While waiting for the lexapro, another blow

[2sungo]

So I have had some better days of late and some not so great, nerves still rough in the am especially and then yesterday morning my mom died unexpectedly.  My dad calls yesterday with the news that my mom fell and the paramedics were there and I am off to see him and my mom, but she passed in the hospital not long after I got there, and was not responsive while I was there.  I managed relatively well yesterday, all things considered, maybe it was the need to focus outside of myself that helped me get thru it. Today I needed a quarter of a klonopin in addition to my usual .5 at night to calm my nerves this morning after driving down to my dads home this morning.  It seems to have helped. 
Waiting for recovery is difficult enough for me, as I am sure anyone else here can relate to, but to lose my mom, whom I spoke to just about every night and visited often, is hard, and I am afraid of how it will hit me when the unreality/shock feeling passes. Grieving is hard enough when I have been "normal" but this is new territory for me, I've not suffered a loss during the three times in my life I have dealt with out of control panic/anxiety/depression. 
At some point this must get better.

[kmwondering]

I'm so so sorry for your loss

[insights]

My condolences on your loss. Losing a loved one at anytime is hard, but especially so when you're in the early stages of recovery. Keeping busy can help, but please resist overdoing it. And use the medication you've been prescribed to help you through this. A little bit extra Klonopin is okay for a week or two.

Best wishes

Ian

[2sungo]

Thank you both, today is the service, and later on it is probable, I think, that we will take in my father, who really depended on my mom for stuff, he doesnt drive anymore and can barely walk.  How all that works out is for later.  Thank God my other siblings are dealing with most of the paperwork stuff though I have helped at times.  I still get night sweats for a short time when I wake up in the night, odd I do not seem to have vivid dreams from the lex this time.  I may indeed need a bit more Klonopin for this, I also find getting up rough, it feels like I don't want to leave the bed or even open my eyes at times.  Evenings continue to generally be better. 

[bluerose]

I'm as so sorry you lost your mother.  I've heard it's harder when the loss in unexpected and sudden.  I had to take a higher dose of klonopin in 2006 when my partner died after a long illness.  I just couldn't get any sleep with out the higher dose.  Then after a few weeks when things settled down I was able to go back to my regular dose of klonopin.  Two months after my partner died my dad died after a short illness and I had to up the klonopin for a few weeks again.  I can relate to what you're going through.  I think the main thing is to be kind to yourself. I found pacing myself is helpful also, if possible I try not to take on more than I can handle.

[it is well]

breathe.

come back here for support.

dig deep.

sorry for your loss.

[2sungo]

Thanks, the service was yesterday and I got thru it okay.  Everyone tells me that it really hits later, but I am trying to come to terms with it.  Sometimes when I get the morning jitters a little extra klonopin does seem to help, I'll see my pdoc later today. 

[2sungo]

Doc decided to increase the lexapro, he first suggested 20mg but I wanted to do 15 instead.  He says that the circumstances make recovery a bit harder and that though it is still possible the 10 would work, the 15 would likely work faster.  Hope so.