ugh great my heart again

[bridetobe]

Ok so about four years ago I had chest pain, dizziness, and extreme anxious thoughts. I could have sworn I was having a heart attack every single day. After enough frustration my family took me to my dr. She gave me pills for acid reflux. I had been bulimic for about 8 years which I assume could have caused this, although my family has a history of bad stomachs (and anxiety). I then went to a cardiologist. He did an ekg and and echo plus bloodwork. Everything came back fine. This went away and I focused more on the brain tumor and ms I was sure I had. Well it sounds bad but now I feel as though I miss the days of ms. At least then I wasn't terrified to leave the house because I thought I would die instantly. OK so the anxiety continued. Then the heart problems came back. I started getting daily chest pains, dizzy, night sweats, and was utterly convinced I was dying every second of every day. It has caused me so many problems both in my marriage and in school. I went to the dr once again and handed her a list of my symptoms. It included chest pain, left arm pain, eye twitching, numbness in hands or feet sometimes, tooth pain, jaw pain and clicking, dizziness, constant shortness of breath, fatigue, hot flashes. For some reason I would pour myself a glass of wine (or two) and feel 10 times better.  My dr sent me back to the cardiologist although she said that she thought it was "just anxiety". The cardiologist did another echo, another ekg and more blood work. Once again he said all perfect, but this time he did prescribe me something... a mild tranquilizer. He told me to stay off google as well. This was 8 months ago. Since then I have felt better many many times, but overall nothing has changed. I am 24 and 4 months pregnant. I am just wondering could he have missed something. Or is it possible that the 3 months of horrible (sometimes more than 3 times a day almost unable to keep down any food) morning sickness affected my heart negatively after the 8 years of bulimia. I am so afraid every single day of a heart attack. My family keeps telling me that this is just anxiety but the chest pains are constant. They move all around and go down my arm, to my back and into my jaw. The same symptoms I had when I went to the cardiologist. I am just terrified. This can't just be anxiety.

[Hohum]

Why can't it be anxiety?

Focus on what you actually know, as fact:

• You have a family history and a personal history of anxiety
• Your symptoms can all be attributed to anxiety and stress, and symptoms "disappear" after drinking alcohol which relaxes your anxieties
• You have seen a heart specialist who has performed several very good, very specific tests, and everything came back perfect
• Your personal history of bulimia and recent morning sickness may have irritated your digestive tract which can manifest as chest pains

Looking at the facts I would say you really have no reason to worry at all.

[bridetobe]

Thank you so much for your reassurance. I am just terrified that my heart is going to just fail. Every time I complain about the chest pain my mother keeps telling me that I had all the tests done. I wanted to get the nuclear stress test but my dr refused to send me. He said that only if there was something slightly off with my echo would he send me, other wise I need to understand it is anxiety.  I am just terrified.

[EverydaySunshine]

Actually, I think it can just be anxiety - and speaking as someone who has the same issues that you do - I'll bet it is anxiety.  As a guy, I've never been pregnant, but I think the morning sickness that you mentioned can knoeck your body out of whack in a way that feels awful (and frightening) but overall has no negative impact on your heart.  I'm not much of a wine drinker, but when I would feel the way that you do its usually becuase I have not had enough sleep, or food, and/or my anxiety is going nuts.  2 aspirin usually helped me.

Finally, I remind myself when I think that a doctor missed something and my "you're fine" really isnt - I remind myself of the training that my doctor goes through, the number of patients and cases he sees, and the seriousness he takes his work.  He didnt miss anything...if he says you're fine, you're fine...really

[gcalex]

"For some reason I would pour myself a glass of wine (or two) and feel 10 times better."

And what do you think that reason is?

