It would be nice if someone understood me.

[Jewel311]

So apparently in 2007 I signed up for this site and just now realized that.  It makes me laugh because it sort of reassures me I have always had "anxiety issues."  Of course over the years they have changed and sometimes I hardly have any anxiety at all.  What brings me back here is my most recent "bout of anxiety."

It starts with a vacation a few weeks ago. Before going I was pretty stressed, I don't travel well, I always get worked up.  A day or 2 before I left I had an "eye migraine" which I have had a few times in my life, basically distorted vision for 15 minutes followed by exhaustion.  I called my doctor he seemed convinced it wasn't a stroke.. and just an atypical migraine.. (eeek, very reassuring.) Upon getting off the plane I was dizzy, and for the entire time had an off-balance, vertigo-ish feeling, as well as headaches, tired, etc.  My anxiety spun out of control. Of course everyone I was with chalked it up to me being me, just overreacting about a head cold, but I was freaking out.  Of course I googled compulsively and spare chance I got, and ended up determining it to be MS.  Which I have obsessed over countless times in the past.

I saw a doctor on the trip, he basically just sent me away diagnosing mewith fluid in my ears after asking if I had any "numbness or tingling." At that time, I did not. Then I came home and saw my doctor.  He said I had a "ton" of fluid in my left ear and "suctioned" sinuses.  he didn't seem too concerned.  I told him I always fear MS, he calmed my fears (for a day or 2.)  A couple of days later, the dizziness is subsiding, but I woke up with pins and needles on my left side a couple of days in a row.  My mind flashes back to the first doctor I saw, and I think to myself "I have numbness and tingling!"  Once more I begin googling......... MS symptoms state dizziness or unbalanced feeling, pins and needles, etc etc.  I also have been obsessing over floaters in my vision. This all leads to paralyzing fear, more googling and the inability to relax or take anyones advice.  I am essentially always on the verge of a panic attack and always "inside my own head." I have had similar "episodes" in the past.  I am newly enrolled in psychotherapy and eagerly await my appointment this week!

So thanks for listening to my story.  No one in my immediate family and none of my friends understand a thing I worry about. It is depressing. I have health anxiety and GAD (self diagnosed) ... a history of panic attacks...................... or a grave illness. 

I am so jealous of people who just live their lives calmly. Seriously.

[BellaLuna]

I can totally relate!!! My symptoms started in 2009. At first I thought brain tumor, then once that checked out ok I also kept on googling and got the MS diagnosis. I seemed to have it all.. The pins and needles, muscle twitching, weakness, dizzy and off balance.. The list goes on and on. So I had more tests, saw more specialists and again they told me to basically get my anxiety under control. Fast forward almost four years later and I am FINALLY trying to learn to accept that yes, anxiety can cause all these things. You have to remember that you have had these flare ups before, even years ago. Sometimes they come on strong, then they tend to lessen or disappear for a while. MS or other serious diseases like that get worse and worse, so I would say that you are OK when it comes to something like a physical disease. Mentally, you need to keep working on getting your anxiety under control. Trust me I know it's hard and I have good and bad days all the time... It's like a bad roller coaster ride. But please don't give up treating the root cause. Therapy, mediation, self help books, exercise.. I'm sure you have heard it all. Keep treating the anxiety until you find something that works for you. Best of luck!! :)

[Jewel311]

I appreciate the response.  I really am determined to FINALLY get it under control.  I just don't know how yet as I have truly tried it all (exercise, meds of all kinds, therapy in the past...and now therapy again...)I have such a hard time accepting that my entire left side having pins and needles (which sure, ive had pins and needles in the past on occasion...) but why RIGHT after a bout of dizziness and an eye migraine.  I always feel like it is indicative of an MS episode or something else, not an anxiety episode. It is so hard to believe anxiety is that powerful...even when you sleep?! 

I wish you the best of luck with your anxiety too.  It is totally a roller coaster, and it makes a lot of other aspects of my life a roller coaster as well. Thanks again.

[Evap]

And stay off google! It doesn't do any good for a hypochondriac. All the symptoms you listed can be caused by anxiety, and you're only feeding your anxiety when you google.

[Hohum]

Coming back to this website was a good start - I think it's safe to say that we can ALL understand what you're going through.

MS-fears are one of the most commonly-discussed on these forums. There's a great post in the "Sticky" section at the top of the board on MS which I would highly recommend reading: http://www.anxietyzone.com/index.php/topic,28715.0.html

Those of us with HA are living embodiments of the phrase "A little knowledge is a dangerous thing"    Unless someone happens to be a practising and experienced medical professional, they're simply not qualified to diagnose anything at all. Because you have some unexplained, generalized symptoms does not mean that you have MS. Same as if you found a worrying spot on your skin, just because it looks like a picture of "skin cancer" on Google images doesn't make it so. Playing Doctor is one of the worst things we can do for our HA - it only ever breeds more worry and concern and I don't think you'd ever find reassurance in a Google search!

If you've seen a medical professional who is not concerned about your symptoms, then try not to be concerned too. Easier said than done, it sounds like you're trying some different ways of coping which is great. Good luck in getting over this HA-event and back to normality!!

[Jewel311]

 I really appreciate the comments. They make me feel less alone/crazy.  I have an amazing support system, boyfriend..family..work family................ but not a single person understands so I internalize a lot.

Thanks again