MY SUCCESS STORY: PLEASE READ IF YOU NEED HOPE <3

[JNB]

 

Hello Everyone!

I stumbled across Anxiety Zone a few months ago and it was such a helpful tool for me to read about other peoples' success stories with GAD, and I vowed that if/when I ever had success, I would give back to all of you who have greatly helped me understand and normalize my struggles by reading about all of you brave and strong men and women who have suffered and struggled with GAD, as I did. This is my story:

I have had anxiety my whole life. I am 24 now and for a far back as I can remember, I have had anxiety attacks. No one knew. I shared it with no one other than my Grandmother, who was a retired social worker, and even then, I shared a very minimal amount of information about what I was going through. From the age of 6 until more recently, I was able to distract myself when I would feel an anxiety attack coming along. I would watch the Family Channel or a sitcom to help me calm down when I felt like I was going crazy, or dying. So it was manageable.

Until November 13, 2012.

I can remember the date so well because it was the worst anxiety attack I had ever experienced in my ENTIRE LIFE. I sat up in bed that morning and was trembling like no other, sweating, my mind was racing... All I was thinking was that I was going to LOSE MY MIND AND 0473. Or end up in an institution. Whichever happened first!  I really thought it was over for me.
I eventually calmed down but from that day on, NOTHING was the same again.
I left school, I didn't really want to leave my house, I was constantly worried and scared..no TERRIFIED, every single day. And the worst part about the whole thing, was that, my birthday was in 4 days. I was afraid to have a party, I was afraid my friends would know that I am acting differently, I was afraid I was going to lose it and that everyone would leave my house party thinking, "wow, Nicole is crazy and she is not the girl we thought she was". All I could do was doubt myself, everyday of every week. I really thought that if I was anywhere by myself or without my boyfriend, that I would harm myself or someone else. So you can imagine the angst I was experiencing!!

Anyway, I made a conscious decision to get help and open up about my suffering. I told my boyfriend everything that I was going through. I told my parents and my grandparents, and eventually even my best friend. I saw a psychologist for a few weeks, and that helped a lot. He helped me get to the root of my anxiety which was abandonment, fear of failure and alienation from my peers and loved ones. But I was still experiencing a severe amount of derealization and depersonalization which are probably the worst symptoms of GAD or any anxiety. It made me lazy, unmotivated, lethargic, and grumpy; closed off from everyone.

So I know you're probably wondering where in this I found success. Well here it is and please, Please, PLEASE, I urge anyone who is currently struggling with GAD to take these tips into consideration:

1. Like I said, I saw my doctor who referred me to a Psychiatrist. While I was waiting ( a month and a half) for my appointment, I saw I Psychologist to help counsel me with my anxiety, and give me support and guidance on how to manage my day, dealing with Anxiety.

2. I told all the important people in my life about my anxiety and got their FULL support. Always letting the people that care about you know what's going on with you is so great because they understand you more, and they can keep tabs on you, help you rationalize your distorted thinking, and make sure we're not getting too down on ourselves and digging ourselves into a deeper whole.

3. NEVER NEVER deny medication if you have tried EVERYTHING else. I tried a psychologist first, and reading a LOT, but it didn't help as much as I needed to get my life back. There is no reason to suffer so much all because you don't want to take anti-anxiety medication. (On a sidenote: do NOT let your family doctor prescribe any medications to you. Only a Psychiatrist can know what is best to prescribe you in your individual situation.) My Psychiatrist prescribed me CIPRALEX (Escitalopram). It is probably the best choice I have ever made in order to get back to myself again. I was stubborn too and didn't want to take ANY medication. But it is honestly just like anything else. If you have a headache, you take Tylenol or Advil. If you have an infection due to a cold, you take Antibiotics. If you have diabetes, you take Insulin. It is EXACTLY THE SAME. Do not be ashamed to take medication that will change your life!

I have been taking Cipralex for about two weeks now. I had a slight headache and felt a bit drowsy the first two days and I have been completely fine ever since. Taking medication has honestly brought out the ME in ME. The stranger that I have not been familiar with for the past few months, is ancient history now. I, of course, have to read books and self-treat myself to improve my thought process, but the medication has enabled me to think RATIONALLY. Help is only any good, if you are in a clear state of mind. All that anxiety fog doesn't help because while you are getting treatment, you are too busy doubting its effectiveness.

