Health Anxiety and fear of death

[sassparella]

My recent bout of HA (I had another bout in my 20s but got over that) started a few months after my father died. I think the grief combined the reminder of my own mortality is what started off this bout. Since then I've looked at my age - 48 and realised that I'm almost certainly well over half way through my life now as I suffer high BP which is treated by meds and high cholesterol and am overweight - though trying to put the latter one right. This has sent my HA into overdrive as I'm petrified of dying and the fact that it's inevitable and getting closer with no escape is fuelling my anxiety greatly so every symptom I get I feel is fatal. I feel that this fear of dying complicates my HA and makes it much harder to deal with as even if I talk rationally to myself about symptoms at the back of my mind I know that the day I die is forever getting closer.

Does anyone else have this fear fuelling their health anxiety and how do you deal with it?

[nole23]

Hi Sassparella,

I think this is a fear that most people have at some point in their lives. We all have a moment of realisation about our ultimate mortality, and it is scary! Some ways of thinking about it that help me:
1. The Buddhists believe that you only truly start to live when you realise that one day you will die. Although it's a terrifying thought, it might help to visit the old cliche - make the most of living, treat each day as your last. This is how many people deal with fear of death, by making the most of life.
2. Elderly people, particularly those in hospital or care, are generally less afraid of death than the general population. By the time you are 80 + it probably won't worry you much, you may even feel relieved! So not much point worrying about it now, right?
3. I think the fear stems from fear of the unknown. It may be helpful to engage in some activities completely outside your comfort zone and show yourself that you are just fine.
4. Many people find relief in spirituality or religion. It may help to speak to your priest/rabbi/minister/spiritual leader, if you are into that kinda thing. Religious and spiritual views on death are not scary.

Hope that helps a bit. To be perfectly honest I too am terrified! But some of the above pointers have helped me live with it.

[sassparella]

Thank you for your reply.
I'm not religious at all, I wish I was and that I didn't believe that death was the end and we just cease to be when we die. I don't want to stop and am terrified of just ceasing to exist. I know if I could overcome this fear it would help my health anxiety immensely but i just don't see how i can overcome it.

[nole23]

I hear ya, it really is the basis of my health anxiety as well. I am not afraid of suffering at all, it's death I fear. I just keep telling myself that when my time comes I wont be scared, so why be scared now...

[Hohum]

nole23, you make some good points. I completely agree that fear of death is prevalent both inside and outside the HA-suffering community. My wife would likely never visit a Doctor or worry about her health unless she was collapsed in a heap on the floor, but she is terrified to even discuss anything related to death.

There will come a day when none of us are here any more - we hope that the day is when we're very old and have lived a full and satisfying life, but you never know. When I had this realisation it really made me sit up and take notice of where my life was going. I made some huge changes (not least of which was emigrating to another country!) and am much happier for it. Understanding that I am not getting any younger and will not be here forever has definitely eliminated a lot of procrastination from my life!!

I do not consider myself a religious person. That said, I don't subscribe to the scientific belief that once your brain "shuts off" that's the end of existence, either. Religion and Science are both inventions of the human race, so I like to believe that the truth lies somewhere in-between. I have this discussion with friends sometimes and they usually argue that "Science is fact". I prefer to believe that science is theory yet to be disproved - I mean, go back a few hundred years and you would have been put to death for stating that the World was round instead of flat!! Humans always like to think that we've gone as far as we can go, or that we understand it all, but then the next generation proves us wrong.

I would consider myself to be spiritual, in the sense that I don't subscribe to any particular religious beliefs but I do feel that there's something out there which is greater than ourselves. I accept my own mortality, because I cannot change it. To be afraid of it, is to be afraid of living, which rather defeats the point of being alive at all! So, I try to live well and more positively. That's how I deal with it!

[gcalex]

The only way to deal with it is to make peace with it and better yet to embrace it.  That obviously is an individual approach, be it religious, spiritual, philosophical, practical, whatever.

[sassparella]

The only way to deal with it is to make peace with it and better yet to embrace it.  That obviously is an individual approach, be it religious, spiritual, philosophical, practical, whatever.

Easier said than done   Death terrifies me to the point I think about it all the time, I can't stop worrying about it and every symptom I get is fatal in my mind. I don't know how to make peace with it or to accept it even. It just feels so real and so imminent.

[gcalex]

Have you sought counseling for this?  Spiritual guidance?  Any type of help?  Why fight against the nature of things?  Why not make the best of it? 