[Calamy]

I just want to say that I love and feel for you SO MUCH because you sound exactly like me. I feel and have felt everything you're talking about. I have had over the past ten years more EKG's than I can even count, got to know everyone at the ER department pretty much where I used to live (all the docs names and some of the nurses), had at least 4 echocardiograms (one was a mild stress one when I was pregnant), 5 treadmill stress tests (regular, not nuclear), tons of bloodwork, seen a pulmonologist and had a pulmonary function test which showed I have GERD (reflux!), barium swallows, EGD (the scope down the throat which showed my throat and stomach inflamed and mild hiatial hernia), sigmoidoscopy (for my IBS), tons of chest x-rays (am I glowing yet??), Holter Monitors (at least 4 times I wanna say), a cardiac memo (to catch my harmless PVC's), and a 30 day cardiac monitor thing where you put your thumbs on it and record your pulse and call it in.

EVERYTHING has been fine save for a few instances where I had isolated inverted or flat T waves which more than one cardiologist has said is not a problem and happens sometimes to people for various reasons (lots of benign reasons for it.)

I have felt: chest pain in various areas, varying degrees, lasting from seconds to minutes to longer. I have had it every area of my chest left right, center, high, low. I have had back pain all over up down and all around. Jaw pain (I grind my teeth and clench my jaws in my sleep and have a mouth guard because I used to wake myself up from cracking the back points off my teeth!). I have jaw pain now and then because I also play with my teeth with my tongue which screws up my jaw and causes aches and pains. I have had pain in my ears, pain up my neck, in my shoulders (ESP. the LEFT shoulder which I have right now in fact!).  I've had shortness of breath, palpitations, felt choked, smothered, hyperventilating, vertigo, pain in my teeth in various places in upper and lower teeth (one time I thought it was my heart and turned out it was a nerve in my tooth dying which eventually abscessed and I had a root canal.) Pain in my left forearm and wrist and hand and fingers, elbow, you name it. It can be shooting, sharp, throbbing, dull.  Endless stomach pains, burning in my esophagus, spasms that make me feel like I'm choking and smothering. Weird sensations that come and go all on their own for no reason.

I have felt chest tightness, squishing, burning, fluttering (my PVC's), aching, gnawing, sharp, shooting, discomfort, you name it. When I hyperventilated at age 16 I felt like an elephant was sitting on me!!!!! I was 16 years old then and I'm 40 now. The anxiety has come and gone, but my OBSESSION with my heart doesn't end.

I have seen so many doctors, therapists, psychologists, tried so many therapies. I'm obsessed. Zoloft helped my mind some, took away a lot of the everyday pain I was feeling, but I gained 35 lbs on it because it made my appetite bad and I was already overweight. I am terrified of pills and side effects.

I have anemia as well and that has caused shortness of breath, extreme fatigue and weakness to the point where I could hardly get down the street walking slowly without resting and catching my breath. My heart was pounding 100 bpm constantly for months til it went away on its own. (I had my heart tests during that time but no one checked my IRON. normal starts at 15 but in early 2011 mine was 5. Last time I checked it was about 11.)

I feel so much for you because I have these things and feel them all the time. When I was pregnant I had a hard time with all my fears and I couldn't even get certain tests because some you can't have when pregnant. They did an echo was I was pregnant and EKG's and all that. There have been times when I went for an EKG I think THREE times in one week. The place was sick of me. I felt so stupid showing up all the time, always terrified.

I see my cardiologist today because I am again having fast heartbeat and fatigue and weakness and can't catch my breath, but I am now thinking it might be related to dehydration since I had the flu for a week and haven't been eating or drinking much since (in the past 13 days I have lost almost 10 lbs.) I am now sipping Gatorade.

I also have family who get tired of me, a husband who tries but sometimes yells at me and makes me feel worse about it all. It is harder when you're a mom as well because you don't want your child to see you like that and also pass on the anxiety to them.

I am seeing a new therapist now but I feel like I know more than she does, so I'm not happy.

There are a lot of other things but that's the SHORT story. I just want you to know that you ARE NOT ALONE. I want to hug you so bad and help you but I can't even help myself. But I can say this, I have been worrying and scared for so many years and I'm still here.

P.S. I have also had many neurological things like smelling stuff that wasn't there (had brain scan), sinus migraines, ocular migraines (eye specialists), other weird symptoms, tingling and numbness, and I had this weird thing happen once where out of the blue I started having a tremor and it lasted for a couple of months before it went away on its own. The tips of all my fingers were numb for a couple of months, too. This was in 2005. No one could explain ANY of it except that it was.....ANXIETY.

