I'm sorry if this is lengthy, but I hope you take the time to hear me out <3
Hi. My name is Charlynn. I joined this forum a month or so ago. I'm 16 years old. My anxiety issues basically revolve around being afraid that my loved ones are going to die and also about health. Sometimes I think I'm gonna die. Sometimes I fear that words people say are signs that someone I love is going to die. I really don't want to live this way. I guess how my anxiety started was about a year ago, I had a close friend of mine go through a terrible situation. Her dad passed on in an unexpected situation. His arteries had cracks in them and they burst when someone mugged him because i guess he got scared. Ever since that day, I've been asking myself how I would feel if that happened to me. There are so many accidents happening nowadays and I'm thinking that it might happen to someone I love too. I suffered through this "fear of loved ones dying" for a few months until I stopped worrying about it and started worrying about something else. Then, a few weeks back, I went out with that particular friend and I guess it triggered my anxiety again.. remembering how upset she was and how she might still be hurting inside. Ever since then, I'd been having irrational thoughts about this again. And sometimes I'll feel like I'm gonna die, for no reason at all. And then all of a sudden, everything thats happening to me, i think im gonna die. When I have a headache, I think I'm gonna die. When I feel dizzy, I think I'm gonna die. I really don't want to go to a doctor because my family cannot afford it right now. My family has no idea about my anxiety issues and neither do my friends. The only person that knows is my boyfriend. & he's really supportive and all. I joined this forum to find a peace of mind and just hope someone has a way for me to snap out of this and live on happily and as carefree as I was a year ago before all this started. But I have to say though, in a way, my anxiety really did change me. It help me be a better person. Being scared of what I say being a sign of what might happen, I limit myself from saying bad things and from judging people.
If you've read the whole paragraph, wow. That means a lot to me :)