Sentenced myself to cancer from radiation...now what???

[Harmony]

I'm so incredibly depressed right now.  I finally caved and am going in for a CT scan on my sinuses.  I've already had a CT scan on my lungs 15 years ago, about 5 xrays in the past year and who knows how many xrays I had as a child, dental and what not...
I have done TONS of research on the effects of radiation and have learned a lot about it in the field of work I am in.  After this scan, my risks for developing a fatal cancer from radiation will be approximately 3/1000.  Terrible odds!
I know that the effects of radiation on ones health doesn't happen right away and usually takes between 10-30 years for a cancer to develop from this.  so for the rest of my life I will be consumed by the high probability that I will get cancer from this!
I have put the scan of for months now and all the doctors say I should get it done to know what's going on.  I also know that doctors can jump to a scan too quickly and not weigh out the consequences. 

cancer is my number one fear and I think about it constantly.  I'm absolutely terrified right now, but what am I supposed to do?  I still have all of my symptoms even after finishing a round of antibiotics, but what if I'm creating the symptoms from my anxiety, which we ALL have done?!  I'm just such a mess about this right now.

I don't know what to do.  I'm doomed if I do and doomed if I don't (because I'll be constantly worried about the unknown either way I go...)

Does anyone else share my fear?  Can anyone help me through this?

[kmwondering]

3/1000 is a 99.7 chance that you will not. How is that terrible odds?

[vardnas]

I agree with km, how are those bad odds? Or was that a typo?

Do you know how many people get CT scans every damn day? If everyone who got a CT scan also got cancer 30 years later, you can bet they'd stop giving CT scans.

Chances are, your stress is probably contributing to the bad feelings you're having. Even if you do have sinus problems, they're being exacerbated by the stress, for sure. And as for the doctor's insisting on tests, they're basing that decision on what they're finding with your sinuses, but they're also making that decision based on how you describe your own situation. So if you keep running to them with the same problem or you make it sound very dire, they'll be quicker to jump to testing than if your approach was different.

Harmony, your problem isn't testing and radiation, it's by and large ANXIETY. There are many, radiation-free methods of treatment. What types are you seeking out?

[Harmony]

Thank you, kmwondering and vardnas for your replies. 

I guess looking at it with a 99.7% chance is a lot better view.  It just sounds so risky to me.  I have read so many things on the dangers of the high doses of radiation from CT's.  Having already had a chest CT before, which is one of the higher-dose ones, it just really freaks me right out to add any more!
I also know that CT's have not been around for a very long time and it takes anywhere from 10-30 years for radiation exposure to wreak havoc on the body, so we are at that point now.  Why so many cancer cases everywhere these days???

Vardnas, do you mean treatments for my anxiety or sinus issues?  For my anxiety, I am working with a psychiatrist and we are still discussing med's.  I'm not crazy about being dependent on chemicals.  I have been taking Passionflower on and off and that helps a little.

For my sinus trouble, I have tried everything suggested by the doctors and it has had zero effect on my symptoms.  I'm terrified because I actually knew someone who died of sinus cancer and he was a doctor and so was his wife! 
when I went to the ENT, he did a nasal endoscopy and said he didn't really see anything much going on in there.  Then he gave me the choice of a CT or antibiotics.  I chose the antibiotics, but after them not working I went to my family doc and she asked me if I would consider the CT this time.  I caved.
Do you think that the ENT would have said if he suspected cancer or anything like that?  Not just give me the choice between med's or the scan?  Would he have seen something in the scope to signal a cancer possibility?  I also had a sinus xray done in the summer and the doctor said that would "usually show a sign of a tumor of there was one".
Do I truly NEED to get this scan done?  Should I cancel it, yet again??

I'm so stressed

[floridaguy65]

when I went to the ENT, he did a nasal endoscopy and said he didn't really see anything much going on in there.  Then he gave me the choice of a CT or antibiotics.  I chose the antibiotics, but after them not working I went to my family doc and she asked me if I would consider the CT this time.  I caved.
Do you think that the ENT would have said if he suspected cancer or anything like that? Not just give me the choice between med's or the scan?

