Lost

[jethbones]

I called my hospital today due to my GP asking me to do so in hope of potentially moving my psychiatry appointment forward a few days, unfortunately they informed me that I couldn't be seen until March even though my next appointment was scheduled for the end of January.

Last night I felt as if I could have smashed my head in with a hammer.

I feel completely let down by my GP, as always, the system and myself.

I'm in constant battle with my own mind, bullying myself, wanting to cause harm to myself, there is no end to the deprecation and degrading nature of how I treat myself.

I don't want to eat in fear of becoming over 8 stone again and I'm not sleeping.

I'd rather feel numb than feel this, I don't even know what 'this' is anymore, it's me.

I sound so mellow dramatic, I am sorry.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

[kconnors]

Hi,

You must be really frustrated by the whole process especially now being postponed to March when you were expecting to be seen in January . . . .was any reason given? I want to let you know though that this situation is not of your doing . .. . none of us ask for anxiety; none of us enjoy it . . . .so, you have not let yourself down . . . I hope that you contacted your GP immediately and told him/her what happened and expressed quite directly the impact that this has had on you and that you are now in desperation mode . . . .sometimes our strengths develop from being our own advocates in a proactive fashion . . . . so, yes, be frustrated with the system and your GP but not with yourself . . . .you have no control over either the disease or the events . . .

Now, your psychological well being depends on your physical . . . so you have to eat and sleep . . . unless you decide to consume 15,000 calories a day of junk food, you will not be putting on weight . . . .without food, your physical brain's chemistry will get messed up and that only allows anxiety brain a wider playing field . . .and you need to be drinking non-caffeinated beverages . . . dehydration is one of the worse things for you . . .. same thing goes with sleep . . . you can do something about the food and your GP can do something about the sleep . . . .also, your GP should be able to fast track you even if it is just for transitional help . . . otherwise you will end up in the emergency ward of the hospital with physical and anxiety issues . . . and, quite frankly, if that is what you have to do, then do it . . . .

Please do not apologize . . . you are not sounding mellow dramatic . . . these are real issues with a real impact on you . . . .I am sorry that I cannot provide you with concrete solutions but please come back here and let us know what you are doing . . . in the meantime . . . contact your GP, contact your mental health unit, contact any crisis helpline you can find, and enlist your strength in advocacy on getting the help you need and you deserve and recognize that the situation is not of your making . . .take care, kc

[jethbones]

Hello,

You're right, I guess it isn't exactly my own doing. Thank you again for replying to yet another of my posts, please know that you are a wonderful and selfless person for doing so.

Yeah, I've just eaten some salad and potatoes and am about to make myself a drink of water, if I want to get better I have to help myself. I'll call my GP within the next half hour and ask if anything can be done regarding a fast track, I'm praying that they can.

Please don't apologise, a reply alone is lovely enough.

I'll keep you updated with what happens, have a lovely weekend,

Take care also

Jeth

[wanttolive]

I'm in London, so I'm assuming things work similarly here as they do for you. Is there any chance of you getting an emergency appointment with your GP, and getting him to contact the local mental health assessment team? You should explain in detail what you've written here - feeling like smashing your head in with a hammer is justifiably an emergency if you ask me. I did similar (emergency appntmt) and ended up being seen by psychiatrists (about 4 of them) within a couple of hours. If they feel there's a danger to you, they will do it. Alternatively, turn up at A&E and tell them this. It should have the same affect, altough waiting times may be longer.

You definitely need to see someone ASAP, and don't feel guilty for using the system when it should be there for you.  Makes me sick that if you'd broken your arm, you'd be seen straight away.

[jethbones]

Due to living at my nans during the week I am unable to book an emergency since I am nowhere near my local GP unfortunately, so I may have to wait until next Monday, but thank you for suggesting that idea.  :)

You'd think so yes, but I've been ill the majority of my life and have seen various specialists, unless you're at risk of possibly taking your own life they won't even blink, I'm not generalising, because they do their best and I owe them a lot, but I was with a GP last week who wasn't even familiar with GAD or BDD, therefore how can they expect us to feel comfortable disclosing personal information/thoughts with them

Okay, well come Monday I will definitely call my GP and arrange an emergency appointment.

Thank you, really. I agree with you completely.

Have a lovely weekend!

[kconnors]

Dear Jethbones . . .

Did a quick search . . . there is a confidential helpline for Wales . . . check out http://callhelpline.org.uk/Default.asp
. . . take care, KC