So apparently in 2007 I signed up for this site and just now realized that. It makes me laugh because it sort of reassures me I have always had "anxiety issues." Of course over the years they have changed and sometimes I hardly have any anxiety at all. What brings me back here is my most recent "bout of anxiety."
It starts with a vacation a few weeks ago. Before going I was pretty stressed, I don't travel well, I always get worked up. A day or 2 before I left I had an "eye migraine" which I have had a few times in my life, basically distorted vision for 15 minutes followed by exhaustion. I called my doctor he seemed convinced it wasn't a stroke.. and just an atypical migraine.. (eeek, very reassuring.) Upon getting off the plane I was dizzy, and for the entire time had an off-balance, vertigo-ish feeling, as well as headaches, tired, etc. My anxiety spun out of control. Of course everyone I was with chalked it up to me being me, just overreacting about a head cold, but I was freaking out. Of course I googled compulsively and spare chance I got, and ended up determining it to be MS. Which I have obsessed over countless times in the past.
I saw a doctor on the trip, he basically just sent me away diagnosing mewith fluid in my ears after asking if I had any "numbness or tingling." At that time, I did not. Then I came home and saw my doctor. He said I had a "ton" of fluid in my left ear and "suctioned" sinuses. he didn't seem too concerned. I told him I always fear MS, he calmed my fears (for a day or 2.) A couple of days later, the dizziness is subsiding, but I woke up with pins and needles on my left side a couple of days in a row. My mind flashes back to the first doctor I saw, and I think to myself "I have numbness and tingling!" Once more I begin googling......... MS symptoms state dizziness or unbalanced feeling, pins and needles, etc etc. I also have been obsessing over floaters in my vision. This all leads to paralyzing fear, more googling and the inability to relax or take anyones advice. I am essentially always on the verge of a panic attack and always "inside my own head." I have had similar "episodes" in the past. I am newly enrolled in psychotherapy and eagerly await my appointment this week!
So thanks for listening to my story. No one in my immediate family and none of my friends understand a thing I worry about. It is depressing. I have health anxiety and GAD (self diagnosed) ... a history of panic attacks...................... or a grave illness.
I am so jealous of people who just live their lives calmly. Seriously.