I need some advice and insight on how I should approach my declining mental situation, as if it were ever up but it has been better than this, ok im having what I believe are intrusive thoughts that arose from me being part of my brothers wedding were he and his family said terrible things to me very hurtful personal things, but the things is people like my mother father and grandmother say this didn't happen I think it did but im not sure, but at this point I want to be able to control these thoughts be cause I think about them all day long they are worse at night and in the morning, these thoughts cause me anger, severe agitation, and thoughts of retaliating on my brother with violence or maybe insulting him and his wife on sight.it gets so bad I might thrash in my chair and punch my fist in anger saying to myself im going beat the crap out of him.im driving my mother away with these intrusive thoughts of being humiliated in front of my family. I need help!
ok what I have done about the problem so far I have tried several different medicines like Risperdal,effexor, citalopram, prozac, paxil, zoloft, cymbalta,abilify all that's left for me to try are seroquel wellbutrin and Lexapro I will not ever take serequel. ok here is the other point of the story I switched psychiatrist like 6 months ago and she gave me abilfy which was a hellish 3 day ride, and cymbalata and Zoloft after tinkering with Risperdal dosages, zoloft worked great for two weeks I believe I was in a hypomanic state when I took it then it just stopped working, Cymbalta I don't know what it does but make me sleep all day and all night. she gave me klonopin that helps because its a narcotic of course, but who wants to develop a benzo dependency.
ok the thing I need help with my current doctor is a very nice lady, but a few months ago she was on vacation and I was going through hell because she gave me abilfy and went on Christmas break, and I fell hard just terrible anxiety OCD thoughts body pain heart palpitations, i was on it 2 days and the emergency doctor told me to discontinue. So while she was gone I seen a nice younger new psychiatrist at my clinic she read my file and she was kind of like why were you on Risperdal for so long I bet cymbalata does nothing for you why were you diagnosed with ptsd I thought the exact same things she did. she said I suffer from sever OCD thoughts aka intrusive thoughts that lead to anxiety, and she said she would go about giving me clomparmine which I have read about and while some people hate it, a lot of people say they got their life back on it.so I asked my old doctor about she said she would never give me clomipramine???? wtf and she said if Zoloft doesn't work she would want to try abilfy again which gave me hellish side affects she just said at a lower dose. i seen 3 psychiatrist in the last 6-7yrs while on certain medications I would have a good month or a good few weeks but always a relapse. i never felt 100 percent not even 90 just functioning on a low level not down in the dumps but resting by the dumpster. So I don't know what to do one doc says this would never ever work one doc said this probably would work there offices are down the hall from each other very nice ladys but who do I go with???why such drastic difference in opinions with the two they work at the same hospital.
I have been miserable for 10yrs when will it end I was diagnosed with delusions, OCD, gad, social anxiety and ptsd sigh and tried just about every ssri in the book why cant I get any relief were do I turn
thanks for reading