I always have the negative unwanted thoughts about strangers or people I don't really know (acquaintance).
However, I continuously keep feeling guilty and I hate those thoughts, I just wish I never had those thoughts. Or if I have I can just ignore them.
Sometimes I also feel I enjoy those thoughts because those thoughts make me feel in control, however I feel guilty as well afterwards.
Such thoughts like:
Scenario 1: I saw someone on the street not dressing properly, as in he/she just wear something not very nice
Thought: She is very lazy to pick a nice clothes for her to wear, don't she know she look awful in that! I wish I can shout those thoughts to her (but I dont want to be mean)
Scenario 2: Saw a very intimate couple on the street
Thought: Meh... They are going to pass the honeymoon period soon and they will breakup afterwards *apathetic attitude*
Scenario 3: saw a bunch of teenagers happily share their moments and trying to be loud
Thought: Those bunch of teenagers just loooveee to attract attention! *sarcastic voice*
Scenario 4: I saw someone get compliment from others but she/he turns down the compliment
Thought: Don't be so hypocrite, I know deep down you like the fact that they are adoring you *sarcastic voice again*
I am a girl, 23 years old and is actually a nice person! I am a delicate type of person who hurts quite easily that is why I don't like these thoughts inside my mind (I imagine people thinking the same thing about me >.<). This happens wayyyy too much until it really affects my personal well being, my relationship with friends, and even my work! And now I think is my deepest down point in my life.
And some more, this has more consequences in me. Lately, I am socially withdrawn because I have these thoughts. I am so anxious that I will think the same way about the people that I love (For example: in Scenario 3, I think about my lovely brother that way. Like Ouch
I feel if I think that way about him, I am hurting him... because I am a very delicate person as well, I am imagining people shouting those thoughts to me).
Because of this thoughts, I am afraid of socializing and constantly feel worried that people think like that about me, and I am afraid that I will treat them not very good because of those negative thoughts.
Another complication is that I feel I am a double faced person for having that thoughts, yet remain smiling. I just feel horrible! Then because of that I am starting to put that angry face and disgusting face to every people I met. But because I make that face, people around me also starting to put same angry and disgusting face to me and I feel even more down... HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I know I am very complicated. I hope we can share the struggles and I am happy if people with the same struggles can share with me.