Why am I not as light and active as I was in the past

[AbnormallyAnxious]

I've started my GED program this month, and while walking to the bus stop I notice my legs and body is very heavy. I nearly have to force/push myself forward to take steps. My legs feel like they are 50 pounds each. I'm not light and free anymore, neither mentally or physically. I hate my life. I hate myself. l've been conscious of my breathing for months now. I want to cry. I'm depressed. I feel like I'll never live the life I lived when I was back in my country. I feel I will never feel that way again... I feel like a failure I feel like an idiot. And something tells me if I never even listened to the anxiety in the first place and didn't give in to the heart fears (getting the ekgs & echos), I could've stopped everything then and there. And I wouldn't end up a disaster like this.....

[gcalex]

I can only say that the hole isn't necessarily as deep as it feels.  Don't beat yourself up over how you got here, you are where you are.  All the physical feelings you have are almost certainly due to anxiety, I promise.  The way out for you is going to be the same way as for anyone else who has climbed out of the hole you find yourself in -- exercise, proper nutrition, relaxation, therapy, and self-education and hard work.  I suppose others might add medication but not my thing.

Many many people have dug themselves out, with some help. 

This book is supposed to be really good for depression, by the way.

http://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Guide-Seven-Stage-Journey-Depression/dp/B0020MMB9Y/ref=cm_lmf_tit_10

[floridaguy65]

Hi AA:) I know it seems bleak when we are struggling. I've been where you are...most of us here have, at some point....or they are right where you are currently, too. Don't feel alone...you are not - I assure you.

Answer these question for me, if you would...I've asked some before but you haven't yet responded.

How old are you? How long have you struggled with mental health challenges?

What has ever been done in your anxiety treatment? By yourself or others.

Where do you live? You're not from the country where you live now? What type of family support system do you have? Do you have a job? Health insurance?

These are not prying questions. I'm just interested in some background info so that peeps here might better give you some gentle guidance, perhaps. You are struggling...there is no doubt about that. But what there is also no doubt about is that you can learn some better ways to help yourself. This is a guarantee:)

Don't let your current emotional state make you feel as though this is your destinty - to be anxious and depressed and helpless for the rest of your life. I know how that feels - it was my everyday life for quite awhile many years ago. It CAN get better - I promise:) Your self-help and determination and acceptance will be what drives a lot of your future peace. And you do have the strength, eventhough you do not feel that way - right now:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

The way out for you is going to be the same way as for anyone else who has climbed out of the hole you find yourself in -- exercise, proper nutrition, relaxation, therapy, and self-education and hard work.  I suppose others might add medication but not my thing.

In a nutshell - this is it:) And you, too, can do it:)

[AbnormallyAnxious]

I can only say that the hole isn't necessarily as deep as it feels.  Don't beat yourself up over how you got here, you are where you are.  All the physical feelings you have are almost certainly due to anxiety, I promise.  The way out for you is going to be the same way as for anyone else who has climbed out of the hole you find yourself in -- exercise, proper nutrition, relaxation, therapy, and self-education and hard work.  I suppose others might add medication but not my thing.

Many many people have dug themselves out, with some help. 

This book is supposed to be really good for depression, by the way.

http://www.amazon.com/Unstuck-Guide-Seven-Stage-Journey-Depression/dp/B0020MMB9Y/ref=cm_lmf_tit_10

It's hard not to beat myself up. It's so unfair, WHY? I've been through the same changes & stress my family has and they're just like they've always been nothing has changed in them. While I'm over here feeling like 0103. Worrying, overwhelmed with stress, always anxious and scared. Sometimes I can't even explain the way I feel 'cause it's so strange and so NOT me it scares me.

I would never exercise. My heart rate going up from just doing light physical movement already drives me crazy, I can't imagine myself doing actual exercise. Today I ran for like a minute to catch up with the bus before it left my heart was banging itself wild against my chest faster than it should and that made me anxious so I made it beat even FASTER it was more than 100bpm just due to that little barely a minute jog.. I felt terrible physically and mentally during that process. As for the nutrition, I eat well. I eat mostly home made food that contains vegetables. I try my best to relax, but these days I find it harder. I can't even close my eyes and feel peace of mind all over me like I did before..
 On my way to bed, I climb up the stairs that take me to the bedrooms upstairs. As soon as I finish them I feel my beating in my chest as if I ran a mile. Then I try my best to slow it down but that only makes it worse. Then I decide to relax in my bed before going to sleep and listen to some music, but I can never get that done.. I'll have the headphones in and I'll have so many scary, negative thoughts running in my head. My body feels like it's bad quality and I can never manage to just close my eyes, calm myself down, and enjoy the music + think of nothing but the music... I'm at the point where I'm so stressed I can't even relax 'cause I'm now used to all this stress. I don't even know what's wrong with me to tell you the truth.. and that scares me even more.
Therapy. I've been accepted to medicaid, and my parents sent them a bill of $2,000 for the echos & ekgs. If they accept to pay that, I doubt they'll do anything else for me.
What do you mean by self-education and hard work? ... :L

