So, after thinking I could do this on my own and failing, I ended up going to a free mental health clinic. Being that I always grew up with insurance and having private doctors, I had not so good feelings about free health clinics being I live in Los Angeles. I was wrong. This place was so helpful. The staff was amazing, supportive, and real nice, and the patients weren't what I expected. I actually started up a conversation with another lady there with her mom because she too suffers from anxiety and depression. I started a conversation!!! The wait was long, but worth it. We woke up at 5 a.m. to be there when they opened at 6:30, we were second in line and ended up getting out at 11:30. Hubby wasn't too happy because he works later on today, but it was free, so I asked him to please not complain. It's sad because it's his birthday today and he had to take me, but I'll make it up to him.
So, I feel a little more at ease. I was a bit upset that they couldn't prescribe me any benzos, they help for a quick fix, but didn't because of their habit forming. So I was put on 20mg Celexa, 10mg for the first week, and 25mg Hydroxine for a month to "get the edge off" while the Celexa kicks in, 3 - 4 times a day. I was also referred to a low-cost therapist, but that'll take about a month or more for my appointment.
In the meanwhile, I'm going to start attending church again. It's been far too long since I've gone, and I'm sure my mom and dad, rest their souls, are not happy with that. I'm also going to seek help from a priest. At this point, I'll see and do anything within my reach for relief from this mental disorder.
I'm hopeful this is the beginning to relief and recovery.