Scared I'm dying

[sassparella]

Hi,

as you all know I'm still getting my night sweats which my doctor and an oncologist have no idea what is causing them. I've also been cutting down on one of my medications and getting terrible withdrawals - insomnia and a feeling like things are crawling in my brain, severe anxiety it's been hell (I started cutting down after the night sweats began so the withdrawal isn't causing them).

But now, all the time I'm worried that I'm about to die. I keep feeling like there's something terrible wrong with me causing the night sweats and that the doctor's have missed it. I'm terrified I have cancer or something terminal and that it's about to kill me. I try to distract myself but the thoughts seem to go through everything and I panic.

I just want to feel normal again, I don't feel that I ever will and now I feel I'll die before I get the opportunity.

[vardnas]

Do you really think there is a terminal disease on this earth that's so sneaky it can evade diagnosis even as it actively kills its host?

If you're scared, be scared. I've said it before on these boards. Sometimes the best thing we can do is just sit with our fear. Because ultimately, as we do this, our fear gets uncovered for what it is—false.

So, you think you're dying of some secret, dreaded disease. Fine, then live your life that way, go ahead. In a week or two weeks or a month from now, when you're STILL ALIVE, you're going to start to realize that you're wrong. And you're going to begin to realize that you have disordered thinking, not a terminal disease. And hopefully, with that realization will come an acceptance and WITH THAT ACCEPTANCE, you can begin to heal.

The fear of being afraid, the desire to feel "normal." You need to let that all go. It's a tough road to go down, but ultimately the best one. You have to get to the end of yourself. The point where doctor's opinions and test results and "reassurance" from strangers on the internet no longer bring any peace. It's a scary place to be, feeling like you're out to sea, afloat, all alone, but you will eventually come back to shore. I know because I've made that journey myself. I thought SO many times I was on death's door. But I'm still here, and probably healthier than ever because of what I went through. You can do this.

[sassparella]

thank you for your reply.

I know that it's unlikely that there is some hidden disease but I find it very hard to trust doctors. I've had a few bad experiences. My son had an abscess on his neck at 12 weeks and the emergency doc said it was just a swollen gland and to leave it. I wasn't happy with that so went to my GP as soon as I could and he had him rushed into hospital, he already had blood poisoning and was very ill, if I'd just left it as the other doctor suggested he'd have died. My dad was told by his GP that he was suffering depression when in fact he was having numerous mini strokes and it wasn't discovered until he had a big one that ultimately killed him. If the doc had diagnosed him correctly he would probably still be alive today. So as you can see it makes it very difficult.

I'm having genuine symptoms of night sweats that no one can really explain and as you know can be caused by cancer. I wish I could just relax and believe it is all OK but I can't, I'm scared and it doesn't help that I'm in withdrawal from tablets that I'm cutting down on. I just wish it would all go away and I could go back to how I used to be.

[SighNoMore]

Sass, I am with you! I had a few night reprieve from the sweats (which is unheard of!) and they are back again. It scares me so, so badly! I feel like sometimes I need to go to an oncologist, but I don't know if that is jumping the gun.

Hate this for both of us!

[sassparella]

Sass, I am with you! I had a few night reprieve from the sweats (which is unheard of!) and they are back again. It scares me so, so badly! I feel like sometimes I need to go to an oncologist, but I don't know if that is jumping the gun.

Hate this for both of us!

Sorry to hear your sweats are back yes it's horrible to get them every night. I'm so convinced that it's something fatal it's driving me crazy.

[SighNoMore]

Same here. The random itching and rashes doesn't help me feel any better either!
Are your sweats drenching? Mine are mainly my chest area and now my legs are involved.

[sassparella]

my sweats are mainly my chest and legs too. They're not drenching as such but can make the sheets a bit damp and my chest and legs are slick with sweat.

[SighNoMore]

Sounds eerily similar! Same exact thing here!

[sassparella]

yes it does sound very similar. At a loss for anything else my doctor, the oncologist and my psychiatrist all think it's hormonal even though my hormone tests are normal, but I'm not convinced as I get no hot flashes during the day time and have no other symptoms. I just wish I knew what is causing them.

[SighNoMore]

Not hot flashes here either. I am at my w it's end with them. Hoping it is just anxiety. It was so freeing to not have them. I hate that they are back. It really makes me fear that something is wrong.