[AbnormallyAnxious]

Hi AA:) I know it seems bleak when we are struggling. I've been where you are...most of us here have, at some point....or they are right where you are currently, too. Don't feel alone...you are not - I assure you.

Answer these question for me, if you would...I've asked some before but you haven't yet responded.

How old are you? How long have you struggled with mental health challenges?

What has ever been done in your anxiety treatment? By yourself or others.

Where do you live? You're not from the country where you live now? What type of family support system do you have? Do you have a job? Health insurance?

These are not prying questions. I'm just interested in some background info so that peeps here might better give you some gentle guidance, perhaps. You are struggling...there is no doubt about that. But what there is also no doubt about is that you can learn some better ways to help yourself. This is a guarantee:)

Don't let your current emotional state make you feel as though this is your destinty - to be anxious and depressed and helpless for the rest of your life. I know how that feels - it was my everyday life for quite awhile many years ago. It CAN get better - I promise:) Your self-help and determination and acceptance will be what drives a lot of your future peace. And you do have the strength, eventhough you do not feel that way - right now:)

Peace and Feel Well:)

The way out for you is going to be the same way as for anyone else who has climbed out of the hole you find yourself in -- exercise, proper nutrition, relaxation, therapy, and self-education and hard work.  I suppose others might add medication but not my thing.

In a nutshell - this is it:) And you, too, can do it:)

How old are you? I'm 18 years old. Turning 19 this February.

How long have you struggled with mental health challenges?
My first panic attack happened a month before I turned 13. I suffered with continues panic attacks and general anxiety for about 2 months but then it all went away and I hadn't used any mediation. I had a counselor at school that I talked to like 1-2 a week but that didn't go on for long. And the type of things I told her were 'Are my eyes gonna fall out?' , etc..

What has ever been done in your anxiety treatment? By yourself or others.
Others haven't done anything for me and I don't blame them 'cause there's not really anything they can do. As for me, I've been trying to ignore it all but it just ends up being worse..

Where do you live?
 I'm in Illinois right now.

You're not from the country where you live now?
No I'm from Algeria.

 What type of family support system do you have? Do you have a job? Health insurance?
I'm looking for a job but I haven't found anything.. everything requires at least a GED. & I have medicaid, it will expire once I hit 19.

[gcalex]

It's your mind that's speeding up your heart or making you aware of its beating, but if you are reluctant to exercise, how about just a half hour of walking to start with, plus some stretching, light weights, etc.  You've put yourself in a no win situation where the lack of exercise is increasing your stress, and your stress is keeping you from exercising.  You have to make a break in the loop somehow.  It may feel uncomfortable at first but it won't hurt you.  Your heart will be fine.  Try it.

Have you read Hope and Help for Your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes?  Many people say it's the best book out there on anxiety and panic.  You have a profound anxiety disorder, not any physical illness.  I know it's hard and frightening. 

Also I have the feelling you would be the type who would obsess about side effects if you were to try pharmaceutical drugs, but there are some so-called natural things that are said to promote relaxation such as passionflower (it comes as a tea) and valerian that are said to be very safe.  Also l-theanine helps some people.  Then again, there are probably those who would say you would be a good candidate for a short term course of a benzodiazepine just to break the cycle you are in.

[gcalex]

Oh one other thing.  It's natural to ask why me, we all do it, all people do it when something bad happens to them.  But asking it too often is one of those things that just keeps us trapped.  In the end, we can't know, and it doesn't matter.  It's probably an impossibly complex combination of your genetics, your upbringing, and your other life experiences.  Perhaps there is something to be mined there, but the interesting thing about anxiety is that for most people, whatever the reason they got there, the road to manage it is largely the same. 

[AbnormallyAnxious]

You see, my heart rate is already 90-120bpm most of the day (even when walking). I'm pretty sure adding additional exercise wouldn't do it good...

[gcalex]

It seems no matter what people say, you find a reason to reject it.  How can anyone help you then?