How do I explain my dis-interest in "seeing" someone at the moment

[krizzonez]

Recently this girl down the hall from me in the student dorms has invited me over a handful of times, both with other people and alone aswell.

A few weeks ago, kind of in the middle of her starting to invite me over alone, we were at a party together and were dancing and we made out a bit. After dancing she was holding my hand and holding me like I was her boyfriend - which kind of bothered me.

Right now, I just dont want to be bothered with seeing a girl. Part of it has to do with the pressure of having sex and all that jazz, which I am not that comfortable with (story in it's own), plus the fact that I like relaxing with my roommates after class and playing xbox, training MMA, doing what I want. I don't want a girl to deal with that I am obligated to hang out with a few times a week and text and keep happy, etc..

I've been over to her room a few times now, and we cuddled and made out one of the times and it was nice.. but I knew I was kind of leading her on. Lately I hung out with her again for a bit, but didn't show any interest in touching her or kissing her - and I could tell she was kind of confused and upset. This was thursday afternoon, and I havent talked or texted her since then. My gut tells me to just tell her I don't want this kind of relationship with anyone right now and I just wanna worry about me, but my anxiety ridden mind keeps telling me that this will upset her and cause her to feel bad about herself, and blame herself.

My biggest problem is how I am going to deal with this. I don't know how to word my dis-interest in an intimate relationship without making her feel bad about herself and most likely make things very awkward between us - seeing as we live on the same floor 

I kind of got sucked in and have just been going along with her requests and suggestions all along, which I regret but I don't really think it could have been avoided.. I tend to go along with whatever people want a lot.

Any suggestions or opinions will help, regardless if you agree with my position or if you think I should take a different approach/mindset. She is a really nice girl and I don't want to hurt her, by leading her on or even just telling her i don't want this.

Thanks

[Noahs Mom]

Unfortunately, she's already emotionally invested.. she's going to get hurt.  I know you don't want to look like the butt head, but you're going to have to before she gets any more invested into this non-relationship.  Good call on ending the physical stuff with her.  You're going to have to tell her why - tell her that you shouldn't have led her on - that you find her very attractive and a great person... but you can't be in a relationship right now.  You HAVE to tell her how awesome she is - otherwise she will pick apart her entire self and list all the qualities about herself that she will wish were different and blame herself.  Compliment her in every honest way you can.  And tell her the truth.  You like her, but you'd be a crappy boyfriend right now.  She deserves someone that is willing to make time for her and someone who is looking for a relationship.... Tell her when you are ready for a relationship, you want to be able to give it the attention and work that it deserves, not just try to squeeze it in your schedule.

The worst thing you can do to a girl is be vague... she will almost always relate that to being something wrong with her physical appearance.  Don't be vague, don't be depressing, try to keep it upbeat.
"I hope when I'm ready to be in a relationship I can find someone like you.  You're so great to be around and so much fun."  Then go from there. 

[krizzonez]

Unfortunately, she's already emotionally invested.. she's going to get hurt.  I know you don't want to look like the butt head, but you're going to have to before she gets any more invested into this non-relationship.  Good call on ending the physical stuff with her.  You're going to have to tell her why - tell her that you shouldn't have led her on - that you find her very attractive and a great person... but you can't be in a relationship right now.  You HAVE to tell her how awesome she is - otherwise she will pick apart her entire self and list all the qualities about herself that she will wish were different and blame herself.  Compliment her in every honest way you can.  And tell her the truth.  You like her, but you'd be a crappy boyfriend right now.  She deserves someone that is willing to make time for her and someone who is looking for a relationship.... Tell her when you are ready for a relationship, you want to be able to give it the attention and work that it deserves, not just try to squeeze it in your schedule.

The worst thing you can do to a girl is be vague... she will almost always relate that to being something wrong with her physical appearance.  Don't be vague, don't be depressing, try to keep it upbeat.
"I hope when I'm ready to be in a relationship I can find someone like you.  You're so great to be around and so much fun."  Then go from there.

You are so right, thanks so much for the reply. This is the main reason why it's so hard, because I know that this is all going to be so sudden and kind of confusing.. and I truly feel like an idiot for it but that's just the way I am, I can't help but to do this sometimes due to my overall anxiety issues. I'll take your advice into action, I know this isn't going to be a smooth process though.

God i hate myself sometimes

[Noahs Mom]

We all take turns at being the bad guy in relationships.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  You did the right thing in the end - and that's what matters.

How did it go?:

[krizzonez]

We all take turns at being the bad guy in relationships.  Don't beat yourself up over it.  You did the right thing in the end - and that's what matters.

How did it go?:

:) Thanks for the reply. It went alright I suppose, it's kinda awkward I just texted her explaining everything and was encouraging and complimenting. She'll get over it, i'm basically over it now.. it feels good - and you're right, it was the right things to do in the end.