[sassparella]

I've mentioned it to my psychologist but she can't really help. I'm just so convinced that I'm going to cease to exist and that terrifies me so much. And yes I do fight against it rather than accepting it even though I know that it's inevitable. it's that inevitability that gets to me I guess. I know we all have to face this and it is a selfish fear on my part not wanting to cease to be but I have found no way to face it.

[gcalex]

Well I am guessing there is some trauma underlying this but obviously that's something you would have to work out for yourself or with someone.  Have you talked about it with friends or relatives? 

[Twinhere]

I'm the same way... I feel like if we had some damn proof of heaven or something no1 would really have anxiety..

And I don't mean the Bible or what people think they saw years ago.. I want a angel or Jesus to come down and have a chat with us and keep us from worrying.

[sassparella]

Well I am guessing there is some trauma underlying this but obviously that's something you would have to work out for yourself or with someone.  Have you talked about it with friends or relatives?

Yes I've talked about it with relatives but it hasn't really helped. My husband thinks the same as me that you just cease to exist but it doesn't bother him, My brother and mother are both religious but they can't really convince me - I wish they could. But at the end of the day this fear is what's ruining my life but both my psychiatrist and psychologist seem to think it's unimportant in the scheme of things and that I should just learn to control my health anxiety.

[dancer67]

I am following this thread very closely because I am 45. Also with controlled high blood pressure. Trigs are elevated(197), and my FBG was elevated at 107. So, I think I am going to end up on an insulin pump and statins. And with all of those combined mean Metabolic Syndrome(yep google. UGH) which makes you triple the risk of heart disease. Especially after you hit Menopause. Scares me to death. I am also afraid of dying as I am stuggling with religion and God. Will be reading this thread closely as I can totally relate to what you are saying.

[tinam7]

Well, folks, I am much older than all of you and therefore very much attuned to the end. And, at peace with it. What worries me terribly is the getting there if the brain goes, mobility goes, bodily functions go, pain kicks up, etc. I'm working on it. Maybe this can be something I could leave behind to soothe others. I want quality of life right down the wire.

Believe the fear of death is also a fear of life. Start living our life and the Reaper will find no welcome from us. Then we are just too busy enjoying the life we have. Just my thoughts.

[sassparella]

Thank you all for your replies.

I know that a fear of dying means that you're not really living which is why I'd like to come to terms with it. I just don't know how. It's a phobia and affects everything I do. I just hope that somehow I manage to find a way to deal with it.

[tinam7]

How can we try and help you? So I've thought about it some more. How do most people cope with it throughout life? The practical answer, I think, is we are too busy, we are distracted with one thing or another.

At the end, where I am, it is tougher to be distracted. Life has been lived. And still I distract myself: post here (smile), find creative things to do, try to help myself, extend myself to people around me. How can we find distractions for you? Find acceptance and peace for you? Maybe if we all work at it together we can come up with some ideas that can work for you and perhaps others. And next time this subject comes up (it always resurfaces) we can refer them to this thread.

[marc]

Many people fear getting ill and dying, so you are not alone. My GI physician once told me that many
people who come to see him think they have a giant tumor inside of them growing that will kill them.
I too think about dying sometimes. A client of mine who is 70 and a is a cardiologist and nephrologist has
told me there are two keys to longevity; heredity and luck.

[kazoo]

Sometimes I think of it another way:  I didn't exist before 1963.  And throughout all those centuries where I didn't exist, it didn't bother me one bit.  I think the fear of ceasing to exist after death is based partly on the idea that somehow you would 'know' and be upset by the fact that you didn't exist.... which is impossible.

Sometimes I think of it as being similar to going to sleep, or losing consciousness in that way... which doesn't sound too scary.

Some people who have been clinically dead but revived have lost their fear of death.  They've more or less been through the process and didn't find it to be that bad, apparently.

[vanilla1969]

Sasparella I feel the exact same way and I'm 43, what you said is exactly what I feel. I fear death and know it's inevitable and it just scares me, with every birthday I feel like I'm being pushed closer to death.

[sassparella]

Sometimes I think of it another way:  I didn't exist before 1963.  And throughout all those centuries where I didn't exist, it didn't bother me one bit.  I think the fear of ceasing to exist after death is based partly on the idea that somehow you would 'know' and be upset by the fact that you didn't exist.... which is impossible.