Most certainly he wouldn't have offered up antibiotics if he had any suspicion of there being somthing sinister involved. And, he offered up the CT scan for your peace of mind, likely, anyway. HA peeps get little (to none - more often) LASTING relief from med testing. The 'good feeling' of them not finding anything bad is fleeting, at best.

 Would he have seen something in the scope to signal a cancer possibility?

I would have to think so, most likely. But, this is a question you could ask your Doc.

 I also had a sinus xray done in the summer and the doctor said that would "usually show a sign of a tumor of there was one".
Do I truly NEED to get this scan done?  Should I cancel it, yet again??

Well, you've had some pretty darn good med testing, so far, and nothing has showed up that puts you in peril. This is good:) But, because you have HA you aren't grasping these positive things. And, you are still seeking out further reassurances that your sinus issues are something serious. Sinus issues can suck, for sure....and they can create lots of yucky feelings...but this certainly doesn't mean that what you're feeling would lead anyone to believe that your future is in jeopardy. And, then there is the issue of your fear of radiation. Though, this is a fear that is being spurred on by your anxiety issues, it is still something that should be factored in to your, eventual, decision whether or not to have the CT scan. So, to me, having been around HA / AD peeps for 27 years now (I'm one too:), I would tend to believe that you do not need this CT scan. I can't even guess the percentage of medical testing that is unneccesary (medically speaking), but is still done for us HA peeps...whether it be on our continued persistance and insistance (and we know the right 'buzz words' to use to Docs, as well, to push med testing), or it is because a Doc believes we will move past our unwarranted fears (medically speaking, again) and gain some peace of mind. But again, HA peeps do NOT get that lasting reassurance from med testing when we are struggling with our anxiety issues.

Just my two cents:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

[Hohum]

I think the only way you're moving on from this by accepting that it's not within your power to change anything and trying to simply face the fear down.

You're terrified about a 0.3% chance that in 10-30 years, cancer may develop because of these scans. Are you also concerned of the x% chance that you'll get into a bad car crash whenever you drive, or get hit while crossing the street? Life is not without risk!

Medicine is not an exact science, so after the most plausible reasons have been exhausted for your symptoms, Doctors will simply keep throwing ideas at the wall until something sticks and they figure it out. It sounds like you've had a lot of tests and specialist appointments already which came back fine. Will you be able to move on after the CT scan as-and-when it comes back all clear? Will you then just replace the fear of sinus cancer, with your fear of radiation from these scans? After that - what will the next thing be? We've all been down this road, and scans/tests/reassurance isn't the permanent solution.

I think the real issue here should be discussed with your therapist. Cognitive behaviour therapy is often touted as the most desirable way to go by many hear. Personally I am not a fan of medicated mental health as I feel it avoids the problem rather than addresses it, but many others are in favour. I think the best way to go is to combat these anxieties by finding what works for you.

[sixpack]

meds are but ONE tool.  a psychiatrist doesn't really do therapy anymore.  they are the prescribers by and large.  You need, imo, to talk with a ph.d or MS---therapist, counselor.  these are the peeps that do the therapy.  so if you are thinking you can swallow a pill be it from a pharmacy or a health food store and be all fixed up, you are going to be quite disappointed.

your code word "research" simply means you googled yourself into giant fear scenarios....


you know my dad was dx'd with a CT scan and my sister was dx'd with a ct scan.  these were their FIRST scans... so how is it they got tumors?  it was not from endless rounds of radiation.  My eldest, at four months old, had her first CTscan. That's been 25yrs ago.

and you do know that most folks who GET cancer are treated with RADIATION.


in order to get to feeling better you are going to have to reduce your stress and anxiety.  You are going to have to loooook passed medications and herbs to get the job done.  So that will entail therapy, self-help material --some of which we have posted as stickies in the hypo section and meds and therapy sections---meditation, positfive affirmations, hobbies, exercise, healthy diet....  basically you are going to have to change your thinking habits LONG term.  You are going to have to commit LONG term to working on your anxiety disorder.  You are going to have to give up the reactive habits---ie "researching", reassurance seeking, self-checking etc etc--in order to find lasting solace. 

[oregoncoastlady]

My dad got cancer before he ever got a CT scan. The CT scan found it. Radiation cured it. Cancer happens. It sucks, but people DO survive. Get the scan.

