be my idea of a compatible mate or maybe even a compatible friend.  I think the way a person views finances says a lot about their character. 

[PinkIcePrincess]

Hello,
 My son is 28 he has been out on his own since he was 20 did the college got a job took some more training and has owned his own home for a few years now and also has a retirement plan,savings,car paid off no credit card bills,no other loans .
 He pays cash for his things and has a beautiful girlfriend ..He is not ready to marry nor have kids he has plans .
  You have to ask yourself are you enabling him? By accepting his gifts and tolerating his behavior only tells him it is ok.. I would have to wonder why his Parents are letting this continue because I am a Mom and I would never let that happen.
  I think anyone can change and anyone can decide to stay the same..depends on the person ,My brother in law has 3 kids and his MOM still supports him!  He is a single father yes but he wont work ..lazy and no plans only to win the Lottery! lol..
  It is hard to let go of someone you are in love with but you really need to lay it all out and say we are done if you continue this way..if he doesn't then You must mean that much to him.
  Maybe he things those gifts will keep you from forcing him to do something about his life.

Take care hope he comes out of this funk he is in!! Life goes by fast.
PinkIcePrincess

[serendipity861]

I don't think finances are reason enough to dump someone who makes you happy, but then that's just my opinion. There are a fair few people in this day and age that live at home at that age, although should be paying for board and groceries. To me it's just a good thing that he is at least working, since there are so many that would rather not. But I guess you have to decide what's important to you and what you want. I guess you just wanna make sure that if you ever live together he would be sharing the expenses, and not wasting his money n then expecting you to pay the bills.

[Bettie]

I can't really put it better than Pinkiceprincess' post! Letting him know that financial responsibility is likely to be a deal breaker for you further down the line.

You've only been with him for 4 months (still in the 'honeymoon' phase:)....his spending habits may really start to grate as things progress.   

Good luck! x

[Goldenowl]

Is it time to dump him and find an adult, or should I give it one more go and tell him that this could be a breaking point for me?

As someone who is 25 and still lives at home with her parents i feel like i cant leave because of the thought of being a failure in life and end up having to come back to my parents house. I have a job, my own car, i pay my parents rent, also pay other random bills while im there when they need the help. Maybe you need to find out why he wont leave. Usually there are limitations to why someone doesnt leave home. If his parents arent pushing him to leave he wont leave. Tell him you want him to stop "spoiling" you and start to really save for a future. I would stop taking the things he purchased it could take a few tries but he will stop that if its an all the time thing. Occasionally on holidays its nice but not all the time. If he does truly like you and wants a future it will take sometime someone who is that irresponsible can take some time to leave. If your willing to wait then do it. If you think his finances are such a huge issue you cant look past that then you might need to leave the relationship way your options. Make your feelings known and see how it goes from there.