I don't cry...

[Scaredandworried]

Only when I was little, I've felt sad, nearly cried and gotten water eyed but never dropped a tear recently. Like I've watched warrior and i got so sad but I didn't cry, why? Am I a robot?

I have depression does that cause it? Or the medicine I'm taking for it? If it was, why would I still feel so sad free watching sad movies? It's depressing me and making me feel like an asshole when I can't cry.

[kconnors]

Hello,

There are many reasons why some people cry at the drop of a pin and others do not and it has nothing to do with being an "asshole" . . . a lot of the time, and this is from someone who is not a professional, I think whether we cry or not depends on our backgrounds and how acceptable showing an emotional response was . . .  in many prior generations, it was more socially acceptable for women to cry and not for men. Perhaps, for you, your background may have been that people should not show emotions. I can't watch sad movies unless I have 6 boxes of tissues nearby, but my friend can sit and watch the saddest movies you can think of and the only reaction might be to ask where the popcorn is . . .

Sometimes some people don't cry because they were told that showing emotions is a sign of weakness or loss of control or whatever . . . .I can't say whether depression causes someone to cry or not to cry but I do know that our symptoms are most frequently rooted in our past . . . I do not believe that you are a "robot" because a robot would not be even asking the question . . .  you have feelings but you are curious as to how you express those feelings . . . .if you see a professional, chat with them about this . . . you may be surprised to discover that there is some trigger in your past (perhaps someone making fun of you when you did cry or telling you that crying is for kids, etc.) and that once you recognize the trigger, you will feel more comfortable with how you express your feelings whether it be crying or not crying . . . but, please, do not view yourself in negative terms . . . . your value is in knowing and accepting yourself . . . .let us know how you are doing, okay? Take care, KC

[Scaredandworried]

But if I tell myself it's okay to cry, why don't I? Shouldn't my tears be let go?

[kconnors]

Hi . . .  well, it is one thing to tell yourself intellectually that it's okay to cry, but that does not necessarily mean that the connection to your emotions is there . . . it is good to cry . . . .a good cry has a very healing effect but sometimes when we try too hard to make something happen with our emotions, then we just end up creating anxiety . . . keep telling yourself it is okay to cry and you may even need to teach yourself how to cry . . . I know, this sounds a bit strange, but perhaps the next time that you are seeing a sad movie, peel an onion to start the tears rolling . . . I am not being funny here . . . I have worked with people from war torn countries who never cried because they were taught not to cry, to be brave, etc. and they passed this on to their children . . . it is very difficult for them to understand what crying is and how to do it . . .  it takes time to break down whatever barrier has been instilled in them . . . .sometimes it takes something like using an onion to have tears flow and equate this with sadness . . . I think that you need to relax and take this bit by bit . . . also, there may be a physical reason why you don't cry such as blocked tear ducts or another reason . . . my friend's brother does not feel pain . . . he is an adult now but when he was a child, this was of great concern . . . apparently it has somethign to do with the pain receptors . . . .so, please do not feel that you are in some way uncaring or unfeeling . . . you may need just to build up the connections between emotions and the physical reaction of crying especially if there is some reason from your past that has conditioned you not to cry . . . let us know how you are doing and I would focus on knowing that you can feel sadness and expressing it will come in due time . . .take care, kc

[Scaredandworried]

Well, the thing is physically i can cry, like I cried during obamas speech about the sandy hook incident, it's mostly not crying when watching sad movies. I also cry for selfish reasons but I don't think that counts as being caring to other people.

[kconnors]

Good . . . you know that you can cry and that you do cry . . . . there are no selfish reasons for crying . . . you show that you care for other people by what you do and who you are . . . not by tears . . . I have seen people who are the most uncaring people perform the crying drama on call . . . that does not mean that these people are expressing genuine feelings . . . in other words, you can cry for whatever reasons are authentic for you but please do not equate tears with caring . . . you seem like an extremely caring person who feels that there has to be some outward validation for yourself that you are caring . . . instead of looking for tears, ask yourself at the end of every day . . . .were you able to make one person's life better . . . it does not have to be big gestures . . . perhaps you held the door for someone who didn't bother to thank you . . . yet, you did it because you yourself knew it was the appropriate thing to do . . . .perhaps you simply smiled at someone as you walked by and wished them a good morning . . . and you have to always ask yourself at the end of the day if you did just one thing to make yourself happy . . . perhaps it was something as small as telling yourself what you did that was positive that day . . .

As I said . . . being nice is not a competition . . . everything counts and if you feel like shedding tears for someone else or on your own behalf, then that is perfect . . . rather than counting and judging yourself, value yourself as the caring human being that you appear to be and live your life a day at a time and put away the counting  . . .take care, kc

[jweisberg]

Hi,

I've had problems like that where I haven't been able to cry before. The last time happened a couple years ago. Two girlfriends and I sat in my room and watched a terribly sad movie to provoke tears from me (and everyone else) and that didn't work! I felt like I was real emotional at the time only I couldn't connect how I was feeling inside with how I was reacting to everything. Eventually I stayed up real late one night and thought about the things I'd been avoiding emotionally- my mom had passed and my brother wasn't doing well. This all made me cry.

Now I'm living with my boyfriend who I really trust and have cried in front of a million times. I can cry about just about anything- I even shed a few tears during the Hobbit. I think it's all about being comfortable with whoever you're around and also confronting the parts of your life that you really feel emotional about.

[lcfrogs]

Well, the thing is physically i can cry, like I cried during obamas speech about the sandy hook incident, it's mostly not crying when watching sad movies.

I'm the opposite. I rarely cry in real-life situations, even if something has really upset me. I can't even cry at funerals. But when I watch a sad movie, I am bawling. I try to hide it when that happens because I get so embarrassed; like kconnors was saying, I was conditioned to not cry when I was growing up. So I get extremely embarrassed when I do cry.