I think just like you do: it can't be just anxiety! But seeing as how there's no evidence of anything but pretty bad GERD (reflux) and IBS (mind gut reaction), I have to say it's probable that your pain and my pain and all of this is anxiety. It seems completely nuts, I know. But I started with anxiety at about age 14, had my first panic attack at 16 (when my dad died), and it has escalated from there. I'm 40 now.

I have not always taken my prevacid, I have not always been able to see a therapist ($100 an hour or more is tough when you need it once a week.) I have not been on an SSRI since October. I don't exercise because I'm terrified to even though the cardiologist keeps saying that's what I need to do and to IGNORE the little pains and things and walk every day for 30 mins. He says that brisk walking is the BEST cure for all my ills. But like you, I feel like if I do it, I will croak.

The fear is just beyond reason. It is vicious, vicious!

[bridetobe]

I read a post on here about statistics and it started me thinking that even though I was bulimic I do have it under control now, and occasionally yes I will slip but that is not enough to destroy my heart in a few months, I have not one single risk factor for a heart attack. I am not a committed smoker, I did occasionally have a few but could easily take them or leave them for weeks on end. I am not diabetic or overweight, I am only 24. It would seem that if I was going to have a heart attack it would be from a genetic issue WHICH would be able to be found after some testing. I would think my 2 echos, 2 ekgs and many series of blood work would be enough to show a heart problem. My husband also jokes that if everyone had heart attacks like me they would have to come up with a different name for them since I have been having one for about a year now. He says attack sounds too sudden for a chronic heart attack.  It is just so hard for me to believe that this could all be anxiety, the constant, trouble breathing, the dizzy spells, the chest pain, the arm pain, the jaw pain, but I guess it makes more sense than me being the small percent of people with no risk factor, no predisposition, and "textbook" echo to have a heart attack at 24. I am just so panicked. I am able to convince myself that I am fine using the stats but THEN that evil little thing comes back into my head asking me WHAT IF ITS REALLY A HEART ATTACK THIS TIME. I am just so afraid. So you all think that this is ok. That the testing would have without a doubt shown a problem, that I can relax and start to ignore these symptoms and that a few months of severe morning sickness could not affect my heart in a deadly way.

[bridetobe]

calamy thank you so much!! That post was like a big hug! I told my obgyn my symptoms and she wants me to go back to my cardiologist. My husband usually calls him and makes the appointments but he is trying to talk me out of going. He says that my dr has to tell me to get checked out but the cardiologist joked last time that he hopes he doesn't have to see me again, right after the cardiologist wrote me a prescription for kolonopin. My family is so  tired of hearing about my illnesses. Thank you all so much for your kind words. It has really helped reassure me.

[Hohum]

The road to HA-Hell is paved with "what if's?".

Don't forget that anxiety affects the same part of your body where symptoms are also interpreted - the brain. If you truly believe you're feeling something, then you're going to feel it. Never underestimate the power that the mind has over the body. People usually think anxiety just means "being nervous" and anything else more than that is an actual symptom of an organic illness. In truth, prolonged anxiety and stress can cause quite literally hundreds of physical symptoms. They will persist until the underlying cause (anxiety) is dealt with. In many people, the anxiety doesn't go away until the symptoms do. It's a Catch 22 situation.

It sounds like you can see the truth, but can't accept it. Constantly going back to Doctors will just result in more tests and more anxieties. Nothing will be found, because it really sounds like there IS nothing to find, however it's a Doctor's job to ensure that they exhaust every possibility for a patient who keeps coming back. Your ObGyn will refer you to your Cardiologist. They will run more tests which will come back fine, then refer you to someone else. It'll just keep going on and on, and your anxiety will get worse and worse until YOU make the stand and say "enough is enough". It's hard to do, but with the support of the people here and your family and friends, you can do it.

[Calamy]

Hi again Bride!

