death phobia

[sassparella]

I am absolutely terrified of dying to the point it takes over my whole life. I think about it a lot and every little ache, pain or strange symptom I get I immediately think it's fatal and this is it I'm going to die.

I've been scared of dying for as long as I can remember it's all consuming and something I can't escape as I know we're all going to die one day. I believe that when you die you just stop and cease to exist and it is this ceasing to exist that terrifies me. If I could get over my fear of death I truly believe my life would be much better and I'd stop worrying about other things like flying and illnesses and such.

Does anyone else suffer from this?

[tinam7]

Talk of death always attracts me but I am worried only about the getting there. I've known of horrible ways and am determined that my death will be a good one.

To have a good death I think we must try our best to have a good life. That is the way to triumph over the inevitable that is the same for all.
As Camus said, come to terms with death and you can begin to live. Might add that for some, the promises of religion are a big help, but I am fine on my own.

[BeeDot]

I am terrified as well.  Though, sometimes I'm not sure if I am more scared of death or dying.  Right now, I"m in a horrible phase where I'm pretty much 100 percent convinced that my death is imminent.  I am so afraid to plan for the future because I don't think I'll be here for it.  I always look at life a little bit backwards.  Like right now, I'm thinking how eerie this post would be if I really did die soon, because I would have predicted it.  Of course, then I take that as a sign that it will be true.  I wish I knew how we could get over this fear because it is perhaps the dumbest fear there is.  Everyone has to die, no exception, so nothing we do can prevent it.  Why are we so scared?

[tinam7]

I could go on and on how death was a part of my life from the moment I was born on the brink of WWII followed by decades of survivor guilt. Why did we get away? A terrible burden. So to die a natural death is a miracle, really, when millions died such unnatural deaths and others still do, today. I've read and read trying to find answers, consolations.

The best, for me, is J. Krishnamurti's Last Journal as an old man. It is his connection to nature, his acceptance of what occurs in nature year after year, season after season that will enable him (and me) "to die with dignity, simplicity, and with a smile." The life cycle continues in nature, is the same throughout nature, we are part of nature, and I feel very connected to it. Reconnect every day on my walk as I see the sky, clouds, sun, birds, trees, and the leaves and flowers that I know will return. When I die there will be any number of births. Life goes on. 

Not sure this can help anyone, but it has helped me.

[BeeDot]

Tinam,
Those are nice sentiments.  I too, feel so connected with nature and I appreciate the cycle of life.  However, I love living and there is so much that I want to do and see and I want to spend time with family and friends and I'm not ready to let go.  I so afraid of it being cut short.  In that sense, I can accept that there is a natural order of birth and death and such, but I'm terrified that it will come before I'm ready.

[sassparella]

I'm 48 and my death phobia has become more real as I've got older especially this last birthday as I realise I'm nearly 50. I too realise that there is a natural order to things but the thought of the moment of death, when I have to let go and slip into blackness scares the heck out of me.

[tinam7]

Sure understand that being young can be different, but then it can get worse as the odds increase. It still comes down to outlook, attitude. Some old people I know are given to major anxieties about, "Is this my last holiday? Last birthday? Last season? Last meal?"

Sorry to say that a change in attitude takes work. Reading, CBT and TEA thinking helped me. For example. Thought: I'm dying. Error: Catastrophic thinking. Analysis: Life expectancy, now in the 80's, keeps increasing. What the heck, I'm only.........so have miles to go. The best thing to do is to enjoy yourself. Reaper hates happy, busy people. So he usually passes me by. He'll get me only when I'm comfortably asleep. Yes, I've told him to grab me while I'm dreaming, cozy and warm under covers. He can lift me up in my nighty and cart me off. It won't be lonely on the other side, plenty of company. Nothing to fear.

[Pippy187]

This is a great post... and it hits the nail on the head how I feel ( dont want to die )... I think since ive turned 30 I've been freaked out... At times im overly nostalgic and want to hold on to the past... I know I should let go and move on and live on.

[mrspbnj0220]

You said you are reading, CBT and TEA thinking and it helped you, is there a specific book that you are reading that you can recommend or is there a site you read from.

Sure understand that being young can be different, but then it can get worse as the odds increase. It still comes down to outlook, attitude. Some old people I know are given to major anxieties about, "Is this my last holiday? Last birthday? Last season? Last meal?"

Sorry to say that a change in attitude takes work. Reading, CBT and TEA thinking helped me. For example. Thought: I'm dying. Error: Catastrophic thinking. Analysis: Life expectancy, now in the 80's, keeps increasing. What the heck, I'm only.........so have miles to go. The best thing to do is to enjoy yourself. Reaper hates happy, busy people. So he usually passes me by. He'll get me only when I'm comfortably asleep. Yes, I've told him to grab me while I'm dreaming, cozy and warm under covers. He can lift me up in my nighty and cart me off. It won't be lonely on the other side, plenty of company. Nothing to fear.

[creamcheese]

yes, I hate to talk about it sometimes, but this is probably the result of having such morbi thoughts. I've become really scared ever since a friend of mine ingested pills for the purpose of harming herself about a year ago. I remember spending the whole day wondering if she will make it, and luckily she did, but I think that thought sticks with me for a while. Also, some distant relatives who I knew also passed away, so I think that just all adds up.

Do you have a good social support group? I've noticed these thoughts get worse when I'm isolated, which I have been pretty much without friends or company for the past year or so. I'm seeing a therapist and it's helping a little bit, but she's new, so that's also another issue, but I do like talking to her about my problems, it helps me organize my thoughts. You're not alone!!!

[tinam7]

I have Sam Obitz' book Been There, Done That, Do This. It has examples of the TEA form that I believe helped me. There are others in the library I've seen and read (partially). Also have Lucinda Bassett's book From Panic to Power. Believe there are CBT video training programs online though I never tried them.

Do I have a social support group? I have a few friends with whom I can talk about death. They are all up there in years with me. What concerns us most is getting there. Will we have to lose our dignity, bodily functions, minds, be a burden, be in pain, etc.? So I actually fantasize about how I will deal with things at that time to try and check out with a smile. It is my belief we are simply not prepared for the inevitable and un-accepting.