Severe Panic Attacks

[Eggyman]

Hi there... I normally have never posted in these sorta type forums until now.. I guess I really feel like I need any sort of help or advice

I'm 23 and my whole life I've always had anxiety and depression, but I was always able to keep my mind off it with videogames or tell myself I was being silly until these last few months.

2 years ago my doctor put me on Lexapro, before that I never took any drugs at all. I just ate healthy. After I was put on that I felt the anxiety instantly dissapear and I become a totally new person, unfortunately I started smoking weed for the first time, turns out my anxiety had kept me off drugs the whole time being a kid. I started smoking because I felt increasingly numb and not satisfied. I was happy but completley bored all the time. It then went up till I even took other drugs and meth. My gf then broke up with me. I then quit all drugs and tapered myself off the SSRI. This was 6 months ago. However things arn't the same anymore..

I'm now less numb again but my dopamine i think is at an all time low.. I quit tobacco few weeks ago, and my life is also very stressful with debts from past drugs. I now have full blown panic attacks that scare me. I can't smoke weed anymore without feeling like I can't breathe and go into hysteria panic. I never had these before I took the SSRI. Now everyday is a complete struggle, the mornings are the worst, I wake up no energy, fully worried, my mind is always raciing, I have to open and close websites constantly like I have ADHD, I've always found it hard to concentrate though and play a game and stop just to keep my brain occupied from descending into constant hysteric panic attacks with shallow breathing. I also have asthma which came back full force after quitting smoking.

I guess my main question is, do I go back on an anti-anxiety/depressants or wait out more months or will I never return back to the normal self I was before I took the SSRI and drugs. I really regret it so it's kept me from taking it again, but I felt numb and different and always bored on them. However the anxiety and panic attacks and full blown suicial depression is making it hard to even survive let alone live. My doctor is useless and sorta just wants to pump me back on meds, but they were what caused me to change in the first place.

I even have anxiety writing this post... Like it's pointless or something.. I really feel lost.

[kconnors]

Hi, Eggyman . . .

Well, nothing is hopeless . . . yep, you have a lot of levels of stress on you . . . my concern is that you and your doctor, from your perspective, are not connecting . . . is this a family doctor or a doctor trained in therapy? Sometimes and this may not be the case with your doctor, if it is a family doctor, s/he prescribes meds as a means of controlling the symptoms when you should be dealing with root causes . . . I am not a professional but I will hazard a guess that weed and meth did not help your brain chemistry much and it usually, in my experience and connections, takes much longer to heal brain chemistry that has been under the influence of weed and meth . . . perhaps Lexapro and other meds are not appropriate  . . .

I cannot answer the meds or no meds question . . . I can tell you, though, you do need to consult with a trained professional not only in anxiety but in pharmacology to determine which drugs, if any, are the most appropriate for you . . . you might even benefit from a referral to an out-patient clinic for mental health issues . . . .whether you return to your "normal" self depends on the process that you use and your commitment . . . I suspect that like many of us, myself included, it is not so much as a return to a prior state of being "normal" as it is creating a new state of "normal" that works for us and our specific set of symptoms, causes and effects . . . please check in and let us know how you are doing and remember . . . nothing is ever hopeless . . .maybe hard work but definitely not hopeless  . . .take care, kc

[Eggyman]

Thanks for the reply and suggestions :) true , I've never felt hopeless to this degree before. Yeah youre right it's more a family doctor and not a therapist. I saw a therapist and he also only thought one session was best and also said to use the SSRI again. I feel maybe I don't express how I feel in talking like I do in words when typing from my anxiety. Maybe I should be making more sessions, they also cost money which I cannot afford It's kinda a vicious cycle.

Yeah I was very down after stopping the SSRI and meth. Except the comedown off meth was more irrational anger and crying. Now that has levled out into something of a pure panic attack failure. I guess the pain of withdrawals was better because it gives your mind somewhere to go ya know? when theres purely nothing but panic/anxiety it seems to be self-destructive more than crying.

I like the idea of creating a new kind of normal, maybe thats more the answer, i've changed over the years and can't go back to the normal I felt 2 years ago and I'm chasing a feeling that doesn't exist anymore.

[kconnors]

Hi,

You know, chasing a feeling that does not exist anymore is really not unusual . . . I think, because it happened this way for me, I wanted to be the person I was and when that was not reachable (hey, years pass, events happen), I felt that creating a new normal was a bit challenging . . . let's face it . . . there is a certain type of comfort zone that comes with the old version of the person . . . but, I found that establishing a new normal helped me get past the triggers and events from before and gave me a different perspective and, quite frankly, more strength to do things that the old me would not even entertain . . . re: not being able to afford more sessions . . . do check out to see if there are community clinics . . . sometimes these clinics can refer you to practitioners that run free group sessions, etc. or there may even be an outpatient treatment center at a hospital, etc. that does not charge . . . I know that it is a lot of work searching but even that can affirm that you are making progress . . . keep in touch . . .take care, kc