Really need some help. Beyond depressed with life. :[

[soccerash21]

Hi all,
This is probably going to get long.. so sorry in advance!

Here it goes..

In August of 2011, my boyfriend and I (now my fiance) moved away from everything we have ever known from Chicago to Southern California. He graduated from college in May of 2011, and was able to find a job with an Animation studio a few months after. I am 26, and was a little late on getting on board with college. But I finally started going to a community college back in Chicago and was doing really well. When I found out that we were moving, I also found out that I could finish my degree online with my school (which I have done & can say I have finally earned my Associates!) Anyways, when we were moving we were super stoked. Neither of us had been to California, and we were both excited to start our lives together. The only problem was that we had no family and no friends out here. Everyone we knew and loved lived in or close to Chicago. But we figured we'd get over it. Things were good for a while, but then it just seems like it all went downhill. First, I can't transfer 85% of my credits to a California school because they are "out of state credits". So basically, if I want to go to school out here, I have to start all over and kiss my credits from home that I worked so hard for goodbye and just sit on the $13,000 I have in loans because of them. Next, my fiances company is a joke. He still isn't doing what he wants and is not particularly happy with that. &the whole reason we moved here was for his work, so that's aggravating. Next, we are getting married this October back home, and haven't really been able to plan much of it because we are just relying on our parents to get most of it figured out (decorations mainly). Which I thought would be good- no stress for us. But boy was I wrong. It's my only wedding and I feel like I'm not even a part of it. And we can't afford to fly home, so that's out. Next, the cost of living is INSANE. People say "you make more, so it evens out." Wrong. We are barely surviving out here and can pretty much jiust scrape by with bills each month. I got a job as a nanny which I've done many times before, but am getting screwed so much. They cut my pay by $600 a month because they "couldn't afford it." But then still have gardeners, house cleaners, and go out shopping like crazy. They treat me like complete .... and it's beyond aggravating. I go to work everyday and literally hate my job. They are underpaying me by about $8 an hour, but I really can't do anything about it. It took me almost 6 months to find this job because they are so hard to find out here, so it's not like I can quit and go elsewhere. I'm still looking, but am getting unhopeful at this point. But they are taking advantage of me and I can't do a thing about it. And last, I miss my family dearly. My grandfather is starting to get ill, and I really just want to move back home and be done with all of this. We are stuck on a lease until September, but my fiance said he will look for jobs back home. The reason we had to move out here is because 99% of his industry is out in California. But if we moved back home... I'd be able to finish school, I'd be a much happier person. But I feel awful pulling him away from the place where his work is just for my happiness and school. I just feel like we tried it, and it's not working out here. Life is too short, and I feel like I am completely wasting my life living in a place that I hate, working for people who treat me like garbage, and missing valuable time I could be spending with my family. Not to mention, finishing my degree is something that has always been important to me, and my fiance knows that. I'm sorry for this whole rant. I'm just really overwhelmed with sadness and just want to go home.

[LindaRK]

I think your fiance has the right idea - in that he told you he will look for a job back home.

I live in California.  I was born and raised here.  I'll be 56 this year, so I have a few years under my belt here.   

California is an anomoly in so many ways ..... even having lived here my whole life, I've travelled alot and I can say that it's a hard place to live in alot of ways.  I grew up in Southern California, in an area of wealth.  I couldn't wait to get away from it.  Everything was keeping up with the Jones'.  Shortly after marrying, we moved to Northern California and it's like a whole new world, except for when we go into the city (we live in a rural area now).  Alot of Californians definitely have an attitude and not in a good sense, so I can understand your frustration with your job.  I look around and see alot of the "me me me me me" thing going on, if you know what I mean.  Heck, I'd want to get away from that, too.  And yes, it's expensive to live here .... I'm fortunate that we are successfully self-employed, but not many people have that going for them.  Even in our county, decent jobs are hard to come by and businesses have shut down left and right.

As to your hubby's job - I think it's great that he was able to find something so quickly after graduation.  My youngest graduated  2.5 years ago with a degree in Media Arts (specializing in videography and film) with an impressive resume and he hasn't found a thing anywhere.  He's now changing his field to something completely different.  Perhaps your hubby needs to do the same if you choose to move back home.

As to your school, that's pretty frustrating.  Yes, life is short (favorite phrase of mine) for you to give up finishing your degree.  You're young - you've got so much to live for - now is the time in your life that you can make changes and take chances without alot of regret and loss ... I say go for it.  It couldn't get much worse, could it?

[tinam7]

Do I have answers? No, not really. But I also made a long distance move many years ago and really needed to be locked up thereafter. Suffered terribly. It affected me for the rest of my life. I did it because we had 2 children and I did not want them to have a long distance father.

You have no children, so you are much freer. I can't see what is holding either of you in CA. Discuss it with your fiance and see if you can both be happy returning to family and a familiar environment.

[soccerash21]

Hi guys,

Thank you both so much for your responses! You both definitely made me feel better and helped put things into perspective. I'm just praying that my fiance can find a job back in Chicago once out lease is up in September so we can go back home. We are from a suburb of Chicago that is one of the wealthiest places in the entire US to live- so I've been around those type of people who think they're better then you based on money for my entire life. But it's just so much different in California. Obviously it isn't everybody, but so far I've just had unfortunately bad experiences with most of the people out here, and the people that I work for don't make it any easier on me. I just came on here because I can only cry to my fiance so many times about this situation beore I start to drive him insane. So again, thank you so much for listening to my rant and for your words of kindness!:)

[laura124]

You say 99% of your finances work is in California but he did get his degree in Chicago.  You said he got a job in an animation studio...would the college he graduated from help him find connections in Chicago?  I'm from a suburb of Chicago too and I know many of my daughter's friends have attended Columbia College for bachelors and masters degrees in the arts and the school helped with connecting them with employment.

If you come back home, you'll have the support of your family which would help so much.  I think that may be the big part of being miserable for you.  It's hard to pick up, leave your home, your family, your friends, and start a new life across the country!

Best of luck to you!

P.S. I grew up in Hinsdale which is also a wealthier suburb of Chicago but I've heard Southern Californians are very different!!