All anxiety is , is FEAR. Fear of the unknown. Every time I still get a little bit of anxiety, I just tell myself that. It is so much easier to deal with now. This medication doesn't make me feel off or different. I didn't experience ANY of the long list of side effects, and I only take HALF a tablet!! I refuse to go up in the dosage because I like being in a position where I still doubt things a little bit and I can work on that myself. It will also be easier to come off of when the time is right.

MINDFULNESS is the most important tool for people with GAD. Practice living in the PRESENT. IF you think about the past, you have to think about it ONLY while recognizing that it is , in fact, the past and do not let it affect the present. Do not think about the future unless it is goal oriented. Think about it this way, if you live for RIGHT NOW and live as best you can for RIGHT NOW, your future can only be bright because everyday you are working on yourself, and improving yourself.

I AM PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE CONQUERED MY ANXIETY ATTACKS AND AM HAPPILY WORKING EVERYDAY TO IMPROVE MYSELF AND LIVE A NORMAL LIFE. MY RELATIONSHIP IS AMAZING AND MY FRIENDSHIPS ARE AMAZING. I AM NO LONGER LIVING IN FEAR OF EVVVERYTHING!!! And honestly it feels amazing.

A great book to read is "FEAR" by Thich Hnat Hanh. Essential Wisdom for Getting Through the Storm. It is an amazing and spiritual book. So insightful gives you an unparalleled amount of tips that have helped me like NO OTHER. After reading even just the first chapter, you start to feel more Zen, open-minded, mindful of destructive emotions. He teaches you how to practice Mindfulness and meditation.

I really, REALLY, want to thank you for reading my post, in advance. Even if I was able to give even ONE person hope, I have done my part. I also want to thank all of you who have helped me get through my storm and I really wish you all the best in your recovery and congratulations to my fellow Anxiety Free members!!!!

 
 

<3

[kconnors]

Hi JNB,

What a great story and congrats to you, your family, friends, and boyfriend . . . . well done and thank you sincerely for sharing it with us . . . .may you have a lifetime free of anxiety and full of happiness . . .take care, kc

[jax79]

That's AWESOME and congrats to you! I suffer from GAD and health anxiety and I refuse to take medication. Even though it works well for others and yourself I just don't see how taking medication can work when anxiety is all in our thoughts and fears. Some people do need medication and I'm not knocking anyone who takes it I just believe if I want to fix my anxiety as hard as it can be I have to change my thought process with help from a psychologist and also support from family. I have my highs and lows with anxiety and sometimes I do wonder if medication would work but I want to conquer without medication! I hope to be in your shoes one day and conquer anxiety! Your story is an inspiration congrats!!!!

[jax79]

I will also look into that book thank you!

[LindaRK]

I'll preface my remarks by saying I've had an anxiety disorder for over 36 years.  There was a time early in my years of anxiety that I took medication and it helped me greatly.  I used that time on medication to help me get to a place where I could learn to manage my anxiety without medication.

I'll be blunt.  You are by no means cured.  The defintion of "cured" is recovery from disease.  You are taking medication for your anxiety disorder.  It's a bandaid fix.  You are certainly in a better place, but you aren't cured.

There is no comparison of anxiety to diabetes or heart disease or other diseases that require medications for a physical cause.  Emphasize physical.

Anxiety is brain based.  It's an emotional disorder that requires learning how to manage our distorted and negative thinking.

If people want a good book to read about anxiety, try Claire Weekes' books or Dr. David Burns or books on CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) or ....... any books by Dr. John Sarno, who has done exhaustive studies on repressed emotions causing physical and emotional pain.

[cutecat25]

Thanks for sharing your recovery story! and congratulations!
Sometimes its so hard to see any light in our situations, but stories like this can bring hope to many.
I hope one day I can get to where you are.
p.s I also agree that Derealisation & depersonalisation are the worst symtpoms ever.

[howifeel]

I think you're going to crash.


KIDDING!!


 I am getting better this year, as well. I can relate. I am even taking a chance and going on a trip.

Nice to hear the recoveries. We do recover!

[kconnors]

Just as an aside . . . I find it interesting that the etymology or history of the verb "cure" is connected with to "ward off, prevent, defend" . . . whether physical or mental, I don't think anyone is ever cured of anything as in making whole again . . . my friend has ovarian cancer . . . she has been treated and is in remission, but she is not cured . . . she has a respite from cancer and its symptoms and has "recovered" from that specific episode, but we know little really of how the body and the mind interrelate to stabilize either side of the health coin . . . so, for me, "cured" is how we choose to use it . . .