[laura124]

I would talk to your doctor about your concerns with the CT scan and weigh the risks vs benefits.  Here's the thing, you have health anxiety so I guarantee this will not be your last CT scan unless you get help for the HA.  My mother has had many CT scans, more than anyone should have in a lifetime.  She has a stomach condition that causes infections and abscesses of the colon.  She finally had surgery but I can tell you the last time she visited the ER with a fever and abdominal pain, they looked up her records and told her she could NOT have CT scan to rule out an abscess. She had too many already.  She's now 77 years old and very healthy. Again, it is highly probable that this won't stop at this CT scan of your sinuses if you don't get help with the HA! I have never had a CT scan and I feel like this type of x-ray is used for serious medical emergencies or when a serious illness is highly suspected.  I don't know how serious your symptoms are but I would ditch the scan and get a good psychologist/therapist.

[sweetblubrry]

I've had this fear before. What helped me was realizing the facts of reality that you have a 50% (1/2) as a male and 33% (2/3) as a female or getting cancer regardless of any scans, X-rays, etc. it's the fact of life! That is a lot higher than 3/1000. It took me awhile with this... But it does help. At least you are not going to get it from the scans.

[gcalex]

Those are just aggregate statistics, it doesn't mean you have to be a passive player in your own health.  Lots of things are thought to mitigate cancer risk -- eating fruits and vegetables, drinking green tea, reducing stress, on and on and on.

[Lynnmain]

harmony,

      I am living with the same fear as you and it is the worst anxiety I have ever had! My scan was a head scan.  Please take my advise and dont google any further! I have googled non stop and my anxiety makes me focus on the small risks. I am in therapy because of this . I am scared I ruined my life and will live in fear forever. I am aware that this is anxiety and before this i worried about something else and before that it was something else...its just a new obsession.  The reason this is so scary is because i have to live with "not knowing" my future even though i  dint know it before.  Its diff than my past fears and hard to overcome but we have to try or we will waste our life focusing on the "what ifs". I hope you feel better knowing your not alone .. try and distract yourself as much as possible thats what helps me.

[Harmony]

Wow, thank you ALL for your replies!  It really means a lot to just know other's are listening and sympathizing.

Well, I got the confirmation date for my scan and it's THIS Saturday!!!!   I am still very much struggling with going or not. 
Is it reasonable to reschedule it until later in March, after I see the ENT again?  That way I can discuss it with him and decide whether it's necessary or not?...
I found this site www.xrayrisk.com and you can input all of your scans and xrays and it will calcuate your risks.  If it's accurat, my risk WITHOUT getting the scan is 1/1583 of developing a cancer from radiation, and WITH the scan my odds are 1/1124.  That's a HUGE difference, so this is something to seriously consider.  These numbers are supposed to be in addition to the natural odds of developing cancer.

I am working with a psychologist on CBT.  It was only my second session this morning, but I'm hopeful! 
I know the HA will NOT stop at this scan, and yes, as Hohum pointed out, I will most definitely replace the Sinus cancer fear with my radiation fear.  I do know that. 
I have a lot to think about the next couple of days before I need to cancel, reschedule or go through with the scan   

[Hohum]

I found this site www.xrayrisk.com and you can input all of your scans and xrays and it will calcuate your risks.  If it's accurat, my risk WITHOUT getting the scan is 1/1583 of developing a cancer from radiation, and WITH the scan my odds are 1/1124.  That's a HUGE difference, so this is something to seriously consider.  These numbers are supposed to be in addition to the natural odds of developing cancer.

Sorry, but this right here is the absolute last thing you need to start reading.

I checked out the link you provided. Firstly, it appears to be operated by one Doctor ... any quack with an MD and a computer can make some website claiming something or other. He has other websites too where you can work out your "risks" for other things too. What a champ!

Secondly - where does this person even come about this information? Are we seriously supposed to believe that he has collated information from every scan which every human on the planet ever had, how many got cancer, taken into account underlying risk and the thousands of other factors in play?

I would put absolutely no faith in this app, or whatever it is. If both you and your Doctor truly believe that something is going on with your sinuses which can be diagnosed and treated with this scan, then go for it. If it's purely a knee-jerk anxiety reflex, then don't. In this case, it might bring some closure for this issue, but there's always a next issue.