I just also wanted to get into that I put myself in a psychiatric unit when I was 17 years old for severe anxiety and insomnia. I was in for 2 months (had severe agoraphobia as well as depersonalization, derealization etc. "feeling like you're in a fish bowl" tunnel vision etc. -- all from anxiety.) I got a bit better, found a wonderful therapist whom I worked with for TEN YEARS (took 8 to even "get over" my father's death). I have anxiety in my family (my mom has it and also dysthymic disorder. Her mom was a "nervous person" as well, only her fears were religion based (scrupulosity))

I have been on Xanax, Klonopin, Elavil, Atarax, Ativan, (even HALDOL and cogentin when I was 17 because my doc thought I was hearing things although I never was -- I was just a perfectionist and I told him that I felt I had to do everything RIGHT all the time because something was always telling me to. Bad thing to say to a doc in a psych unit, right? hahaha Like you said about that little voice which says it's a heart attack, that's what I meant. Not an actual outer voice, but my own inner voice, that one that criticizes and scares ya with scary thoughts of WHAT IF?) Anyway been on mellaril, too. I take Xanax right now but not a lot -- just .25 twice a day. That's practically nothing as when I was at my worst at 18 years old I took .5 three times a day for over a year. I was on Xanax every day for like, 3 years back then.

I got off meds with my wonderful therapist, he got me through getting my first job, my driver's license, getting through the agoraphobia and everything. I moved away and couldn't see him anymore and regret it because he was the best.

When I was 24 I was doing fairly well but I did start having chest pains at about 21 years old. It's almost 20 years now. I hope that it won't be like that for you. You are so young and also I have been told over and over that in women, our estrogen protects our hearts so at 24, I would say it is almost impossible to have a heart problem unless it's a genetic abnormality in the structure of your heart and an echo would show that because they can see the valves and see the blood output and structure etc.

I am thinking that because you're concentrating on heart attack, you are getting those specific symptoms. I think I'm doing it as well but I do have controlled high blood pressure (from gaining weight), I'm overweight and I have controlled high cholesterol. I have age against me and some risk factors but I am trying to keep things under control. I think the worst of all of them is the anxiety. I think the anxiety causes more symptoms than anything. I think being CONVINCED of something makes your brain produce the feelings of it.

I have a very strong brain. I could get rid of toothaches by concentrating on a big ball that would "suck" pain in. As long as I concentrated on it, I felt no pain. Literally! I have also done an experiement where you think of a rose, concentrate on smelling a rose, and you actually smell a rose that isn't even there. I did it, it happened! That's how POWERFUL the brain is.

Now I can tell you this and believe it for you but not for myself. It is that voice you talk about where it is always, "What if????" I have had that little bastard on my back for so long, I absolutely understand it and how it works on you. It takes away your relief, and your peace. I think you and I need to get a double barrel shotgun and blast that suck off our backs. I wish I knew how to do it but right now my brain is so trained for pain.

You're going to also feel lots of stuff when you're pregnant and in the 3rd trimester you will probably get very bad reflux which will cause chest pain and burning, pressure etc. I just want you to know as someone who has GERD and has been through a pregnancy. That's pretty normal when it comes to things because the baby is really displacing your organs. You have to take pepcid (they gave me famotidene I believe it was -- pepcid)...it helps a LITTLE. Always check with the doc before taking anything or on safefetus.com (I think it's com, might be org?) If you're going to nurse your baby I highly recommend looking at Dr. Hale's website and his book which shows all the meds and things you can and can't have while breastfeeding. Awesome resource there and I used it all the time.

I hate when docs say, "I can't be 100% sure" but they can't because nothing is 100% certain. I hate it though because that's all they have to say to send me into a TIZZY of anxiety. I NEED 100% assurance and I will never get it. That's why I am still sick like this.

I think you are going to be fine. You need to see a good therapist who is kind and understands this stuff. You need to do relaxation techniques (guided imagery from Health Journeys is lovely, google them), you need to allow your brain a rest so your body can follow its lead.

I know WHAT to do, and I know how hard it is to actually do it. I would just keep trying, as much as you can. You're young and strong and to borrow from Hunger Games -- the odds are in your favor!

