Frequent panic attacks, scared of dying and general depression

[beetlejuice]

Hello everyone, I am 22 years old male and anxiety is something relatively new to me.

To begin with, I would like to mention that I have read some useful posts on this forum, before allowing myself to bring life to yet another post by a desperate man caught in a spiral of anxiety issues and panic attacks. Nevertheless, I am here not only to seek help and advice, but also to find at least a little bit of empathy by the kind and opened people that share the same problems. To see that I am not the only one and to try understand the others, thus further acknowledge my own problems.

Everything started one day when I woke up and experienced bad dizziness and a bit of vertigo. It was as I was tipsy. It was the Christmas holidays and I couldn't get hold of doctor. The problem was that I remained dizzy for about a week and I really started worrying about my health. Along with that now it is the last semester of my bachelor education and I had a lot of stress around making my final project. I live in Denmark and I haven't seen sun for the past 4 months. It is a really depressing country. All that stress and worrying about my health gave me my first panic attacks. Beforehand, I had absolutely ridiculous amount of negative thoughts over my health, like I might have a tumor, stroke, diabetes and all other sorts of terrible diseases that might had caused my constant dizziness. Some of my first panic attacks were before the day I got the dizziness. The problem was that back then I couldn't even recognize them as panic attacks, but I dismissed them and thought it had something to do with my blood pressure or the fact that I drank 2 coffees. However, now as I experience panic attacks more frequently I can clearly tell I was having ones back then even without realizing it. They were mild so I didn't pay much attention to them. They weren't caused because of worrying too much about my health but, because of stress and feeling of not knowing what I was doing with my life etc. 

I  was sitting at work, working on my bachelor project and I felt "needles" around my body, I felt like I couldn't take a deep breath, that I was lacking oxygen, I started experiencing vertigo, irregular heat beats and I had to flee the room and go lock myself in the toilets to calm down and drink some water, wash my face. That happened like almost every day around after lunch time for like a week and a half. Then the terrible part comes. After the constant dizziness appeared and I got really worried about my health I started having some serious panic attacks. Regardless of the place and time, it happened to me at work, in the train, in the store, at home. I experience the same symptoms I describe above, besides that they were times stronger now. Along with the fear of death and that I might be having a stroke or a hearth attack. I almost fainted a few times. Then I got my chance to visit a doctor. I went to my GP and she check me out, she concluded that I don't have neurological problems. She ran blood tests and said that I might have a subtle viral infection that is making me run down. The blood test came and she said everything was normal and that I ma perfectly healthy but she suggested that I should visit an ear specialist, because my dizziness might be coming from problems in my inner ear.

Anyways, after a lot of googling I finally hit the anxiety disorder, which matches all my symptoms and problems. Ever since I have been fighting my anxiety with meditation, physical exercises and doing art. I feel that my constant dizziness has almost went away, perhaps it was something that resolves on itself. Now it seems like I am stuck with anxiety problems. I am generally depressed, I used to be really active and social person with good sense of humor and loving being the heart of the company at the parties. Now I became really closed, afraid of going out and having fun at a party. I have constant worry about my health. I am sleepy and tired, I can not concentrate on things, my mind is always somewhere else. Even though my GP said my blood tests are fine I have still been thinking that I might have diabetes or something else. I can not stop searching on the interned and diagnosing myself, it is a horrible state of mind ... It has reached a point where I am not even able to drink alcohol and relax. Even a few sips of wine give me panic attack. For example, last night I went to a good friend's birthday party. I was really anxious because I felt different and isolated. I felt really bad about myself, that everybody else was normal and having fun and that I was sick and unable to enjoy the company. Then I had a few sips of wine and as the alcohol got me tipsy, my body went crazy again, it feels like I was going to die. My mind and body responded to being tipsy as getting health issues. I started sweating, I became really pale, I constantly felt need to flee the room, my friends couldn't get what was happening to me. I haven't told any of them  for my problems... I spent some time in the toilet relaxing, drinking some water and trying to relax myself. Then we had to do some shots with strong alcohol... I couldn't refuse to my friend, the guy with the birthday. I hit the shots and as I was getting drunker I got panic attack and I felt all the stupid symptoms again and again and again... At the end of the night I was more relaxed and I ended up drinking some more, this time enjoying it and having nice conversation with the rest of the people. Even though with every sip, I felt an extreme fear that it will cause another panic attack. And indeed every time I was getting a bit closer to getting drunk I was starting to get some symptoms of a panic attack, but I managed it.

