About 4 months ago i returned from Japan and brought with me a trifecta: A horrible sinus infection, and a MRSA staph & pseudomonus infection in my armpits.
I have dealt with HA almost all of my life, i am a 29 YO male. I had it under control once i had a colonoscopy in 2011 which definitively and forever put to rest my fears of chrons/IBD -- it was the first time, someone said, its with 100% certainty IBS.
Chronic anxiety of all this and my tumultuous life (tumultuous because of anxiety) caused pelvic floor dysfunction, which i have successfully retrained my body to not be as tense so I can no longer have the horrific pain associated with that disease (bladder pain, urinary difficulty, sexual difficulty, rectal pain)
All these things were easy to solve. I realized they were from anxiety and at that moment i began to heal as i knew i diddnt have anything serious and it was just my mind playing tricks on me.
However, back to my original point. I returned with these critters colonizing my body, and had recurring boils and skin infections for about 2-3 months. We started the fight with antibiotics, these worked temporarily, however, the infection always returned in my armpits.
After a course of antibiotics three months ago, i then developed C-Diff. It was like my worst nightmare realized. Here i was, fighting the now rational, irrational fears of the past. They have become real.
I have been in HELL ever since. C diff is now gone and has been for over a month, but every bowel sound i worry, every BM I worry. I cant accept its gone and move on! I keep worrying.
I now compulsively check my armpits for boils -- none are there and have not been for weeks.
Every pink spot becomes my death sentence, every fart becomes my death sentence, every itch becomes my death sentence. and it has progressed to the point that i can no longer function normally in my life. I have become severely depressed and suicidal. I went to a shrink to help me and he prescribed Wellbutrin, im still waiting on those to work. I just dont know what to do anymore. Its all consuming hell that no one understands.
I tell myself... once this goes away, it will go away for good. But the anxiety just hops on over to something else, then i say the same thing... once i get over this ill be ok.. then the anxiety just hops onto something else.
What makes it worse is that the staph, and Cdiff WERE REAL, a REAL condition. not fake, so i just at the point i can no longer control my anxiety about the fear of the return of these diseases, and what that means for my future, etc. its horrible, how can i end this sufffering? what else is there?