OCD?

[MiniShopaholic]

Hi all,

I always have the negative unwanted thoughts about strangers or people I don't really know (acquaintance).
However, I continuously keep feeling guilty and I hate those thoughts, I just wish I never had those thoughts. Or if I have I can just ignore them.
Sometimes I also feel I enjoy those thoughts because those thoughts make me feel in control, however I feel guilty as well afterwards.
Such thoughts like:

Scenario 1: I saw someone on the street not dressing properly, as in he/she just wear something not very nice
Thought: She is very lazy to pick a nice clothes for her to wear, don't she know she look awful in that! I wish I can shout those thoughts to her (but I dont want to be mean)

Scenario 2: Saw a very intimate couple on the street
Thought: Meh... They are going to pass the honeymoon period soon and they will breakup afterwards *apathetic attitude*

Scenario 3: saw a bunch of teenagers happily share their moments and trying to be loud
Thought: Those bunch of teenagers just loooveee to attract attention! *sarcastic voice*

Scenario 4: I saw someone get compliment from others but she/he turns down the compliment
Thought: Don't be so hypocrite, I know deep down you like the fact that they are adoring you *sarcastic voice again*


I am a girl, 23 years old and is actually a nice person! I am a delicate type of person who hurts quite easily that is why I don't like these thoughts inside my mind (I imagine people thinking the same thing about me >.<). This happens wayyyy too much until it really affects my personal well being, my relationship with friends, and even my work! And now I think is my deepest down point in my life.

And some more, this has more consequences in me. Lately, I am socially withdrawn because I have these thoughts. I am so anxious that I will think the same way about the people that I love (For example: in Scenario 3, I think about my lovely brother that way. Like Ouch  I feel if I think that way about him, I am hurting him... because I am a very delicate person as well, I am imagining people shouting those thoughts to me).

Because of this thoughts, I am afraid of socializing and constantly feel worried that people think like that about me, and I am afraid that I will treat them not very good because of those negative thoughts.

Another complication is that I feel I am a double faced person for having that thoughts, yet remain smiling. I just feel horrible! Then because of that I am starting to put that angry face and disgusting face to every people I met. But because I make that face, people around me also starting to put same angry and disgusting face to me and I feel even more down... HELP!!!!!!!!!!! I know I am very complicated. I hope we can share the struggles and I am happy if people with the same struggles can share with me.

[MiniShopaholic]

Hi... I really hope someone would give me some advise 

[Arthur_800]

I know how you feel. When interacting with people, I often worry myself thinking about being disrespectful and making people sad, and sometimes I have unwanted thoughts when I see someone or a group of people: for example, I saw a group of people laughing, I begin to think they have evil intentions on some issue, etc. My advice is to relax and ignore this thoughts and let them flow away from your mind( saying is much easier than doing, however.)

[MiniShopaholic]

Thanks a lot for ur reply. Arthur :D
It feels good to talk to someone I can relate.

yeah, the thoughts keep going round and round. One time, I try to ignore it, I try to shoo it away. But, the next hour, the same thought can appear again, and I have to shoo it away again. It is really annoying and energy consuming >=|
Sometimes, I just hate myself....... ............ ...........

Well, try to relax and ignore is the best way, however, sometimes if we keep on noticing we had such thoughts and it is unwanted, the harder it is to ignore (it is like trying to suppress what need to be expressed).

By the way, what is your struggle? Maybe I can help you suggest something :)

[Arthur_800]

I'm happy to know that I have been able to comfort someone, and I'm glad that you are concerned with my situation ! Well, my OCD haunts me in a wide array of situations in my routine :

-intrusive thoughts and obsesssions about contamination; the thing that makes me suffer the most in this context in this context are thoughts about contaminating relatives and friends and transmitting serious illnesses to them(AIDS, agressive bacterial infections,Herpes,etc), along with the idea of getting an incurable disease and not being possible to be with people I like in the future...

-Ocd with computers: for example, when I am installing some kind of software on my pc, I may get obsessed with the idea that I clicked on a wrong button, and by doing this I would corruput the software; I may have intrusive thoughts about deleting important data without noticing, and other situations.....

Sex-related ocd: (before you read this, I want to make clear that I get no pleasure with this type of thoughts, with them being very distressing and making me feel dirty and unsensitive to others' feelings) when I see a woman, a classmate of mine,etc that are rare occasions in which my mind is invaded by images of them being raped, and its disturbing to me because I also have casual sexual thoughts( as I'm 15, they occur a lot too, I wont lie) and then I get afraid about being a sick person, a psycho that doesnt care about peoples' feelings wants them to get hurt.

Social Relations Ocd: the one I had mentioned in my post and that is similar to your situatuion, I think. Well, intrusive thoughts appear in various social situations:

- when i am talking to someone, I get worried about expressing an opinion in such a way that makes the other person feel offended;

- when I see some groups of girls laughing(please dont  think that i dont like girls or that I'm machist, I am nothing like that) and they happen to look back at me, I feel they scorn me and perceive me as an awkward guy( I suppose this feeling could relate to my somewhat nerdy personality). However, I have a lot of girl friends who I like trust very much.

To cope with these thoughts, I have been combining my desire to have lucid dreams with a need to relax and let the obsessions go away; about a technique Wake Induced Lucid Dream(WILD), after laying on the bed, you must not move, and you should try to relax as much as you can, so your body can enter the dream state while retaining full consciousness. Its useful for me because it serves as a powerful method of meditating, if done properly ;).

Sorry if I have committed gramatical mistakes that might have made reading more difficult, English is my second language.

[MiniShopaholic]

Hi Arthur!

Thanks for your explanation. Currently, OCD still haunts me though! It is just go round and round.

By the way, u are still very young! 15 years old. I don't mean in a negative way but you still got rooms to grow up :) That's a good news. I am 23. I remember when I was your age, I got emotional easily and can over think of something to much.. Maybe, that also happen to you. Usually, as you experience more things and grow up, the anxiety over yourself with gradually decrease. (well, in my case, I got some unfinished business in the past, I think, that is why I can't move on).

You can try talking with someone you are comfortable too. I know this may be very hard especially if you are introverted and embarrassed easily, but you can start with a counselor, a school counselor for example. Don't keep a problem to yourself. But, since you are a guy, that might be different from a girl. Depending on your needs, I encourage you to share with someone. because I did not share, my problems piled up and got worse.

Beside my OCD, I am sometimes also an attention seeker, meaning I want the attention of people and their acknowledgement. Possibly because I did not get as much attention when I am younger. I am so insecure at times, and can think that people looking down on me for no reason. I am actually very tired of all this. It is like, my brain knows the right think, but my guts like to go to a wrong place. T.T

Okay, I'm glad we can share our problems. Thanks for your story and support! I hope my advise helps!