I have a few questions to you my friends. I hope you can give me the right advice, since some of you have suffered from this thing for much longer. I have it now for approximately 2 months.
- Did anybody else experienced similar thing with consumption of alcohol? I am again, worried that this might be caused because of being sick from something... Is it possible that it is all because of the anxiety disorder?
- I am not able to afford a psychiatrist, I am still a student and have a low income. What should I do? I really feel like I could speak to someone.. that I could get help from someone that understands my problem.
- Should I speak with a friend or a family member? The first thing is that I don't feel like making the people I love get worried about me... The second thing is what if they don't understand me and think I am exaggerating.
- I still can not believe that all this is caused by a "simple" anxiety disorder, my mind is occupied by thoughts that it can not be that simple and that it is caused by some disease.
- Please, help me understand my issues. Give any kind of useful advice. What is the best thing to do in my case? How do you fight your anxiety and what seems to have good effect? Is there any kind of diet you can recommend that might help me? Are there any medications and herbs that I can purchase without prescription that will help me? Feel free to share similar experiences and how you fought with them.

Sorry for the long post and that some of my English might be confusing, it is not my mother tongue : )

Thank you very much in advance! Any help will be deeply appreciated!

[bev1234]

I don't have much experience with what you're worried about, but I have had a couple of panic attacks, one was recently, so I can empathize with you on that. I have also been drunk before and gotten very anxious while I was drunk. I think for me it was because I didn't like the feeling of being out of control of my body that often comes with drinking. I don't know if this helps but I do get anxious very often about things. Right now i'm worried about my tooth that is infected and its making me crazy with anxiety. Being stressed and worried does affect people physically so maybe that's what your symptoms were coming from. I would still try to get to a doctor just to make sure of what's going on with you. In the meantime some things that help me calm down are praying about it for safety and a sense of peace, listening to calming music, enjoying hobbies (anything you like doing or finding new things to do), eating a healthy and natural diet, drinking tea, getting enough sleep, and reminding yourself that youre going to be okay. I hope this could help even just a little. Good luck and feel better!

[gcalex]

No alcohol.  Breathing exercises.  Aerobic exercise.  Claire Weekes, Hope and Help for Your Nerves.  Cut out sugar, go easy on caffeine.  B vitamins, magnesium. 

[gcalex]

And my standard spiel, sorry to folks who have read it before.


Overall philosophy.

Heatlh anxiety is a thought disorder in which people misinterpret usually benign physical symptoms and other stimuli.  That means that the treatment of the disorder must be primarily at the thought (and behavioral) level.

Key concepts.

1.  While people with health anxiety react with fear to bodily symptoms and sensations, it is critical to understand that anxiety itself can cause an incredible variety of bodily symptoms and sensations that are benign in the sense that they are not related to any organic illness.  For example, anxiety very commonly causes muscle tension (which can result in pain, feelings of heaviness, etc.), GI issues, tingling, fast heartbeat, palpitations, twitches, a sensation of shortness of breath, fatigue, and so on.  Over and over again on this forum, one sees the question, could this really be anxiety?  In the vast majority of cases, the answer is yes.

2.  When anxious people focus on their symptoms with fearful attention, it almost inevitably ampllifies them, which in turn ratchets up the fear reaction.  It's a vicious cycle. 

3.  When symptoms migrate from side to side, or place to place, or system to system, or they come and go, that is almost a sure sign that they are being caused by anxiety.  Most organic illness do not present with inconsistent, shifting symptoms.

4.  An escalation in symptoms is frequently associated with additional or new stress in people's lives, but people with health anxiety often fail to make that connection.  One sees this here over and over again.  It is always important to examine what is happening in one's life when new symptoms appear or old ones worsen.

5.  It is almost always a mistake to research symptoms on the internet.  One can find a catastrophic explanation for almost any symptom or set of symptoms online.  The internet is full of unverified anecdotes and blatantly false information.  People with health anxiety tend to suffer from confirmation bias -- that is, the tendency to pay attention to information that vallidates a pre-existing belief and to ignore information that contradicts that belief.   This is why a googler will seize on one little nugget that comes up in an online search, most likely from an unreliable source, and obsess about it to the exclusion of all contrary information.

6.  It is almost always a mistake, absent a medical condition that requires it, to monitor symptoms such as heart rate and blood pressure.  It only feeds the cycle of health anxiety.  The body will work just fine without monitoring.  In fact, as I like to say, the body works best when the mind gets out of the way.

 

Reassurance.

A special word about reassurance, because this is, in my opinion, the hardest thing for people with health anxiety to understand and the biggest mistake they make.  Reassurance, whether from doctors or others, feels good.  There is no question about that.  But here is the problem.  Reassurance does not help people develop the tools they need to address their health anxiety.  Rather, it makes them dependent on others.  And worse yet, it actually perpetuates health anxiety, much the same way as a fix helps the addict temporarily feel better but prolongs his or her addiction.  One sees it time and again -- people whose principal method of coping with health anxiety is to seek reassruance eventually will start to reject the reassurance they have received, especially medical, and to seek more and more of it.  They don't trust the tests, they worry that the doctor missed something, etc.  If they get to the point where they are reassured about the current fear, another fear will crop up in its place, they will seek reassurance for that fear, and the cycle of testing, doctor and ER visitis, and online reassurance-seeking behavior continues.