[Woofie]

I also want to point out that there are things you can do that will lower your risk of cancer. Drink lots of green tea. I'm not saying you need to drink 4 cups of it every day like I do but tea has antioxidants that can reduce your risk of developing cancer. You can also take vitamin C often (which you should do anyway). I think if cancer is your biggest fear, you should do some research on antioxidants and start finding ways to get them into your diet. I think that will help ease your mind.

[Harmony]

Thanks, Woofie.  I'm very embarrassed to admit this, but I'm a Holistic Nutritionist, so I really know very, very well the things I can do to reduce my risk of cancer.  My fear is that knowing the risks to an average individual and knowing that we should all be doing things to counter the effects of oxidants on our bodies, adding ANY more risk from radiation scares the crap out of me!
Because cancer is my biggest fear, in my HA mind, I have a VERY small chance of escaping it.  I don't want to seal the deal with more radiation.

It doesn't make sense, I know.  But I'm stuck in this place right now.

[Lynnmain]

  I just want to tell you that I regret getting a cat scan every day... it will be about two months now and it really scares me because I  googled the dangers of radiation. I also found the site that you mentioned and although my risk barley went up from my one scan my anxiety is very high just knowing radiation can cause cancer. Reading other responses to your posts helps because it makes me realize I am just bugging out because this is my focus right now and before that my focus was bleeding of the brain after getting hit in the head... I dont want to talk you out of getting the scan if you think you need it Im just telling you my story. Also if it helps my dad had to have two sinus scans to find out that he needed some type of minor surgery to clear up his problems. ( im not exactly sure what he got done) but it was needed. Basically, if you really need the scan then it's something you got to do with no regrets but if its just your anxiety then you may want to think about it.  Good luck

[Harmony]

Thanks, Lynnmain.  You're right.  I think I need to wait to see the ENT in March and then find out if I absolutely NEED the scan.

I already had a lung scan done 12 years ago, and I had no choice in that one because they thought I had a blood clot in my lung.  Not that I had HA back then anyway, so it really didn't phase me. 
But with having that scan and then multiple chest xrays done in my life, I now know my risks are greater now for lung and breast cancer!

I don't want to add to my radiation load with this scan if it's not needed.

Thanks for your reply.  It helps to hear from other people dealing with this same fear. 

[floridaguy65]

I am working with a psychologist on CBT.  It was only my second session this morning, but I'm hopeful! 

This is what you need to focus upon. This and your self-help work. Peeps come here looking for advice, sometimes, in addition to some reassurances that other peeps have been down this road before. Here's my advice - blunt and all: From what you have said in your posts there is little reason for you to get a CT scan. If the Doc felt it was imperative, you would have already had it. The main reason this is even being considerd is because you're currently struggling with amped up anxiety / health anxiety (you want it for reassurances - the Doc thinks it'll give you some peace of mind). Justifications are anxiety driven and powerful as we feel we are in peril and we are about to leave behind our loving families and we are scared we are going to miss out on sooooo much when our life is cut short by tragedy. As has been throughout the entire history of HA, it is best to wait things out. This isn't my opinion - this is what has shown to be the staggering, overwhelming outcome of med testing by HA peeps.

Bottom line. We have to feel the fear but NOT continue with counterproductive habits and actions. An unnecessary med test is EXTREMELY counterproductive to us finding some firmer footing on a lasting healing path. Do not discount how much a single med test gets ingrained into our HA minds and this action (of seeking out MORE med intervention) cements fear cycles and prolongs a person staying in a period of high doubt....and we can tend to doubt many things. HA tends to bleed over into other facets of our lives (and the doubt follows) and then some serious lifefow interruptions are generally not too far behind. You are scared you're gonna be "The ONE"....where med testing finds a sinister reason justifying you diligently trying to 'protect' yourself. I was 'The ONE' many years ago....or at least I thought I was. Most peeps here have believed they were "The ONE"....turns out they weren't either. There's a pattern here...one to learn from. Good thing our history of self-diagnosis is incerdibly, tremendously horrific or there would be no peeps from whom to seek reassurances here in The AZ...we would pretty much all be gone (taken too soon).

