BACK TO ALS?! YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME

[colls22]

It's been about half a year since I got off that fear wagon. Not that I haven't been worried about other things, because I have, but really, nothing compares.

I hate that I'm even posting this, but I need some rationale responses.

The only reason the fear has come back into my mind is because my last couple of treadmill runs (today and two days ago) had me feeling what I would describe as more tired/winded by the end. Of course, I remember reading some anecdote, probably on a disease website, about someone who I think may have gone on to be diagnosed with...it...who talked about first noticing getting more tired on runs, prior to other symptoms. Goes to show you how the HA brain socks away info, since it must have been months ago I read that.

Tell me I'm nuts. Tell me things don't start this way. Tell me I don't even remember the anecdote clearly, and that it was just that, an anecdote, not full information.

And yes, I've done the usual battery of self tests for strength tonight.

[bertybotts]

Let's just say if you had ALS you would be busy dying of ALS. and not JOGGING ON A TREADMILL.

[sixpack]

self testing will keep the fear up.


you don't have ALS.  the sooner you walk away from that rubbish line of thinking, the better off you will be.

what are you doing to treat your anxiety disorder?  what is working? what isn't?  what are you willing to do to get yourself in a better frame of mind?

[hypotypo]

Colls22 .... you bad girl!     You're kidding me with this right? I"m all over this like white on rice... I mean, how many times have you talked me down from this frenzy?  if you get all crazy, then i'm going to get all looney and then sixpack is going bring a six-pack can of whoopa** out on us both.  Let's just take a step back here and take a breath ...

You know the answer to this girlfriend ...

I mean, you are running on the treadmill, right?  Well, your two hundred steps in front of my lazy butt!  I'm super proud of you for working out!  that's awesome.  It's a great stress reliever!  i was previously walking two miles every day and i loved it.  Then winter came and i sold my treadmill because we have no money (adding to my stress and anxiety).  I know, as a woman, it is SOOO easy to look down on yourself because society always makes us think that we are not good enough, like you shouldn't be tired or that you should be like super woman and do it all.  I don't know if that's how you feel by any means, i have no idea what your lifestyle is like.  I know in my lifestyle i have two kids and they keep me busy with sport events either practice or games almost every night of the week.  Even though i'm not playing the sports, i still have to make sure they have everything and get to their places on time and oh, don't forget your jersey, don't forget your water bottle, don't forget to do this and that and this and that.  It really adds up!  Then, you have your self to take care of as well.  That in itself is a whole different realm of anxiety/stress ... do i look ok, do i look tired, did i get everything that my child needed, do i look sick, can people tell that my legs are twitching like a freaking can of magic beans, can people see my face shaking, do people know that i'm scared to death that i'm sick with some God awful disease?   

One thing that i've been trying to do is ... and this sounds absoultely rude and very unChristian like but, i have tried to focus less on my faults and focus on others.  This in no way is meant to be judgeful or snobbish, but, i always worry about slurring my words, so i started paying WAY TOO MUCH attention to the way other people talk.  Guess what, we are a bunch of sloppy speakers!  people mix their words up all of the time.  I started really paying attention to how much my husband twitches when i sit close to him... he probably twitches WAY more than i do, yet it doesnt bother him.  I started watching how people walk ... everybody drags their feet when they walk or lose their balance when they turn around fast.  THat can only mean one thing....I'm HUMAN!  GASP.....no way! 

When you get done on the treadmill and you say that you're winded, could it just be that you're actually tired?  Could it just be that day to day stressors and life in general, can just be making you tired?  again, i have no idea what your lifestyle is and i'm absoultely not trying to down play it because i know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL!  I've been holding on to this for the last 1 1/2 years.  I see that you have feared this disease before but unlike you, i have just stuck with this dsease only...i havent veered from it unforunately.  It's ok and the fact that you are admitting that the fear has returned says to me that you are willing to accept help and advice!   I by no means no the answers but i just want you to know that it can only get better and i know you know that, sometimes we just need a reminder, and that's ok!

you said ...."Tell me I'm nuts."                 i'm not going to tell you you're nuts because i really don't think you are....everybody slips up, but you know what?  You just got to get back on that "treadmill" and      just keep moving forward.

you said ... "Tell me things don't start this way."     I think you already know the answer to this sweets!  You know it starts with muscle weakness ... like getting hit with a Mack truck....it's ok!

you said ..."Tell me I don't even remember the anecdote clearly, and that it was just that, an anecdote, not full information.      I am telling you that there are pieces that you misread...parts that you must have left out because we as humans tend to focus on the negative and that goes with reading as well, you read a passage and you pick out the negative things and skip over hte positive words... i do it all of the time! 

No, go eat some chocolate and get your nails done or something relaxing ... but don't you dare try and open that nail polish bottle to see if you can do it as a self test!  I'm watching you!        

[JER2911]

Colls!!   I'm sure you know what I think :)
I think you should focus on being a healthy newlywed bride!
I think I know exactly which story you read...I read them ALL. The guy was in another country when he fist went to the Dr. I think...anyways WAY more to that story than just some tiredness after working out!
I'm not going into what is and is not ALS...cause you know that already :)
Your not nuts...your brain just likes to take you on crazy HA roller coaster rides.
Time to get off the ride girl!

[colls22]

I knew some of you would be all over this. I appreciate the sane words.

Hypo and Jer, you both obviously I ow how inanely brutal this particular fear is...as the thoughts crept into my head, I could actually feel my stomach start to fall. I think I was literally shaking my head, and saying to myself no, no, no, not this again!

[hypotypo]

so how are you feeling today?

[colls22]

Fine so far. Plan to go down to the gym later, so I'll keep you posted :)

[sassparella]

You don't have ALS it's incredibly rare. I know how hard it is to convince yourself otherwise though with the HA monster snapping at our heels. I hope the gym trip goes well and you continue to feel better today.

[CarManXCIV]

Im having the same fear aswell

but for MS, I cant stop thinking about it.

Its making me angry

[smsinbklyn]

Yeah, I ping-pong back and forth from MS to ALS to Parkinson's.  My most recent is shaking hands post-weight lifting and worried that means SOMETHING IS WRONG.  But if something were wrong how in the world would I be able to life any weights?

I'm so sorry this is cycling back to you now.  Some days it's just so much harder to work out than others but that doesn't mean something is wrong!