Things to do.

1.  Accept test results and medical opinions.  See the discussion of reassurance above.  This is critical.  People must learn to tune out the what if thoughts -- what if the doctor missed something?  What if they misread the tests?  What if they didn't do enough tests?  What if something's changed since I had the tests?  Doctors are not perfect, of course, but the chances that a capable doctor is going to miss a sign of heart disease, MS, ALS, or any of the catastrophic illnesses people worry about are very very very low.

2.  Stop seeking reassurance from others.  See the discussion of reassurance above. 

3.  Put away the monitors.  See above.

4.  Stop the internet research.  See above.

5.  Seek out a cognitive behavioral therapist, or if you can't pay for one, buy a workbook or find an online resource. 

6.  Practice the following, the most basic of cognitive behavioral therapy exercises.  Take a piece of paper and divide it into two columns, one saying, I have X (whatever you are fearing), and one saying, I don't have X.  Write down all the objective evidence (that is, evidence that would be meaningful to a rational person such as a friend) in support of each proposition.  Then study the results.

7.  Read up on cognitive distortions.  There are good lists online.  Learn to recognize these distortions in your own thinking.

8.  Try to learn from the past.  For example, if you are in the grip of your latest fear, think about, and write down, all the things you have feared before that turned out to be false alarms.  Focus on the list.  Recognize the pattern.  Confront the fear.

9.  Educate yourself.  There are many very helpful books about anxiety and panic attacks.  Example, Claire Weekes Hope and Help For Your Nerves, David Burns When Panic Attacks.

10.  Don't feel sorry for yourself or see yourself as a victim.  You have a thought disorder.  That's just the way it goes.  Don't ask why you have it, do something about it.  The good news is that it's treatable, with effort.  While it's natural to feel sorry for oneself, in the end it does no good and just perpetuates the condition. 

11.  When in doubt, breathe -- breathing exercises are a great antidote to panic and stress.  It's easy to find descriptions here and elswhere online.

12.  Exercise.  This is very important, especially for people with cardiac anxiety who have been given medical clearance.  Exercise relieves stress, and inactivity worsens it and reinforces cardiac anxiety.  Take a leap of faith and start with just a minimal amount -- eventually you will desensitize and it won't provoke a fear reaction.

13.  Reduce sugar, junk food, etc.  These only make one feel worse in the long run.

[LindaRK]

Completely agree with gcalex.

Yes, anxiety can cause all of the things you're experiencing.  I've had anxiety for about 37 years now. It's manageable without medication, but it takes patience and persistence.  It might never go away as well, but you will learn how to lead a productive, happy and satisfying life despite still having anxiety.  Been there, done that, doing that.

[ejmommy]

I have so many of the things you mentioned, and more. I actually did end up getting diagnosed with an inner ear disorder (doesn't sound like yours though, mine didn't go away), but the damage had already been done so to say with my anxiety. I was so convinced I had MS and it went downhill from there. I still struggle with it but I see a therapist who suggested journaling as a way to outlet my anxiety. Kind of getting a visual of how you feel and what is going on. Is that a possibility?

Even though I do have the ear and some other issues going on physically, I know most of what I experience is all the anxiety. It's just a matter of accepting that it can do just about anything to you! As you said, it's hard to believe sometimes but it is so true. I have to remind myself of this multiple times a day, but I am getting to a better place. I hope you feel better soon.

[beetlejuice]

Thanks to you all for the posts!

Just to update - so far I am dealing better with the social events. Hasn't had a strong panic attack in the past 2-3 weeks. Just 2-3 mild ones. Unfortunately my dizziness is back for the past week and it's making me feel quite bad. I am having a meeting with an ear specialist to check me out and see of it's my inner ear causing the problem. gcalex - thanks a lot for the suggestions I am going to order the book you recommended to me. I have read quite a bit about anxiety already and it seems that the more I know about it the more confident I am and the faster I recover. Now I also really believe that most of my symptoms are anxiety related. There is just one thing that still bothers me quite a bit - The constant dizzy / foggy head state. I have read from many sources that you get dizzy due to hyperventilating or when getting a panic attack. It says that you might stay dizzy even for an hour or two after you had the panic attack because all the adrenaline and hyperventilation. but I haven't read anywhere about dizziness that goes straight for a month.. since waking up util going to bed. I just wonder if it could be possible that it COULD be caused by anxiety. For me it feels like that sometimes I could easily recognize it as dizziness but sometimes it feels like something that I can't even describe. Especially when I sit and relax or lay down and watch a movie. It feels like my head is light and I have somewhat surrealistic feeling about the surrounding environment. Like it is not my life anymore and I am a different person. Don't get me wrong please, it is really difficult to explain the sensation