[sassparella]

I would think in your case that it is hormonal as you are pregnant I googled night sweats during pregnancy and it seems it can be related to pregnancy so hopefully that's what's causing yours :)

[SighNoMore]

I wish I cold chalk it up to that, but I was sweating for a good 9-10 months BEFORE I got prgnant. That is why I worry. They do seem stronger now that I am pregnant, but they were definitely there before

[sassparella]

If you've had them that long then I would have thought if it was anything serious then you'd have more symptoms by now. I've only had mine a few months so I'm still paranoid about getting other symptoms and look for them all the time. I'm paranoid about losing weight as I lost a few pounds recently it never seems to end.

[SighNoMore]

That is what I try and tell myself too. I just have other issues that worry me. I have itchy skin and I think ok, Lymohoma. That is my biggest fear right now. I am coming up on a year if sweating. I hate it so, so much.

[mollyfin]

Unfortunately night sweats can also be a withdrawal symptom when you start cutting back certain medications, so that could be why it's not improving.  The first couple of weeks I was off of zoloft, I would wake up in a puddle! 

[SighNoMore]

How are you doing, Sass?

[sassparella]

How are you doing, Sass?

Thank you for asking :) I had sweats again last night I hate this and feeling very worried again today about everything. Still worried I'm dying. It would be great to wake up feeling good.

[gcalex]

You aren't dying, but you are depriving yourself of living.  Plenty of women on here sweat at night -- are all of them dying or is there a benign explanation -- I vote for the latter. 

[angielee]

Im not sure what you age is but every woman i know talks of night sweats if there are in their 40s or 50s. I sure its the change starting.

[sassparella]

Im not sure what you age is but every woman i know talks of night sweats if there are in their 40s or 50s. I sure its the change starting.

I am in my 40s but my hormone tests came back normal and showed no sign of menopause also I get no hot flashes during the day (night sweats are nocturnal hot flashes) so I'm not convinced it's the change.

[sassparella]

You aren't dying, but you are depriving yourself of living.  Plenty of women on here sweat at night -- are all of them dying or is there a benign explanation -- I vote for the latter.

The sweats came on so suddenly and it's every night. I know that by worrying I'm ruining my quality of life, I just wish I could know that I was OK, that there was nothing wrong with me but no one can ever have that guarantee.

[gcalex]

Nope, no guarantees in this life.  But do you see how selective and therefore irrational your worrying is?  A thousand bad things could happen, not just the one you are obsessed with.  Yet you are able to tolerate that uncertainty.

[sassparella]

Nope, no guarantees in this life.  But do you see how selective and therefore irrational your worrying is?  A thousand bad things could happen, not just the one you are obsessed with.  Yet you are able to tolerate that uncertainty.

Actually I worry about everything. I hate going in cars as I'm scared they'll crash, I hate flying for the same reason, I could go on all day about the things that worry me.  I think my health is foremost in my mind as it's something I have no control over and the symptoms I have are real - the sweats are not imagined. For me it's a phobia about death and anything that could kill me will bring on my anxiety.

[gcalex]

Symptoms per se mean nothing most of the time.  I have plenty of them too.  So do MOST people.  This is what you need to internalize.  To be  human, especially past a certain age, is to have physical symptoms.  So what, you have symptoms, you were concerned, you went to one or more doctors, you were told it was benign.  That should be enough. 

You know this already too but people who worry excessively about dying don't really live.  You have to internalize that too, somehow. 

[sassparella]

I do realise that and I do try. I have been seeing a psychologist for a year now but it hasn't really helped. I have trouble accepting doctors' diagnoses because of bad experiences with doctors in the past.

My dad was told he had depression repeatedly even though my mum told the doctor there was something wrong and it turned out he was having mini strokes and it took a major stroke to alert the doctor, a stroke that ultimately killed him. My son had a lump on his neck at 12 weeks the emergency doctor told me it was a swollen node but I wasn't convinced as it was huge - the size of an egg. My GP the next day had him rushed to hospital, he had an abscess and already had blood poisoning and would have died if I'd left it as the emergency doctor suggested. I was ill in my early 20s and the doctor told me it was all in my head it turned out to be glandular fever when I eventually made him test for it. All this has made it very hard for me to trust the word of any doctor as you can imagine.

So when I'm getting symptoms of something that could be fatal I find it hard to let go and believe that there's nothing wrong.