[bridetobe]

Thank you all! That 100% certainty you mentioned is what keeps replaying over and over in my head. My husband was in the room and heard the whole conversation between me and the dr. His recollection is much different than mine. In my version the dr said he could not guarantee I would not have a heart attack tomorrow. In his version the dr said my heart was "textbook" and I had no risk factors for a heart problem. He said that I needed to stay away from google and take medication to control my anxiety. He also told me that with the results of my echo he saw no reason for me to get any further testing, however my husband who also got the ekg and echo was sent for a nuclear stress test. I was almost a little jealous that my husband could get this test and not me. That is awful isn't it! In high school with my chest pains I was put on medication for acid reflux and took them occasionally. I stopped once I got pregnant. I have always had bad acid reflux. Still not able to convince myself that if the problem. It is just awful being stuck like this. I literally hate being home alone with my daughter just in case I drop dead. I panic if I don't have a working phone with me. I was a single mother who use to take my daughter all over to do all kinds of fun things but once my health anxiety got bad I swear I stopped going everywhere.  A trip to the grocery store was a painstaking experience. I know it is horrible and I feel terrible for this but I am pregnant and had a few glasses of wine (small and only one per occasion) before going to certain places because the panic was unbearable to me. My husbands grandfather died and he was terrible upset so that day had to be for him AND NOT MY HEART ATTACK! Of course I felt horrible and was convinced the baby would have FAS until my grandmother told me while its not a good idea the stress I was putting on my body was most likely just as unhealthy.

[lawkcrabb]

I have all the same symptoms that you and calamy have...I have had 2 ekgs, chest x-rays, blood work and a ct scan with contrasting liquid...and my heart is great.  I have absolutely no family history of heart disease and I am a relatively healthy 36 year old.  I have good days and bad.  One day I am fine and the next day I just know that my heart is about to give out.  Yesterday I was in the grocery store with my 6 year old...it was about 4pm and I hadn't eaten anything since 7am...all the sudden I felt light headed and I thought my jaw hurt (I am a nervous jaw clencher, I find myself doing it ALL the time).  I went home, ate something and felt better, but I just KNEW I was going to have a heart attack.  I was focused on the jaw pain...but it kept moving, left, right, upper jaw, lower jaw, then go away, then come back.  I know it is all in my head but I am always thinking "what if they missed something" or "this is real this time".  It is exhausting and an everyday struggle.  Something that helps me, knowing that I have had more heart tests than 95% of the people my age, knowing that I have no family history, and knowing that my anxiety is so strong that it can cause a multitude of symptoms.  I have been trying to get moving and breath deeper.  It has to get better for us...I know it will!

[Calamy]

I told my cardiologist about my shortness of breath and getting worn out fast and he checked my eyes and hands and said I look pale and he suspects my iron is low again. I went to the lab and got a ferritin and CBC and find out on monday but I'll take iron in the meantime. Anemia is dreadful...I get SO out of breath and my heart pounds when I do little things. But the doc said to me straightaway that I don't have blockages or all his tests would have shown something. I have been seeing him almost 2 years now and done 4 stress tests with him and EKG's and bloodwork etc. He recommended I get back on Zoloft and take a little more Xanax to help my sleep. He also said that he works with patients who DO have blockages and are controlled without surgery (nice to hear!) and that the artery can make "country roads" he said to keep the blood going so it's like a "natural bypass" and that the body is very resourceful that way. He tried so hard to help me calm down but man I was JUMPY in there, I was shaking all over and freaking out. He said I could do another stress test (after the great result I had 9 weeks ago) but it would be just "taking my money" because he is not concerned and has not seen anything that concerns him. He listened to my heart and lungs, felt my ankles etc. and said everything was good. He asked if I had been checked for sleep apnea and if I snore (no and yes).

So maybe it's dehydration or anemia or anxiety or all three.

GERD sucks as well and will cause tons of chest pains, trust me. GERD is a b*tch! Maybe you should see  gastro doc and get on a good PPI if you're allowed and also watch everything you eat, don't eat too much, and sleep with the head of your bed raised up. Also don't eat a few hours before laying down. I find that bending over to pick stuff up causes me chest pains, too.

Doc prolly advised your hubby on a further test because men are more prone than women -- the lovely estrogen:)