I've tried to think this way too. However, though I realise I wouldn't be around to worry about it afterwards, it's that moment of death, the moment your life slips away from you that scares me. I've dreamt about it before and though I realise it was only a dream it felt terrible. I actually felt myself die in the dream and have had the dream many times. This has only added to my fear. It's all consuming and I have no idea how to deal with it.

[kazoo]

OK, but at the moment of death, I don't think most people are in a rational place or 'in their right mind', but rather perhaps unconscious or close to it.  You are looking at it as you imagine it would be if you and your mind are as healthy as they are now, which is unlikely.

My mother's greatest fear was being in a nursing home after a stroke.  Ironically, that is exactly what happened.  However, because of the brain damage of the stroke, she doesn't seem to mind being there.  My rational, healthy mother would 'not have been able to deal with this', but my post-stroke mother doesn't seem 'with it' enough to really care.  Maybe that's a bad example.  But the fact remains we don't know how it will be because we don't know how WE will be at the time of death.  That's kind of why I find the fact that people who have been clinically dead, survived, and no longer fear death comforting. That's the closest anyone can come to this experience and still be alive, and a fair number of them seem to be the better for it, in terms of the lessening of this fear.

[Hohum]

Philosophers have been debating the meaning of life and the secrets of death for thousands of years. My own opinion is that the truth lies inside each of us - there is no right or wrong answer. It's purely your own belief and perspectives.

As a well spent day brings a happy sleep, so a life well spent brings a happy death. Leonardo Da Vinci

Just about everybody fears death or dying, to a degree. So the better question is - why do YOU fear death? Is it fear of the unknown? Things in life left undone? Leaving behind loved ones? Fear of the process of dying? Understanding that I was one day going to die, and coming to terms with what that really meant, was actually a positive process for me. It was a catalyst for a lot of big life changes which I may not have made otherwise.

Kazoo, I really like the point you made about being unconcerned about the time which passed before our birth, and yet we're so terrified about the time after we're gone. Our brains are simply not wired to accept that one day we might simply cease to be. I am not a religious person, but I do have spiritual beliefs and view death as more of a transition to something else - something which we simply can't understand in this form.

I don't believe that you'll get past your fear of death until you truly understand what it is you're afraid of, and confront that fear. Challenge it with whatever means you wish - faith, knowledge, better understanding. Try to truly accept the fact that one day you will die. We all will. It's absolutely inescapable, and is a part of the cycle of living. I honestly try to live every day as completely as I can - even if the day is no more than the run-of-the-mill work and chores, I embrace all that I have and am thankful for. I can look back on my life without regret and I try to keep on that path every day.

And one final quote (because I like quotes!)

I'm not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens. Woody Allen

[sassparella]

Why do I fear death? Fear of the unknown as no one really knows what happens, though I truly believe that you just cease to be. Fear of the process of dying of that moment that your mind switches off, knowing that this is it and you're not going to exist in a few seconds. Fear of how it's going to feel to die. Fear of the thought that I won't be here any more and that I as a person have ceased to be (this last one is a selfish fear). These are some of the reasons I fear death. I wish I could believe that death isn't the end, that would make it a lot easier to accept death, I just can't cope with the thought of ceasing to be.

[sweetnspunky]

I have been going through my own anxiety about this for weeks. I am doing better with it now. I tried finding out answers from both faith and science about God and the afterlife. I have found there things to comfort me not saying its fact it just helps me to think about. First, we are made of matter, matter cannot be made or destroyed. It can change or transform. I believe that we have always existed and will never cease to exist in one form of another. That means death is a transformation not an end. My evidence is science but my view on it. Also comforting is near death stories. I don't believe all to be true but there is a scientist who had a near death experience and now believes in an afterlife. And what about hauntings and ghost. They can't be proven but I believe its just souls that passed to another dimension. I believe life is different dimensions and when we pass we go to another. Maybe these ideas sound strange or I have watched too much Doctor Who but this helps ease my mind. :)

[tinam7]

The quotes are lovely, thank you. Inspires me to post one from Tolstoy: They asked a wise man about eternal life: "What will happen to us when this world comes to an end?" He answered, "I do not need the world, and I am not afraid of its end, because I know that my soul is eternal." In fact, Ivan Ilych, in his short story The Death of Ivan Ilych, knows he releases others and frees himself from his suffering with death. "How good and how simple," he thinks.

I am no believer but the ideas of release from suffering on earth and a unified eternal soul are pleasant. Sometimes I also like to think I'm returning as my favorite year round bush, Emerald 'n Gold. That's comforting too.