Intrusive thoughts, should I tell my parents?

[sotired]

Hi, I'm a teen girl and I have intrusive thoughts.

My question is, should I tell my parents that I have intrusive thoughts? About the sixth/seventh month I'd had intrusive thoughts I tried to talk to my mum and told her that I've been having anxiety attacks but I couldn't tell her why because my thoughts are so disgusting. I ended up just crying about it. I have hurtful thoughts, blasphemy sometimes but I'm mostly afraid that God hates me (I'm a Christian but not a very good one at that) but most of all I have sexual thoughts about everyone, even family and it makes me sick just thinking about it and I don't think I could ever get the courage to talk to someone about it. A few weeks after I told my mum we went to the doctors, but I was so nervous while waiting for the doctor that I started crying in public and didn't go see the doctor - I felt so embarrassed. We then went to a different doctor but I couldn't tell him what was really going on. I felt so horrible because my mum and I have such an honest relationship and she kept pleading me to tell her what was wrong but I just couldn't. I feel so trapped with this secret because I'm a very honest person and don't like to keep secrets, especially from my family, which is another side of my anxiety.

I have anxiety attacks about what I've done in the past and I'm worried about the future. I'm worried that I'm going to have to keep this secret forever and if I get married I won't be able to be honest with my husband because it's such a horrible secret. (Question: If your spouse had this secret would you hate them?)

There's no way I could talk to my mum about the sexual side of it, so I'll probably tell her about the hurtful/blasphemy thoughts. Do you think she'd understand? How would I go about it because I'm a very shy person and I don't think I'd be able to talk to her without crying. Also, if I tell my mum she'll want me to see a doctor, but then how can I talk to the doctor about it? I don't want to talk about my feelings, I just want to get happy pills, lol. I thought it would go away with time but it's just getting so much worse (months ago it would be on and off every few days, but now it's every day again).

Thank you in advance, I really appreciate it to anyone who answers with any advice. And I'm sorry that this post is so long but I'd be grateful if you read it all to get the full picture.

[sotired]

Anyone?

[Jewel311]

Intrusive thoughts are just that.............. thoughts.  You aren't sitting down and plotting to do these things, you just "fear" you could because the idea pops into your head.  There is a big difference.  You sound like you have good morals and the compulsive thoughts disgust you... the fact that you dwell on them will probably only make you have them more.  It is a vicious cycle. This is just my opinion, take it for what it is worth... but maybe just don't stress the thoughts or give them so much emphasis... just think "ok I am having another random OCD thought, I will let it pass..." or something along those lines.

[pmorin69]

Hi

I deal with them also and it has been for 7 months. very frustrating but the last person nailed it. If you let them bug you and acknowledge them it fuels the fire. You have to accept them as part of your life and just say "that's weird" and move on. dont give the thought any credit. take care and try CBT or even medication. Medication doesnt help 100% but with CBT it lets you get your life back.

wish you luck

[Happy sailing]

Hey there,
I have ben on this site a couple months now, and there is A LOT of great information!
I have heard it said (read it on here somewhere) that your anxiety will basically pick the thoughts/fears that will bother you the most as food/fuel to keep the anxiety going.  That seems valid.  So, basically the things you might fear/detest the most, anxiety has a go with it.  It is true that you have to keep labeling those thoughts as "anxiety talking" and allow them to "float" ...which means to not attach too much attention or emotion to them, as I understand I.  The emotion (fear) we attach to the thoughts empower the thoughts to stick around in your psyche to scare to more... Sort of a vicious circle.
I know there are others on here more experienced that might have somethings to add.
I agree going to a doctor you feel good about. They can help with the meds.  A counsellor would be good too to help with coping methods.  I don't know, but it sounds like your Mom is caring and understanding enough to have compassion and not judge what is going on with you.  I am a Christian as well and I can tell you GOD loves EVERYONE unconditionally! It is His love that reaches down to help us and sent Jesus to die for us "while we were yet sinners" ... The point I am making is HIS love saved you and His love never stops or fails you.  You accepted forgiveness.  It is done.  Complete.  Like you never did anything.  So, you are NOT failing Him now!  Just like a loving parent, He just wants to help you and already COMPLETELY accepts you as is.  You accepted His forgiveness...so He doesn't see nothing wrong!  Also one thing wrong equals another.  What I mean is, although you may FEEL more shame over the sexual thoughts, they are equal to the others. HOWEVER!!! Don't sweat it!!! Like said above.. They are just thoughts and brought on by anxiety.  Get the help you need and know you are totally fine, perfect, and loved just as you are!!!  HUGS!     

[sotired]

Thanks everyone, you all make me feel better - especially Happy sailing, thank you. I think I will just continue to try and forget the thoughts for a few more months, but if I still have them constantly by then I'll talk to someone about it.