social anxiety?

[readyaimfire]

the population keeps growing

social networks have given us the opportunity to connect to more people than ever before

apparently the treatment of social anxiety and other mental health conditions have greatly improved over the years

yet, a lot of people still feel lonely. why do you think this is ?

[Cuchculan]

A lot of people are living inside their computers in this made up world that is cyberspace. Turn off the computer and their new world is gone. They are back to feeling alone in their old world again. I am not saying that people with anxiety disorders don't have friends in real life. But if you ask them all, you will find a great number of them are loners in the real world. They have their limits to what they can do in life. So they never committ fully to friendships. They just do their own thing in their own time. Life online can be an escape for many. But for some it can become more important than life offline. That can become a problem. Life offline should always come first. We have to keep pushing ourselves to move forward in our battle against anxiety. And we won't do that sitting on a computer all day long. We need to break the day up. Computer time. Other activities time. If we have nothing else to do we have to find something. Can't depend on the internet all the time. Even if it only means reading a book for an hour or so. Or a walk in your home area. We all need those hours away from the computer.

[StillRocking]

Speaking purely for myself, watching other people interact effortlessly on 0409 hammers home the fact that I am awful at communicating with people in that way. It recreates the gap I feel between myself and people in real life in an online form. In the past I used to use an instant 0372 to chat with my friends, and that was great. Direct communication with the people I want to talk to. Since the majority of my friends now use 0409 chat I'm obliged to use it too - and now the associated baggage that comes with it (i.e. the rest of 0409) is a constant reminder that I am not like that.

I also find myself exhibiting the worst of my compensating behaviours on social networks, and to a lesser extent, forums like this. Anonymity makes it worse - to the extent that I recently switched my 0409 account from *fake name* to *real name*. It's not important to anybody who knew who I was before (Friends etc.), but it has helped me calm down a bit.

Loneliness is, in my opinion, the thing we feel when we are isolated. And it is entirely possible to feel isolated in the middle of a crowd.

[readyaimfire]

thanks cuch/still for your replies
what you wrote makes alot of sense

[Nofeetmode]

Interacting online doesn't mean you are actually connecting. I know a lot of my replies to social networking site posts feel fake or forced. Also when I have a conversation with someone online it doesn't mean I can have a conversation with them in person or even on the phone. Many people can feel more uncomfortable with their physical presence then with their digital one. That's how I feel most of the time, anyways.

As for treatment, the nature of the beast that is social anxiety doesn't really allow you to run out into the streets looking for help. Imaging holding the phone with the number dialed in to health and human services (or whatever resource for mental health evaluation is available) and never pushing "call". This scenario is probably familiar to a lot of people with social anxiety problems. It took me until I was 25 to admit to myself that my intense "shyness" was getting in the way of my romantic and professional life.  Years later I still haven't worked up the courage to be evaluated by a professional. I want help, I'm just afraid of talking to strangers on the phone, among many other things.

That is why I'm thankful for places like this. I think it gives people the chance to communicate in a genuine way. It also feels like self-administered therapy when I visit anxiety zone. Like I can at least help myself a little while I'm working up the courage to ask someone else for help.

[Suzanne]

I know this was posted in February, so, do hope that you are still around lol

The internet is an escape but we also have something called a conscious that likes to dig at us ie sitting down too much at the computer, when tons of things need doing. or when one feels that they actually need a hug - well can't get it from online!

My nephew in England is a classic example of what you are talking about.  He now has finished school but as far as I am aware, he spends all is time upstairs in his room online chatting. And yet, he posted on 0409 (he is not in my friendship list because I do not cope with swearing), that he was lonely and his sister said: well if you actually came down and chatted with us, you wouldn't be so lonely!!

My husband says of me that I might as well not have any interaction in the outside world!  Well a tad unfair because I do actually look after our home and so make myself do other things, but it is true that I cannot wait to finish the task, so that I can be back online!

I am also a christian and so have no choice but to have real friends lol but I am myself mostly online.  No stuttering, blushing, eye contact and the list goes on!

[kaito1412]

Honestly there really just is nothing like interacting with another person right in front of you, not forums, instant messaging, phone calls or webcam chatting that can replace the physical interaction. I feel like your brain is hardwired to approach these forms of communication differently, unconsciously, consciously yadda yadda.

As for loneliness, its like the physical presence and enjoying it with those persons you connect with that absolutely cannot be replaced. I am one of those people that feel lonely, I have my parents, my brother, and pets but a friend? Well thats complicated. my best friend lives in another state, how? Well, I met him online, but hes the only one that I've ever really clicked with as a pal. I'll admit I was horrible at interacting with others (my awkward stage) my freshmen year of high school, eventually I became more well spoken. I also did stand out, I wore clothing to my style  ("where did you buy such great shirts" "your shoes are really cool"), and I am one of those guys that cuts and styles his own hair (haha...ha). I only managed to become this guy because my anxiety stems from new situations, things I cannot foresee, unexpected social interaction. With school, 5 days a week its easy for me to get comfortable and express myself.

Yet, I felt disconnected, I was always too anxious to invite a friend over, go to their house, go to that concert, go to that party etc the list goes on. High school friends for many people are just friends you feel obligated to talk to or hang out with because you see them every day. In fact you interact so much with them you meet outside of school, but they still just become "school friends" in the long run, you graduate and poof they're gone. Maybe you'll be lucky and make that friend more than just an "obligation", maybe. The former however, was my situation, except.. I gave up 9/10 of the social activities with those "school friends" because of my anxiety. This made me feel incredibly lonely, I didn't give a chance for those relationships to blossom, I spent nights alone wondering "what if". I graduated, I still talk to one high school friend.

The loneliness comes from not feeling those connections, feeling misunderstood. Yeah I have my parents, I have my siblings, I have those (meagor amount of) friends but they don't quite understand me like I'd like them to. The loneliness comes here, it moves into that gap that is unfilled.