So, for me, if JNB wants to view this period in life as being "cured" in the sense as in "preventing" or "defending" against the symptoms, whether it is through meditation or medication or a combination, then, for me, I will rejoice that for JNB his/her interpretation is working and continue to offer my congratulations and support and my gratitude for sharing the experience. My two cents . . . take care, KC

[JNB]

I, by no means, meant cured. I am working very hard, just like everybody else. I was NOT impressed with one of the above users comments, as this forum, to me, is to inspire and encourage and support each other. So I will disregard his/her comments. Like I said, I am still putting in just a much work as everyone else.

Take care and thank you for everyone else's support and positive comments. I will no longer be back on this site as those negative comments have turned me off completely.

Good Luck to everyone who has suffered with GAD, like I have.

[cutecat25]

Good for you JNB!
Your an inspiration to me! Don't worry a out those other members, you have beat this and come out the other side!
:)

[Cheesus]

Though JNB has said that she won't be back, I'd just like to extend to her my heartfelt wishes for a happy future.

Regarding whether or not someone can 'cure' an anxiety disorder, I find the prognoses here on the anxiety disorders to be rather interesting. I think I would describe overcoming an anxiety disorder to be 'healing' rather than 'curing'. You don't cure a broken leg, you heal it. However, once healed, it can still be broken again.

This analogy is actually somewhat more literal than you may initially think. I truly believe anxiety to be, at least in my case if not for many others, largely due to physiological factors as well as psychological. By this I do not mean that I believe I have faulty genes that will cause me to be anxious - though I may. What I mean is that there is likely a biological imbalance: my nerves might be, figuratively, 'shot' with stress (lending credence to environmental as well as psychological and biological causes); my adrenal glands may be worn out, leading to a hormonal imbalance within the body; I a permeable intestinal barrier that has lead to blood and liver toxicity; food intolerances may cause chronic tissue or brain inflammation; and/or I might have a parasitic, bacterial or yeast overgrowth that is causing innumerable physical as well as mental symptoms.

All of these potential scenarios worsen and are made worse by stress - something that sufferers of anxiety have by the bucketload. Moreover, they are brought on, in many instances, by modern environmental exposures such as antibiotics, the Standard American Diet (the worse thing to happen to human health since the bubonic plague), chlorinated water, pesticides, fertilisers, pharmaceuticals etc.. No wonder global health is becoming much worse and mental health, specifically, is projected by the World Health Organisation to be the most prolific threat to human health by the year 2020 (don't quote me on that - it was a study I recall seeing in passing).

I don't think these biological issues are the cause of anxiety. I know that some people are simply more emotionally sensitive to the world around them, and perhaps more physically vulnerable to stressors. Moreover I know that toxic philosophies can embed themselves in our outlooks - but even this, to some extent, is a physical (and reversible) issue caused by acutely negative thinking patterns developing neural networks and becoming chronic. However, I am adamant that environmental and physiological causes are monumental elements of my own anxiety disorder, and certainly for others too, and it is possible to address these issues and thus commence a healing process that will ultimately restore us to pre-industrial levels of health.

The mind and body are inseparable. They are literally different manifestations of exactly the same thing. To begin the healing process you must address the human as a whole.

[howifeel]

Well said, Cheesus!

This argument is an old one. In Alcoholics Anonymous(AA) the debate over recovering versus recovered has been around for a while (for example). The authors of the AA text refer to having "recovered" from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. With the advent of treatment programs, the concept of "recovering" received focus in order to motivate individuals to exert a sustained effort over time, and not rest on their laurels. Mental Health observed the success that 12 step was having with the concept of "recovery" and is adopting the same position (which is why the term Mental Health is progressively being referred to as "Behavioral Health and Recovery" while introducing more peer support in favor over therapy). The broken leg analogy is a good one (of course, I am told, that all analogies have a breaking point. However, this one is pretty good).

Both camps actually agree, when you delve more into the matter. Nevertheless, we can be skilled at majoring in the minors. After all, we are not professionals.

[Happy sailing]

CHEESUS you are a GENIUS !!     (you have to say this in a sing song way because it rhymes!  LOL!! )
I AGREE!!   

My anxiety is DEFINITELY physiological in nature as well!  I know for a fact there is a number of things going on including the adrenal, hormonal, etc things!  I number of factors you listed above! 

I also agree with your broken foot analogy! 

WELL DONE!! And much love!   

[peggy67]

Thank you very much! It is nice to hear a success story for once:)  I, too, have been very hesitant about medications, but you're right....if they help, go for it! There is no need to be ashamed. I haven't found the right one for me yet, but i'm interested to read more about the one that worked for you.

Thanks again and good luck!

[LindaRK]

Well said, cheesus.