Again, we really begin to learn how to live alongside our anxiety issues when we feel the fear BUT we do NOT fall back in the same old repeat patterns of seeking out medical intervention or self-diagnosing (googling stuff). Of course it is hard - we feel we are taking a GINORMOUS risk. It is a leap of faith....I understand fully. Ask yourself where seeking reassurances that all is gonna be OK in your life has led you to today? There will NEVER be a better definer of your overall well-being than yourself. Anxiety makes us feel other wise...that we can't even trust ourselves. Baloney. But, I know how anxiety and fear make us feel this way....so this is where that leap of faith come into play. Ultimately, we are scared but we still cannot continue to embrace the powerful counterproductive habits and actions. We cannot. No way around it, if we are to find some natural progressions on our lifetime healing path:) It is doable. It is worth every bit of exasperation and angst and tear. Crying is ok, too, once in awhile....I did (still can tear up when a have a rush of positivity and joy embracing where I am now in my healing path and remembering from where I began in my journey:). Try not to ask, 'why me?' In not doing so, this will afford you a better opportunity for acceptance. And acceptance is, to me, the most critical tenet that we need to embrace in our trials. Acceptance is NEVER resignation, of course:)

What are you beginning to learn about self-help?

Peace and Feel Well:)

[Lynnmain]

anytime Harmony :)

[Harmony]

Ok friends, I need advice...yet again.  You all have been so great with me and helping me to logically work through this decision.

I ended up deciding to postpone the scan until March (although I haven't called to do it yet) and that way I can talk to the ENT more about it first. 
On Sunday, I started coming down with a cold and like always, it's now stuck in my sinuses   It's progressively getting worse each day though instead of getting better:  nose completely blocked - can only relieve it with decongestant spray, nothing else works, constantly watery eyes, and I woke up this morning not being able to hear!  My ears are still really plugged, feels like I'm under water. 

Before this cold my symptoms were similar but much milder.  Constant congestion that feels like up in the ethmoid or sphenoid sinus area, mild nose bleeds, watery eyes, severe sinus pain and pressure, upper teeth pain (confirmed by dentist that it is not tooth related), and ear pressure.  My ears were popping every time I swallowed or yawned.  But now nothing happens - they just stay plugged!

So....here's my dilemma.  Part of me knows this is probably just a cold, but the HA part of me is wondering if this is my fear and it's spreading!  Or do I have "IT", and that's why this cold is so severe?!  What if my ears stay like this forever?  This is driving me insane!
I'm prone to sinus infections and colds, but it has NEVER affected my hearing!!

Do I get the scan now because of this?  Do I need to just relax and wait for the cold to run it's course?  Do I run to the doctor?

You all probably think I'm crazy, but I feel much safer asking these questions here than to my own family, who I already know think I'm nuts!

Thanks for reading! 

[Lynnmain]

I wouldn't run to the doctors yet, but keep your app this way it's there if you decide to go. Like I said I worry about my catscan everyday but mine wasn't really needed so that's what upsets me the most. If you are still having sinus issues you might benifit from it ( like my dad did) but I still think you should wait and see how you feel and try to let the cold pass. I know you said you were worried bc you have had a scan before and I did read that it's when scanning the same organ twice is when it's a concern. In your case you would be doing a diff scan so you have things to think about in making your decision. ( and i would ask the doc about that bc i read that online , so make sure its true) My advise is dont panic and go get a medical test done but if you truly need it than you need it.

[Harmony]

Thanks, Lynnmain!  Yes, I read that as well about the cumulative effect of multiple scans on the same area, and my doctor confirmed that as did the ENT.  However, I do still worry about organs in the same general area being exposed.  I have also had a sinus x-ray and many, many dental x-rays. 

I just re-booked my scan for March!  I feel a little better giving myself some more time, but I'm still going to panic over my sinus cancer fear for another month.  Then, I'm sure the ENT will still encourage me to get it done when I go back to see him. 
I know I'm not out of the woods yet with this nightmare.  Ugh...

[Lynnmain]

Well you have a month to think about it and hopefully your symptoms will pass by then and you won't even need it.