Hi, I'm a teen girl and I have intrusive thoughts.
My question is, should I tell my parents that I have intrusive thoughts? About the sixth/seventh month I'd had intrusive thoughts I tried to talk to my mum and told her that I've been having anxiety attacks but I couldn't tell her why because my thoughts are so disgusting. I ended up just crying about it. I have hurtful thoughts, blasphemy sometimes but I'm mostly afraid that God hates me (I'm a Christian but not a very good one at that) but most of all I have sexual thoughts about everyone, even family and it makes me sick just thinking about it and I don't think I could ever get the courage to talk to someone about it. A few weeks after I told my mum we went to the doctors, but I was so nervous while waiting for the doctor that I started crying in public and didn't go see the doctor - I felt so embarrassed. We then went to a different doctor but I couldn't tell him what was really going on. I felt so horrible because my mum and I have such an honest relationship and she kept pleading me to tell her what was wrong but I just couldn't. I feel so trapped with this secret because I'm a very honest person and don't like to keep secrets, especially from my family, which is another side of my anxiety.
I have anxiety attacks about what I've done in the past and I'm worried about the future. I'm worried that I'm going to have to keep this secret forever and if I get married I won't be able to be honest with my husband because it's such a horrible secret. (Question: If your spouse had this secret would you hate them?)
There's no way I could talk to my mum about the sexual side of it, so I'll probably tell her about the hurtful/blasphemy thoughts. Do you think she'd understand? How would I go about it because I'm a very shy person and I don't think I'd be able to talk to her without crying. Also, if I tell my mum she'll want me to see a doctor, but then how can I talk to the doctor about it? I don't want to talk about my feelings, I just want to get happy pills, lol. I thought it would go away with time but it's just getting so much worse (months ago it would be on and off every few days, but now it's every day again).
Thank you in advance, I really appreciate it to anyone who answers with any advice. And I'm sorry that this post is so long but I'd be grateful if you read it all to get the full picture.